Roller coaster Relationships.

[dialtone]

It seems that, unfortunately, everybody meets someone that drives them crazy. One day they act like someone who really cares about you, the next they act like they don't know who you are. Typically, the ratio of bad to good days are extremely skewed. Of course, overall, it's a horrible relationship but the few good days keep you around through the bad days.

When you finally decide that you have had enough of the bad times, they give you a slew of good days and comforting lies, which inevitably suck you back in and cloud your rational decision making abilities. You pull away, and they try everything they know you want (women use sex, men use words you want to hear) to get you back where they want you. Even when something drastic happens (cheating, exposed lying, blatant disregard for your happiness, etc.) you still can't seem to get away because they pull you back in. The good times become especially good because of their contrast with the bad times.

The worst part is that you get used to this dynamic. You can meet new people, good people that care about you and your happiness but it feels boring because you are used to the roller coaster.

How do you keep your head on straight when they try to pull you back in? How do you get off the ride?

 

[A.B]

Went through something similar recently. My mind was clouded and I still have to remind myself daily that the bad outweighed the good, and I shouldn't have felt that way. I also surround my self with friends. And I try to add something new to my routine to stay busy.

 

[Zeek]

I have a crazy woman after me now that put her bra in my mailbox with a note to call her

Figured the number change would have sent a hint

Ahh well ice cream lovers are often insane as a rule of thumb!

 

[Georgia]

Tell them you're gay and they'll leave you alone.



Worked for me.

 

[aznfondue]

I'm going through this right now. It sucks because I feel like it's affecting my workout and my growth. I believe in the whole mind power philosophy. If you're mind is not their u cannot maximize your growth. When I'm dealing with her I feel like my size depletes. Gotta keep focusing though.

 

[Infantry87]

It seems that, unfortunately, everybody meets someone that drives them crazy. One day they act like someone who really cares about you, the next they act like they don't know who you are. Typically, the ratio of bad to good days are extremely skewed. Of course, overall, it's a horrible relationship but the few good days keep you around through the bad days.

When you finally decide that you have had enough of the bad times, they give you a slew of good days and comforting lies, which inevitably suck you back in and cloud your rational decision making abilities. You pull away, and they try everything they know you want (women use sex, men use words you want to hear) to get you back where they want you. Even when something drastic happens (cheating, exposed lying, blatant disregard for your happiness, etc.) you still can't seem to get away because they pull you back in. The good times become especially good because of their contrast with the bad times.

The worst part is that you get used to this dynamic. You can meet new people, good people that care about you and your happiness but it feels boring because you are used to the roller coaster.

How do you keep your head on straight when they try to pull you back in? How do you get off the ride?

This ^^^ Happened with my ex-wife man. We knew each other for 6 yrs and was married after 3 for 3 yrs. After she cheated on me while I was on my first deployment to Iraq. The divorce was final and a couple months later she was texting/calling etc. So I gave her another shot for awhile and she just didnt change and I knew she was bad news for me. Always fighting and just didnt get along. Honestly man if the bad outweighs the good, you need to do whats in the best interest of you. It hurts for awhile but I found someone about a yr ago and she's so much better. We dont fight, argue or any of that stupid shit me and the ex did and shes younger and hotter too.

 

[TheDarkHalf]

It seems that, unfortunately, everybody meets someone that drives them crazy. One day they act like someone who really cares about you, the next they act like they don't know who you are. Typically, the ratio of bad to good days are extremely skewed. Of course, overall, it's a horrible relationship but the few good days keep you around through the bad days.

When you finally decide that you have had enough of the bad times, they give you a slew of good days and comforting lies, which inevitably suck you back in and cloud your rational decision making abilities. You pull away, and they try everything they know you want (women use sex, men use words you want to hear) to get you back where they want you. Even when something drastic happens (cheating, exposed lying, blatant disregard for your happiness, etc.) you still can't seem to get away because they pull you back in. The good times become especially good because of their contrast with the bad times.

The worst part is that you get used to this dynamic. You can meet new people, good people that care about you and your happiness but it feels boring because you are used to the roller coaster.

How do you keep your head on straight when they try to pull you back in? How do you get off the ride?

I think it just takes time. You need to stop talking to them and get over them and the relationship. Moving forward is the only solution.

For example, in OCT 2010 I met the girl I'd been looking for my entire life. She had everything I needed to make things last long term. Unfortunately, she cheated on me with a professional NHL player, twice. I took her back because I loved her and wanted to work on things.

Unfortunately, that event changed me. I was different after the fact, and it took the relationship ending (day after xmas) for me to realize that.

