Overcoming fear of needles

[Billegitimate]

I gave myself my first injection today. I wouldn't have imagined it possible just 2 months ago. I'll start back there, then catch up to today, and then ask a question.

I have lived with an intense fear of needles for as long as I can remember. Avoided any medical procedure, cavities filled without anesthesia, etc. It wasn't the pain, I refer you to cavities filled without anesthesia. It was just an irrational fear of needles. Well, that or a rational fear if you consider that an effort to keep foreign substances out of your body is a darn good survival trait...less so for women, but you get the idea. But even a rational fear can get out of control, and my fear was out of control.

I read several books on the subject, and the only one that really made sense to me was this:

amazon.com/dp/B00DNL3D5M Face Your Fears, by David Tolin.

I don't have a referral code in there, just the link direct from Amazon.

So I worked that program starting last December. In essence, it is a program of progressive desensitization. You make a list of all the things that would trigger your fear, from least to worst, and progressively expose yourself to them until you are no longer activated by them.

I started with looking at pictures of needles WITH THE CAP ON until I could look at that and not feel myself catch my breath and my pulse quicken. Yeah, it was that bad. But eventually that didn't do anything, and it was pictures with the cap off. Then videos, then holding a needle with the cap off, etc.

It took about 7 weeks to get to the point that I could lightly just prick my skin with a hypodermic needle. Then eventually that didn't bug me, so I finally got bloodwork done. Having blood drawn was awful, since that's a big step from pricking my skin to letting a stranger put the needle in, but I made it through.

Fast forward a few more weeks and I have results back, which confirms what I had known, and then fast forward a bit more to having a needle filled with Testosterone Cypionate ready to stick into my skin.

Now we're up to today. This next part you veterans will laugh at, but somehow I just couldn't stab it in there. I held it against my skin and just pressed harder and harder until it popped in. (Quick aside, human skin is tough!) I hadn't done anything sudden with a needle since starting, and the blood draw is an insertion, not a stab, so somehow I just didn't want the sudden jab.

I went slow on the injection part, and by the time I was done I was pretty lightheaded and a bit nauseous. This was a purely psychologically driven response unrelated to what I had injected. I could feel the bolus of T as it grew in size under my skin, and that is at the root of what I've had a paranoia about for all of my life.

Now, I am confident that what I'm doing is good for me, and will be great in the long run. But I had to lie down afterwards, and didn't feel even somewhat normal for about an hour. Again, I have no illusions that this is a physiological response to anything injected, it's just mental/emotional/irrational.

So the question: Have any of you veterans dealt with needle phobia of a similar level, and if so, how did it dissipate for you as you began giving yourself injections? I am hopeful that it totally goes away within a few weeks...months at the worst, but I sure don't want to believe that I'll still be feeling this every time I inject myself!

I'm interested in your comments, especially if you have some good experience to confer!

FWIW, this is all part of my plan for 2014. I've jokingly called it the year I grow up. I'll be 47 this year, so I guess it's about time to act like an adult. I'll do my dental work, take my shots, get my bloodwork done, etc. etc. I'm doing great so far.

 

[Megatron28]

Lots of us do the "push" method instead of the "jab" method. Including me.

Here's a tip. Tap around your skin with the point of your needle until you find a numb spot that doesn't hurt. That should indicate there are fewer nerves there and it should go in painlessly. Doesn't work 100% of the time, but it definitely helps.

As you are pushing the needle in after it has penetrated the skin, you can always back out if you hit something that hurts. For example a blood vessel. Just back up and try reangling the needle or start over completely.

 

[Billegitimate]

Thanks! I think I'll be sticking (haha, no pun intended) with the "push" approach for now.

Eventually I hope to man-up and just jab it in like Crisler does in his video.

That video cracks me up, but you can sure tell the needle doesn't phase him. That's my goal, to be able to just pick up that needle and stick it in with no hesitation. Still feels miles away, but if you had told me 3 months ago that I'd have done what I've done already I would have told you that you were out of your mind.

 

[Megatron28]

I will be sticking with the push method personally. Too many bad pins where I hit a blood vessel. I hardly ever do with the push method.

