Hi!
I have a long history of depression and anxiety. Even as child I was scared of all kinds of shit.
Later as teenager I noticed that one some days where lots of stuff was happening I felt like my thoughts are racing and I couldn't even sleep or had
to digest thoughts by thinking about them again and again. I always thought this is probably serotonine related cause I had depression.
However, last year I came across a book which had cases of adults with ADD and I found so many parallels. For example I have problems concentrating
and can only do something productive during the night. During the day I get nothing done. I suffer from this cause day in day out I feel like failing. I cannot
count the times where I have gone to bed feeling pathetic cause I spent the entire day doing stuff which is only harmful for me for example surfing the internet til late at night feeling totally hyper in my head and not being able to cut myself off. Often times when I came across something exciting or worrying I end up searching stuff online for hours and in the end it leads to nothing. For example back when the swine flu stuff was running rampant I was totally worried about it and watched videos about it on youtube and did all this stuff which didn't help me at all and only burned me out.
I'm not hyperactive though. My problems are all in the mind like this restlessness and being aggitated and not being able to think clear. I do a lot of work which leads to nothing. I start something and then don't finish it. Even things like counting calories or following a workout routine which are no problem for others are a problem for me. So many times have I wondered wtf is wrong with me. Even if there's enough time in a day to do certain things I don't get it done.
And this is especially bad when I'm among people. Even the presence of other people at home disturbs and distracts me. I simply cannot find my inner peace to focus when others are around. This is becoming a very huge problem cause I needed to work during the day and study and I don't. I lose so much time.
Or when I come across something exciting I feel disoriented and my thoughts also start to race. It has also happened a few times that I was driving at night and after a while noticed I was driving without light. Not sure if this means something but this shouldn't happen.
Now I've tried to describe this to my pdoc and he doesn't even test me for ADD. He only wants to treat my depression & anxiety issue. I have tried celexa,remeron and wellbutrin and none of them worked. Wellbutrin was the latest one I tried. He said it also works against ADD but I felt no difference under it.
I don't know what to do. I have no clue what would be responsible. Everything could be wrong. Going on stims could be wrong and make my anxiety worse.
Not trying them could also be wrong. But since stims are pretty hardcore and have many side effects I'd be really scared to even try them. What do I do?
Depression and anxiety are an issue but feeling 95% of the time that I'm not in charge over my time is also a huge problem.
Most of the day I feel like I'm passive and only reacting and not doing what I want to do or what I should be doing.
But what if stims would only make it worse? Now when I'm under stress I often feel like my brain shuts down and I cannot even think clear anymore and decide what to do next. What if this would only be potentiated under stims? This would be a really huge risk to take.
I have a long history of depression and anxiety. Even as child I was scared of all kinds of shit.
Later as teenager I noticed that one some days where lots of stuff was happening I felt like my thoughts are racing and I couldn't even sleep or had
to digest thoughts by thinking about them again and again. I always thought this is probably serotonine related cause I had depression.
However, last year I came across a book which had cases of adults with ADD and I found so many parallels. For example I have problems concentrating
and can only do something productive during the night. During the day I get nothing done. I suffer from this cause day in day out I feel like failing. I cannot
count the times where I have gone to bed feeling pathetic cause I spent the entire day doing stuff which is only harmful for me for example surfing the internet til late at night feeling totally hyper in my head and not being able to cut myself off. Often times when I came across something exciting or worrying I end up searching stuff online for hours and in the end it leads to nothing. For example back when the swine flu stuff was running rampant I was totally worried about it and watched videos about it on youtube and did all this stuff which didn't help me at all and only burned me out.
I'm not hyperactive though. My problems are all in the mind like this restlessness and being aggitated and not being able to think clear. I do a lot of work which leads to nothing. I start something and then don't finish it. Even things like counting calories or following a workout routine which are no problem for others are a problem for me. So many times have I wondered wtf is wrong with me. Even if there's enough time in a day to do certain things I don't get it done.
And this is especially bad when I'm among people. Even the presence of other people at home disturbs and distracts me. I simply cannot find my inner peace to focus when others are around. This is becoming a very huge problem cause I needed to work during the day and study and I don't. I lose so much time.
Or when I come across something exciting I feel disoriented and my thoughts also start to race. It has also happened a few times that I was driving at night and after a while noticed I was driving without light. Not sure if this means something but this shouldn't happen.
Now I've tried to describe this to my pdoc and he doesn't even test me for ADD. He only wants to treat my depression & anxiety issue. I have tried celexa,remeron and wellbutrin and none of them worked. Wellbutrin was the latest one I tried. He said it also works against ADD but I felt no difference under it.
I don't know what to do. I have no clue what would be responsible. Everything could be wrong. Going on stims could be wrong and make my anxiety worse.
Not trying them could also be wrong. But since stims are pretty hardcore and have many side effects I'd be really scared to even try them. What do I do?
Depression and anxiety are an issue but feeling 95% of the time that I'm not in charge over my time is also a huge problem.
Most of the day I feel like I'm passive and only reacting and not doing what I want to do or what I should be doing.
But what if stims would only make it worse? Now when I'm under stress I often feel like my brain shuts down and I cannot even think clear anymore and decide what to do next. What if this would only be potentiated under stims? This would be a really huge risk to take.