And ever since then, it's been a rollercoaster of back and forth. Hanging out, serious conversations, tears, spending a few weeks here and there not speaking, etc. Just crazy back and forth....her saying one thing and doing another.

I know exactly how you feel, and as of last night I finally made the decision to stop talking to her for good. She wanted to be dropped off a cliff so to speak and now i'm giving her what she wants and treating her how she wants to be treated. She can't handle me in her life, and that's fine. But I honestly can't deal with the back and forth anymore. So i'm done.

At some point you have to tell the other person so long and best wishes until you two are both at a point where a friendship can be established, if ever.

 

[aznfondue]

Well my case is i'm going through that rollercoaster and i could just walk out if it wasn't for a child we both share. Anybody with that experience and how you got over that?

 

[SquadLeader]

You need to avoid people like this, lose their number, don't answer when they knock on your door, avoid them in public. You have to move on you can't let someone else pull you back into their cycle of negativeness.

 

[Ratatat]

Sounds like someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder. HPD fits that exact description.

 

[TheDarkHalf]

I think it just takes time. You need to stop talking to them and get over them and the relationship. Moving forward is the only solution.

For example, in OCT 2010 I met the girl I'd been looking for my entire life. She had everything I needed to make things last long term. Unfortunately, she cheated on me with a professional NHL player, twice. I took her back because I loved her and wanted to work on things.

Unfortunately, that event changed me. I was different after the fact, and it took the relationship ending (day after xmas) for me to realize that.

And ever since then, it's been a rollercoaster of back and forth. Hanging out, serious conversations, tears, spending a few weeks here and there not speaking, etc. Just crazy back and forth....her saying one thing and doing another.

I know exactly how you feel, and as of last night I finally made the decision to stop talking to her for good. She wanted to be dropped off a cliff so to speak and now i'm giving her what she wants and treating her how she wants to be treated. She can't handle me in her life, and that's fine. But I honestly can't deal with the back and forth anymore. So i'm done.

At some point you have to tell the other person so long and best wishes until you two are both at a point where a friendship can be established, if ever.

Dialtone, since you liked this last post I'd figure I'd provide you and the rest of the guys in this thread an update.

So after 6 months of not seeing each other or talking, I run into my ex outside the grocery store. I had literally just gotten off a flight (which was earlier than my scheduled one), go to the ATM and get screwed cause it wasn't working, get chipotle, go to the grocery store, and then run into her right outside. Funny how fate steers you into a direction sometimes.

So we chat for about 10-15mins. I couldn't have been better. I was fresh off a trip from home, I was over her, and it was just like talking to an old friend.

About 15 mins later I get a text from a number I don't recognize. It's the ex and she's saying that I looked great and that she'd like to go to coffee. I figure there is no harm in that, I'm over it no big deal. Just coffee. We talk and I tell her how I've fallen for someone else since her (was a 6month fling with a girl that had a boyfriend and is now engaged to him) and I think that kind of bothered her. Oh well neither here nor there. So we caught up and it was cool.

This turned into regular hangouts once or a week or once EOW for the month of September. One night in October we were hanging out at my place and we hooked it. Which lead to a few more hookups and dating for a short stent.

We basically got to the point where we needed to make a decision on whether or not we were going to try again. She decided it was not the right decision for her. My mind started to wonder as to why. Why all of a sudden she would go cold turkey. And it hit me. There had to have been someone else.

So I asked her about it. Straight up. What's his name? She assured me that there was no one else, and that she made this decision independent of me. I told her I'd rather hear it from her now, then find out about it later. Gave her a chance to come clean and tell the truth.

She lied. Turns out my gut instinct was correct. Less than 3 weeks after we went our separate ways I found out she was already steady with another guy. Which tells me that she was with him and I at the same time, and went steady with him the minute she dropped me. Makes me wonder if he knows that. Guess it doesn't matter, but I digress.

Re-reading my old post makes me realize I wish I would have read this before she came back around. The good person I am let her back in and opened me up again, and it all fell apart (again). I'm in a better place now than what I was in november, but I still find myself thinking about her from time to time. I guess with her being steady with someone else I don't have to worry about her circling back around any time soon. Part of me is afraid because of what we shared and the feelings I had/have for her, might make it a long process of 'getting off the rollercoaster'.

Even though I was clearly off the rollercoaster, it is now clear that I was not smart enough to avoid the ride for a second time. It's like I was walking down the exit line....and right when I was about to veer left and check out a new rollercoaster, I veered right and got back in line for a second time.

I want to close the door on this for good. I need to close the door on this for good. In the mean time, I'm just working on expanding myself. Learning a language. Playing music. Traveling. Doing what opens up my soul and accomplishing the goals I have set for myself. In hindsight I look back and realize had that second round with the ex not ever happened, I would have the attitude and mindset I have today to make better use of my time and expand who I am.

