kneedowngsxr
New member
Ok here goes, here is a brief rundown of my current situation.
I am currently engaged to a girl that I met last year. Its been 15.5 months since we met, about a year since we were a "couple" or whatever you want to call it. we got engaged in October, and then in november we moved out of state because my job was moving, and it was a chance to go somewhere new and actually have a job lined up already. We are living together, and to me, everything is pretty much great. I love her to death, couldnt really imagine being happier with anyone else.
A couple months ago I started seeing a few little things that raised the red flags. Nothing major, but it just queued my interest a little bit. I saw a few messages on her phone from her to some guy (or guys) stuff like "I miss you, youve been on my mind" etc. And a few of the same sort of message from a guy or two, to her. Nothing to really sweat over, but it just didnt feel right the way the messages were written. Anyways, I asked her about the one, "who were you talking to" she tells me it doesnt matter.... i say it does to me, do you mind telling me who it was id just like to know. She says a name, and I realize later that the name she gave me didnt match the #.... so either she forgot who she sent that message to, or she wasnt being honest about who it was to.
A few weeks later, were making love and her phone rings in with a text message... she flips it off real fast and we finish... After I ask her who called... it was late just wanted to make sure it wasnt an emergency. She said it was her one girlfriend. A couple minutes later I used her phone to call my brother, and I get another text message... I look at it and its message 2 of 2 in the last 5 minutes from some guy... "i cant stop thinking about you, youve been on my mind all night blah blah" I wouldnt care that someone sent her a message... she doesnt control his hand doing the typing... but i asked who it was and was told it was someone who it wasnt.
Fast forward again a few weeks, and I found a part of a chat log of her talking kind of dirty to some guy online. When i confronted her about this she apolagized, said that she was just joking around she didnt mean it and she wouldnt do it again... I took her word for it, and said that if she wants to talk to people online thats fine... just dont talk dirty to them and be planning on marrying me... if she needs to talk dirty to someone it should be me.
These few little things arent the end of the world, but its making me wonder if theres a little too much of a pattern of her not being honest with me.
Recently she asked me if it would be ok if her friend "jack" could come to visit.... she actually talked this over with jack before me... Anyways, jack was never really an ex boyfriend, but they had slept together in the past at some point. They had feelings for each other, the works... just never really dated dated like BF/GF if I understand this correctly.
Now shes asking me if this guy can come and visit because he wants to see her... she said she doesnt really care, then later says she really wants to see him... she is asking if he can come like 1000 miles cross country and stay at our apartment, meanwhile ill be working all day during the week and dont get home until like 6:30 - 7:00 in the evenings.
She swears nothing will happen, and that they are just friends now. She said she doesnt have any feelings for him, but she didnt seem really sure about how he felt about her.
Personally... I think if you are in a relationship you wouldnt even put yourself in a risky situation like this to be spending a week mostly alone with someone that you had a past relationship with. Even though I love her, and trust her I just dont think its kosher. The whole time im gonna be wondering wtf, is the guy trying something...
Fast forward to tonight. She had me checking something on her aol and I went to check my email.... not really thinking I was on her email account and not mine, So i opened the email tab without really thinking, and I see an email to her friend jack that says "i think this sums up our relationship lol"
and copied in the email is the lyrics for this mariah carey song...
here is the lyrics, i had to look them up on yahoo.
The song is "we belong together" in case the link doesnt work.
http://www.fireband.net/M/Mariah-Carey/The-Emancipation-Of-Mimi/13-1-12-14-0-0.html
Now, part of me is saying this is nothing... but part of me is screaming that you wouldnt send an email like this to some guy/ girl when you are engaged to someone else. Especially when shes asking about this guy visiting for like 2 weeks and claiming they are just friends.
She swears she loves me, she wont cheat on me, doesnt want to be with anyone else etc.. but seeing something like this makes me wonder if her heart is in the same place as mine. Seems a little strong to be saying to someone whos just a friend....
