i have become an my own experimental rat

[stevemorse0]

Ok time for some brutal honesty here. No bashing or controlled bashing please.

I have found I am bordering on abuse with these substances. Like everything else in my life, when I did it, I over did it. ANd these steriods were no exception. Now granted I have no side effects from them , just long non stopping cycles like a fool. Not only did I try to stop, one month after stopping I would walk past my stash and say ohh I miss that strenght, I miss the rush, I miss the no recovery and jump on again like a fool. I have become my own experimental addict rat again in my life.

Like I said no sides that are terrible. However what really now made me stop, and I am walking past my stash no problem this time is I had a pain on my right side. So then came the panic. Ohh I destroyed my liver, Ohh am I yellow yet? So the rat has got to get the junkie side out of my system. I have stopped. No more pains in my side. This was a big of a wake up call.

I am cleaning out now for good. None of this mind game crap. I know , and the worst part is I deep down knew I had that addict personality. I just could not help myself. I still am a women, look just like a women, my husband is not complaining.

I just wanted to tell others this is a big addiction. If you have that junkie personality beware!!!

I am cleaning out now for 4 months and they re-trying (cant completely lose the addict thinking) anavar with a new lab. I promise no more for at least 4 months.

Marilyn

 

[THE-DET-OAK]

sounds like the right decision-i too have an addictive personality. i have been chomping at the bit for 3 months to start again-only thing i can suggest-only buy enough at a time for a cycle.

good luck-we are here for support-and we understand

 

[WorkoutBarbie]

I'm sorry sweetie your having a problem controlling yourself with it. I had been tempted to start another cycle 1 month after I quit my first cycle so I would be stronger for my upcoming fight. I miss the strength on it too!!!

 

[Miss Muscle]

At least you realize you have a problem. That is the first step to recovery.

Please go get some bloodwork so you can be sure everything is ok.

 

[stevemorse0]

At least you realize you have a problem. That is the first step to recovery.

Please go get some bloodwork so you can be sure everything is ok.

thanks all, no I am off, and staying this time off. The funny thing is mentally I feel so much better. I really wore myself down with this addictive way. I am fine, under control , no pains.

Blood work, no way. I am not going to no doctor in NJ. I will go 6 months from now and do a regular physically. You see in NJ/ USA everything goes in your medical file. With this new Obama possibly health care bill I am afraid they can find a way to screw me if I say or have the slightest incling of steriod use. Lets say Goverment involved/ lets say I get cancer/ gov. says ohh steriod user, ohh no coverage. NO WAY> LIE to all medical professional the good old usa way!

 

[fleverglades]

sounds like the right decision-i too have an addictive personality. i have been chomping at the bit for 3 months to start again-only thing i can suggest-only buy enough at a time for a cycle.

good luck-we are here for support-and we understand

dude - you just can't stay out of the womens forum. too funny. me neither, I guess. It is kinda interesting hearing their experiences

 

[THE-DET-OAK]

def interesting-its also a nice knowledge tool to have in your back pocket

 

[Miss Muscle]

A person can get bloodwork done without a doctors permission. We had a discussion about it a few months ago.

You have to send it away to a lab...I'm not sure of the details but do a search here in the ladies section. Just take your own blood and send it away or something like that. I can't remember exactly.

 

[feelgood]

bless your heart sounds like u r stronger with this than you give urself credit for. We all want to be health, just remember that first. Set ur goal and keep it. Its a good choice.

 

[feelgood]

silly ? maybe. But about six mo. ago i was having chest pain. Heart problems do run in my fam. So they did blood work and such and came out i was having anxity, I was buy a house lol. I was cycling var..would they had seen that and put it on my med file. Also, do you girls get a regular check up with the obygn. How does that go down, i havent been in 2yrs cause i am scared of what they might say.

 

[stevemorse0]

you are right feel good I am strong mentally. I did manage to stay off. I am going the diet route and its working better. Thanks so much. I have avoided all doctors at all costs!!

 

[dialtone]

can i ask you steroid use history, including # of cycles, length of cycles and drugs used?