 

[MBB]

+1 on the push method. I've also found it can help to push the needle up to the skin and then look away and gently push it in. I still find myself doing this with IM, but never with subq, not sure what that's about.

 

[Billegitimate]

Thanks guys, I'll just stick with pushing it in. I'll just quit being a Nancy about it.

 

[NCallo]

I've recently started self injecting - done about 6 shots myself so far. I always had a fear of needles, however nothing like what you've described. I use the jab method. My technique is I count aloud to myself, 1, 2, 3 then inject. Works for me.

 

[RogerDodger]

if possible get someone else to do it you,ll be surprised how little you feel, its all mental I use 23 g 1.5 inch in glutes ,delts were ever fuk it but I,ve never had an issue with it but after awhile its fuk all

 

[STAUNCHED427]

I went slow on the injection part, and by the time I was done I was pretty lightheaded and a bit nauseous. This was a purely psychologically driven response unrelated to what I had injected. I could feel the bolus of T as it grew in size under my skin, and that is at the root of what I've had a paranoia about for all of my life.

Whenever I do quads I get that reaction, without fail I start to perspire a lot and feel a little light when injecting my quads due to it being the most painful (9/10 times quads will hurt my after getting half an inch deep, sometimes with a spasm I hate them, delts/glutes are painless and smooth so try them!). It is psychological yes due to you anticipating pain IMO.

So the question: Have any of you veterans dealt with needle phobia of a similar level, and if so, how did it dissipate for you as you began giving yourself injections? I am hopeful that it totally goes away within a few weeks...months at the worst, but I sure don't want to believe that I'll still be feeling this every time I inject myself!

I remember being a young child I would be screaming when my GP ever gave me shots. Fast forward to now I'm pinning myself 2x a week for TRT without a second thought about it. My first pin ever was a 23g 1.25" in my right delt, I was laughing the whole time I did it at how painless it was.

I'd go with the smallest gauge, 27g for a first time and do it in the delts or glutes, it should be a case of "is it in yet?" even though you have already injected and pulled it out (if a friend does it for them).

IMO, slowly pushing in is better than just jabbing it. Like megatron said, tapping around for a spot that isn't sensitive usually helps allthough you may still go through a nerve, not a big deal at worst it's just a little pain. There are worse things and situations in life to be concerned about to be honest.

 

[Mikeybltd]

I know how you feel man when i did my first every shot i sat there for about an hour trying to do it i was crapping myself so i rang a good friend of mine whos been using for years and he talked me through it, also always put on some pink floyd when i was injecting floyd always puts me in a good place

 

[Billegitimate]

Mikey, how are you now?

As to letting someone else, that's worse. In my head, it is such a violation...hard to describe. Yes, it's purely irrational.

I regularly walk in from my shop and my wife asks me what I did, and I have to look around to see which part of me is bleeding. I don't notice those things, and pain just usually isn't an issue for me. It is really just the sneaky little needle sneaking stuff into (or out of) my body.

So looking away, having someone else do it, knowing I won't feel it...none of those help, because it's not any of those. It's just the head knowledge, and something I'm deeply committed to moving past.

 

[Mikeybltd]

Mikey, how are you now?

As to letting someone else, that's worse. In my head, it is such a violation...hard to describe. Yes, it's purely irrational.

I regularly walk in from my shop and my wife asks me what I did, and I have to look around to see which part of me is bleeding. I don't notice those things, and pain just usually isn't an issue for me. It is really just the sneaky little needle sneaking stuff into (or out of) my body.

So looking away, having someone else do it, knowing I won't feel it...none of those help, because it's not any of those. It's just the head knowledge, and something I'm deeply committed to moving past.

Tbh it took me a good few weeks to get confident with doing it i think it was my second shot in my delt i aspirrated and drew up blood so wasn't a good start but after the first few weeks i was sweet id just get up about an hour earlier than i needed to and take my time so i didn't feel rushed and that helped heaps.

 

[Billegitimate]

Yeah, my very first shot, had it all prepped, wiped myself with alchohol, picked up needle...and the doorbell rang! Grrr.