Sorry this is long... any advice would be appreciated.
I am currently engaged to a girl that I met last year. Its been 15.5 months since we met, about a year since we were a "couple" or whatever you want to call it. we got engaged in October, and then in november we moved out of state because my job was moving, and it was a chance to go somewhere new and actually have a job lined up already. We are living together, and to me, everything is pretty much great. I love her to death, couldnt really imagine being happier with anyone else.
A couple months ago I started seeing a few little things that raised the red flags. Nothing major, but it just queued my interest a little bit. I saw a few messages on her phone from her to some guy (or guys) stuff like "I miss you, youve been on my mind" etc. And a few of the same sort of message from a guy or two, to her. Nothing to really sweat over, but it just didnt feel right the way the messages were written. Anyways, I asked her about the one, "who were you talking to" she tells me it doesnt matter.... i say it does to me, do you mind telling me who it was id just like to know. She says a name, and I realize later that the name she gave me didnt match the #.... so either she forgot who she sent that message to, or she wasnt being honest about who it was to.
A few weeks later, were making love and her phone rings in with a text message... she flips it off real fast and we finish... After I ask her who called... it was late just wanted to make sure it wasnt an emergency. She said it was her one girlfriend. A couple minutes later I used her phone to call my brother, and I get another text message... I look at it and its message 2 of 2 in the last 5 minutes from some guy... "i cant stop thinking about you, youve been on my mind all night blah blah" I wouldnt care that someone sent her a message... she doesnt control his hand doing the typing... but i asked who it was and was told it was someone who it wasnt.
Fast forward again a few weeks, and I found a part of a chat log of her talking kind of dirty to some guy online. When i confronted her about this she apolagized, said that she was just joking around she didnt mean it and she wouldnt do it again... I took her word for it, and said that if she wants to talk to people online thats fine... just dont talk dirty to them and be planning on marrying me... if she needs to talk dirty to someone it should be me.
These few little things arent the end of the world, but its making me wonder if theres a little too much of a pattern of her not being honest with me.
Recently she asked me if it would be ok if her friend "jack" could come to visit.... she actually talked this over with jack before me... Anyways, jack was never really an ex boyfriend, but they had slept together in the past at some point. They had feelings for each other, the works... just never really dated dated like BF/GF if I understand this correctly.
Now shes asking me if this guy can come and visit because he wants to see her... she said she doesnt really care, then later says she really wants to see him... she is asking if he can come like 1000 miles cross country and stay at our apartment, meanwhile ill be working all day during the week and dont get home until like 6:30 - 7:00 in the evenings.
She swears nothing will happen, and that they are just friends now. She said she doesnt have any feelings for him, but she didnt seem really sure about how he felt about her.
Personally... I think if you are in a relationship you wouldnt even put yourself in a risky situation like this to be spending a week mostly alone with someone that you had a past relationship with. Even though I love her, and trust her I just dont think its kosher. The whole time im gonna be wondering wtf, is the guy trying something...
Fast forward to tonight. She had me checking something on her aol and I went to check my email.... not really thinking I was on her email account and not mine, So i opened the email tab without really thinking, and I see an email to her friend jack that says "i think this sums up our relationship lol"
and copied in the email is the lyrics for this mariah carey song...
here is the lyrics, i had to look them up on yahoo.
The song is "we belong together" in case the link doesnt work.
http://www.fireband.net/M/Mariah-Carey/The-Emancipation-Of-Mimi/13-1-12-14-0-0.html
Now, part of me is saying this is nothing... but part of me is screaming that you wouldnt send an email like this to some guy/ girl when you are engaged to someone else. Especially when shes asking about this guy visiting for like 2 weeks and claiming they are just friends.
She swears she loves me, she wont cheat on me, doesnt want to be with anyone else etc.. but seeing something like this makes me wonder if her heart is in the same place as mine. Seems a little strong to be saying to someone whos just a friend....
Sorry this is long... any advice would be appreciated.
