Conrad0032
New member
So lately I've just been in the dumps for a while now, cause I realize I'm still bitch-mode when it comes to lifting. I keep having the urge to run a cycle of test, but I'm 19, so I keep telling myself not to for reasons everyone here already knows. Even if I PR on a lift and I'm feeling good, 2 hours later I'm sitting at home studying and then realize I'm still far from being anything respectable. I recently hit a PR on deadlift of 600lbs, but just never find it enough and dwell upon it too much. I'm not planning on cycling until I'm at least 21, but I don't know how long I can feel like this. I didn't have these thoughts when i started lifting, only once I got really serious, lifting gradually swallowed who I am I guess...
Does anyone think that taking a cycle would do anything positive for my mentality, or would I still be the same, just with a bigger total? I tell myself I'd feel good about myself if I was 250lbs lean, benched 405, deadlifted 800+, and what not; but at the same time I feel I'll just be in the same place I am now... just without my hair or balls xD I prioritize lifting too much in my life, it basically is the majority of my life and it's what I look forward to everyday, but I feel stupid for being so serious about it and yet I'm still so small and weak.
Anyone have similar problems? Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? I feel like I need to figure out a way to reinvent myself with lifting being part of my life but not all of it, and the only way I see that happening is if I hop on gear and get to a half decent size and strength. I'm too lost on this.
Does anyone think that taking a cycle would do anything positive for my mentality, or would I still be the same, just with a bigger total? I tell myself I'd feel good about myself if I was 250lbs lean, benched 405, deadlifted 800+, and what not; but at the same time I feel I'll just be in the same place I am now... just without my hair or balls xD I prioritize lifting too much in my life, it basically is the majority of my life and it's what I look forward to everyday, but I feel stupid for being so serious about it and yet I'm still so small and weak.
Anyone have similar problems? Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? I feel like I need to figure out a way to reinvent myself with lifting being part of my life but not all of it, and the only way I see that happening is if I hop on gear and get to a half decent size and strength. I'm too lost on this.