I figure I don't need to waste time looking for a woman. At some point, the right woman will find me And if that doesn't ever happen, I'm okay with that. Living a life of soul expansion and being more wordly are things that I am passionate about.

 

[TheDarkHalf]

You need to avoid people like this, lose their number, don't answer when they knock on your door, avoid them in public. You have to move on you can't let someone else pull you back into their cycle of negativeness.

This. Sometimes it's easier said than done. When you go beyond just caring and loving someone. When you share a part of your soul it's tough to just turn that away. I'm not a fan of building walls to keep people out, but maybe in my case I need to make an exception.

 

[dialtone]

Dialtone, since you liked this last post I'd figure I'd provide you and the rest of the guys in this thread an update.

So after 6 months of not seeing each other or talking, I run into my ex outside the grocery store. I had literally just gotten off a flight (which was earlier than my scheduled one), go to the ATM and get screwed cause it wasn't working, get chipotle, go to the grocery store, and then run into her right outside. Funny how fate steers you into a direction sometimes.

So we chat for about 10-15mins. I couldn't have been better. I was fresh off a trip from home, I was over her, and it was just like talking to an old friend.

About 15 mins later I get a text from a number I don't recognize. It's the ex and she's saying that I looked great and that she'd like to go to coffee. I figure there is no harm in that, I'm over it no big deal. Just coffee. We talk and I tell her how I've fallen for someone else since her (was a 6month fling with a girl that had a boyfriend and is now engaged to him) and I think that kind of bothered her. Oh well neither here nor there. So we caught up and it was cool.

This turned into regular hangouts once or a week or once EOW for the month of September. One night in October we were hanging out at my place and we hooked it. Which lead to a few more hookups and dating for a short stent.

We basically got to the point where we needed to make a decision on whether or not we were going to try again. She decided it was not the right decision for her. My mind started to wonder as to why. Why all of a sudden she would go cold turkey. And it hit me. There had to have been someone else.

So I asked her about it. Straight up. What's his name? She assured me that there was no one else, and that she made this decision independent of me. I told her I'd rather hear it from her now, then find out about it later. Gave her a chance to come clean and tell the truth.

She lied. Turns out my gut instinct was correct. Less than 3 weeks after we went our separate ways I found out she was already steady with another guy. Which tells me that she was with him and I at the same time, and went steady with him the minute she dropped me. Makes me wonder if he knows that. Guess it doesn't matter, but I digress.

Re-reading my old post makes me realize I wish I would have read this before she came back around. The good person I am let her back in and opened me up again, and it all fell apart (again). I'm in a better place now than what I was in november, but I still find myself thinking about her from time to time. I guess with her being steady with someone else I don't have to worry about her circling back around any time soon. Part of me is afraid because of what we shared and the feelings I had/have for her, might make it a long process of 'getting off the rollercoaster'.

Even though I was clearly off the rollercoaster, it is now clear that I was not smart enough to avoid the ride for a second time. It's like I was walking down the exit line....and right when I was about to veer left and check out a new rollercoaster, I veered right and got back in line for a second time.

I want to close the door on this for good. I need to close the door on this for good. In the mean time, I'm just working on expanding myself. Learning a language. Playing music. Traveling. Doing what opens up my soul and accomplishing the goals I have set for myself. In hindsight I look back and realize had that second round with the ex not ever happened, I would have the attitude and mindset I have today to make better use of my time and expand who I am.

I figure I don't need to waste time looking for a woman. At some point, the right woman will find me And if that doesn't ever happen, I'm okay with that. Living a life of soul expansion and being more wordly are things that I am passionate about.

Reading this almost gave me chills as this very thing has happened to me many times, more than I'd like to admit. I've dated many girls and there was one that really affected me...the rollercoaster. I'm not really sure why this girl had such the hold on me. I've never been drawn to someone like that before. We dated (or at least that's what I thought) for about a year and things never felt right. I've played tons of girls so I know the signs and I knew I was getting played. If questioned her defense would be to get angry. I'm not an angry person so I would immediately just say, "It's ok, let's just forget it." Well eventually, the evidence piled up and she finally came clean stating that I was just a guy on the side.

After coming clean we really tried to make things work, despite how it is nearly impossible to trust someone who lied to you every day for a year. After about two months, things started to feel weird again. She started being very weird about her phone (turning it off when I was around, leaving it in her car, etc.), rarely seeing her, sending me texts at 8:00pm saying that she was going to bed and couldn't talk the rest of the night, etc. Eventually, it came out that I was being played again. I ended things and the next day she was openly back with her ex. Since then (Nov.) we have hooked up occasionally since we have to see each other due to work and she is openly with her boyfriend.

