OK with being alone.

[dialtone]

At one point in my life, or for most of my life for that matter, I was very social and involved in a number of various networks. I lost that though and I realized I had never figured out who I was as a person and that I had been defining myself through everyone around me. As I've mentioned, I lost all of this. I was in a situation where I was forced to figure out who I was and what made me happy without anyone else.

It was rocky, to start. "Rocky" doesn't actually begin to describe how hard it was. I met people that I would try to treat as people I used to know so I wouldn't suffer from a void. But when it all came down, I didn't really know them and they certainly didn't know me.

So what do you do? Start building up who you want to be NOW. It's not easy...being beside yourself can be a scary thing. When it is you and only you sitting alone in a one bedroom apartment, who are you now? It takes time and experience to figure this out. I can tell you though, when you finally figure out who you are, who you REALLY are, it is a liberating feeling. If you are strong, physically and emotionally, you know that you are strong because of what YOU have done, and not because of what other people are doing for you. But that moment, when you are certain, that "this is ME", who are you?

 

[Teutonic]

Nice one dtone.

It took me years to arrive where I am now...and it s not GREAT by any means but I m OK. With who I am and who people think I am.,,I think !!!!

In college I was a geared oughtta mind 3.8 grad student ripped to shreds...but so egotistical and self centered..I was an asshole.

When I was a federal School Crossing Guard..that was who I was..215 pd pistol packing badass with the power to abuse..and I did...again an asshole.

When I lost that...I was in a real bad place with unlimited access to opiates and benzos...very popular asshole.

Now I m OK. Not euphoric, not with a bad case of the blues...just OK and thats OK.

I have my moments of real good..and some times that are less than OK but after years of counseling...rehab and abstinance..I m OK. And when you been where I have been..that OK. I can be alone and not lonely...got a dog... They can t divorce you and steal your shit, bum your money and wreck ur yard equipment...

T

Now I m a underemployed, yet very solvent, fitness freak. I help those who need anything except a hook up, cah or use of my property. ( I ll mow ur yard, but not loan you my mower ).

 

[NewChapter]

You are what you do! No matter how you feel or how you would like to be percieved! Your life is defined by your actions period! Who are you? You are what youve done and not what you want to do or mean to do. It takes a lifetime to forge who you are and you have the power to change who you are! It takes time....... you mold who you ARE one day at a time!

 

[FormerFatty]

Sometimes you have to lose everything to find out who you really are. We spend most of our time trying to adding distractions to our life to keep us from actually looking at our selves. It takes a strong dude to sit back and say DAMN is was a real asshole.

 

[jkmola]

Great post. Got married when I was 20, and after being married for longer than I was single - got divorced. So spending practically my whole adult life with someone else, and getting married so young - there was never really any chance of finding out who I really was. It was pretty hard just getting used to coming downstairs in the morning and nobody to say good morning, talk about the day, or whatever. It's just a huge adjustment. You call people all the time, invite yourself along, drop by, look up old friends - basically come across as desperate for company! LOL. I'll say it took me probably a good 8 months to finally wake up one day, and think I was OK with being alone.

I've tried to instill in my three children (26, 24, 22) there is NO NEED to get married these days before 30 yrs old. Travel, have adventure, grow emotionally and spiritually, develop independent thinking, and become their own person. Too many relationships I see today are like mine was - 2 emotionally underdeveloped people codependent on each other, rather than 2 mature, self-secure INDIVIDUALS sharing their lives together. Good stuff, Dialtone.

 

[jimbob767]

good post, and responses. wish i coulda read something like this 3 yrs ago lol

 

[laceration]

motivational post man thanks

 

[Rosco FleX]

Kinda feel like I can run for President after reading all this. Or AT LEAST ask for a raise at work, haha.

 

[XxxMadMaxxX]

Learning To cherish Your own company is a virtue most of us never figure out, As human being we tend to gravitate towards other people to fulfill our needs , to belong to a culture, social structure, or a community. Soon after we find our self "fitting In" to this circle of friend, and its much harder then you think because you never took the time to figure your self out first. This could start a vicious cycle because then you are constantly doing stuff to please other in order to "fit in" to your click, rather then pleasing your self and taking care of your needs first.

Who Am I???.... I figured that out a long time ago because I am an only child so there for When I was growing up, I learned to cherish my own company first, since I never had any sibling to play with or share my life with (but did always have my Mom and Dad), I was able to sit in my room and think! think! Think! and Then I finally figured out who I Really was.
I figured out....
I was a social creature just like everyone else and Savored every moment that I spent with my friends, Relatives, Co workers, Girl friends etc. But At times I would take a step back and become very introverted just so I have time to turn in on myself and reflect on who I was and evaluate my achievements in life. This action made me feel good about my self and boosted my confidence level and made me realize who I really was at that exact moment of life.....A thinking MAN!!!!!

 

[SquadLeader]

You have to understand you won't always be in that position and look forward to the time when you are where you want to be. Sitting alone in your apartment isn't as bad as it seems. Focus on your goals and where you want to go.

 

[heavylifts]

Very inspiring words

 

[nescafe]

Great post. Got married when I was 20, and after being married for longer than I was single - got divorced. So spending practically my whole adult life with someone else, and getting married so young - there was never really any chance of finding out who I really was. It was pretty hard just getting used to coming downstairs in the morning and nobody to say good morning, talk about the day, or whatever. It's just a huge adjustment. You call people all the time, invite yourself along, drop by, look up old friends - basically come across as desperate for company! LOL. I'll say it took me probably a good 8 months to finally wake up one day, and think I was OK with being alone.

I've tried to instill in my three children (26, 24, 22) there is NO NEED to get married these days before 30 yrs old. Travel, have adventure, grow emotionally and spiritually, develop independent thinking, and become their own person. Too many relationships I see today are like mine was - 2 emotionally underdeveloped people codependent on each other, rather than 2 mature, self-secure INDIVIDUALS sharing their lives together. Good stuff, Dialtone.

Nice post brah

 

[3DRanger87]

Going through this right now, thanks man.

 

[vladiT]

^^ going through this too,

in the point where, im so fed up with relationships, ending up the same no matter what you put into them, its just an adjustment losing a family situation, learning to eat dinner alone and sleep alone. as humans we werent ment to be alone i think, but we wernt ment to be consumed by the fake world that exists today

 

[Delicio56]

At one point in my life, or for most of my life for that matter, I was very social and involved in a number of various networks. I lost that though and I realized I had never figured out who I was as a person and that I had been defining myself through everyone around me. As I've mentioned, I lost all of this. I was in a situation where I was forced to figure out who I was and what made me happy without anyone else.

It was rocky, to start. "Rocky" doesn't actually begin to describe how hard it was. I met people that I would try to treat as people I used to know so I wouldn't suffer from a void. But when it all came down, I didn't really know them and they certainly didn't know me.

So what do you do? Start building up who you want to be NOW. It's not easy...being beside yourself can be a scary thing. When it is you and only you sitting alone in a one bedroom apartment, who are you now? It takes time and experience to figure this out. I can tell you though, when you finally figure out who you are, who you REALLY are, it is a liberating feeling. If you are strong, physically and emotionally, you know that you are strong because of what YOU have done, and not because of what other people are doing for you. But that moment, when you are certain, that "this is ME", who are you?

WOW! bro this is exactly what i am going through in my life. you couldnt have said it any better for me. what could i honestly do to come to terms with who i am? im always living in sort of a fantasy. its almost like i have two totally diffrent personalities that clash together.

i am a gemini, so maybe im stuck with what i have (mentally)?

 

[Panthro]

It's all about balance... I'm a sag so I can either be very extroverted or very introverted depending on how I feel. I can go weeks blowing all my friends off then weeks wanting to be around everyone. Learning to balance it is the key.

WOW! bro this is exactly what i am going through in my life. you couldnt have said it any better for me. what could i honestly do to come to terms with who i am? im always living in sort of a fantasy. its almost like i have two totally diffrent personalities that clash together.

i am a gemini, so maybe im stuck with what i have (mentally)?

 

[size_matters]

( I ll mow ur yard, but not loan you my mower ).

Well said, I know a few guys who would loan their wives before their lawn mowers, which is why I'm best friends with them.

 

[German89]

I'd rather be alone. Actually, I love being alone!
Nothing better then peace and quite. No one to bug you, and no one for you to get upset with, or dissapointed with.

All I want is a farm, I hate the city... Being with my boyfriends (who lives in a bigger city) makes me hate the city even more!

I think when you go through a break up/divorce you just have to re-establish your routine.

I can say I miss my sundays with my best friend and her.. well, my second mother... I miss my old sunday's a lot... I miss my childhood sundays too... I miss watching football with my mom and then hanging out with my childhood friend and having sunday dinner with them.

 

[Chicago Made]

Still figuring out who I am and where I belong... But I guess it's all about the journey not the destination... Great thread, hope it helps someone, it helped me...

 

[buildingpaul]

Excellent thread.
I am 38 and still don't know who I am. I am always trying to please others or lying to get out of things as I suffer from anxiety which limits me as in how far I can travel from home. Dr's have me on all this medication but as yet still no joy.....12 years of this! I am an only child and was raised in a very anxious household as Mum and Dad have anxiety, lots of arguments over money, although I was never badly treaten, never hit but had to lie for my Dad so Mum would not get angry with him and so the same for my Mum. Now I live by myself, had a few relationships but none have ever lasted that long. I live my American Bulldog who is just fantastic. I see my daughter every evening, she is 15 years old this year.....Still have a job driving the 7 miles down the road to collect her from school due to anxiety. I am hoping my Endo will sort me out and give me confidence with some Test as I had my blood works done over a year ago and my natural Testosterone levels are very low and Estrogen levels are high. I am currently not working and have not for some years, to scared to.....To see me you would think I was full of confidence, but it is all a front! I am 6ft, 228lbs, 14%BF so of good size.