It is difficult. When you have that inescapable draw to someone, which we both have for each other it feels impossible to turn it off. Every time we hook up, it does affect me for a couple of days but I've learned to accept the fact that she is someone I am very attracted to, we have great sex, and I do care about her but at the same time, I never want to go through what I went through again.

I walk away from that situation knowing that I tried my absolute hardest to make it work. I overlooked my needs to make her happy and I never lied to her. I've dated since and continue to do so but I'll never feel that draw again, and I'm ok with that. The hardest thing to accept was that it was the rollercoaster that sucked me in. Stable, honest girls are not nearly as exciting as someone you will never understand. Though it may be boring, you'll never have a sleepless night over a girl that tells you the truth.

 

[tbonexl]

I walk into relationships with the fuck it attitude. If all is well and I'm getting what I should and she's happy, good. If not, fuck it. No need to waste time. I've been single before... They make chics everyday. I'm not stressing over something that is out of my hands. I'm pretty up front about it too. I make sure that their aware of the level of shit I'm not going to tolerate. I don't care how hot or special they think they are. I'm not gods gift to women but I'm not a sucker either. U gotta look at it as a business, kinda... Cuz if it goes one way, their going to get all your shit. Just keep yourself in check with your perspectives. Thats all.

 

[trix03]

You guys should talks about thoses subjects with your friends*. Have good times with your buddy when it goes down with your wife. When anybody in the relationship (man or women) cheat, it will never be like before...

 

[TheDarkHalf]

Reading this almost gave me chills as this very thing has happened to me many times, more than I'd like to admit. I've dated many girls and there was one that really affected me...the rollercoaster. I'm not really sure why this girl had such the hold on me. I've never been drawn to someone like that before. We dated (or at least that's what I thought) for about a year and things never felt right. I've played tons of girls so I know the signs and I knew I was getting played. If questioned her defense would be to get angry. I'm not an angry person so I would immediately just say, "It's ok, let's just forget it." Well eventually, the evidence piled up and she finally came clean stating that I was just a guy on the side.

After coming clean we really tried to make things work, despite how it is nearly impossible to trust someone who lied to you every day for a year. After about two months, things started to feel weird again. She started being very weird about her phone (turning it off when I was around, leaving it in her car, etc.), rarely seeing her, sending me texts at 8:00pm saying that she was going to bed and couldn't talk the rest of the night, etc. Eventually, it came out that I was being played again. I ended things and the next day she was openly back with her ex. Since then (Nov.) we have hooked up occasionally since we have to see each other due to work and she is openly with her boyfriend.

It is difficult. When you have that inescapable draw to someone, which we both have for each other it feels impossible to turn it off. Every time we hook up, it does affect me for a couple of days but I've learned to accept the fact that she is someone I am very attracted to, we have great sex, and I do care about her but at the same time, I never want to go through what I went through again.

I walk away from that situation knowing that I tried my absolute hardest to make it work. I overlooked my needs to make her happy and I never lied to her. I've dated since and continue to do so but I'll never feel that draw again, and I'm ok with that. The hardest thing to accept was that it was the rollercoaster that sucked me in. Stable, honest girls are not nearly as exciting as someone you will never understand. Though it may be boring, you'll never have a sleepless night over a girl that tells you the truth.

Yeah I hear you man and this is the one that got me. Was a very deep and connected relationship and even to this day, as I write this, I still feel something for her. I shouldn't. But I do. Sometimes you really can't help how you feel.

It is impossible to make things work again. At least, in the immediate future. You really have no idea how such a thing will effect you. It took me months to come to the conclusion that her cheating really had screwed her, me, and the relationship up in ways I couldn't even begin to understand. I learned a lot from the decisions I made. Unfortunately, life is always understood in a backwards direction. Hindsight is always 20-20.

Every time the ex and I hooked up it meant something. It wasn't just a casual thing. We too had a solid connection inside and outside of the bedroom. And at the time when she came back for round 2, I was in the mindset that it wasn't going to go anywhere. But she started to convince me otherwise, and then left me standing yet again. I had rationally and logically learned to separate my feelings for her and compartmentalize it so that I wouldn't get hurt again. And lo and behold, the minute I put it all back together. Poof. Gone.

So I wrote her a short letter. Maybe a paragraph or two. Sums up that I'm done trying to get her. I'm moving on, shutting the door on us for good, and that if she ever crosses my path again it will be like running in to an old friend or acquaintance. Won't be awkward to stop and catch up and say "hey it's good to see you! because it actually will be good to see you." Never again will I let myself get back on to that rollercoaster. I never sent her the letter, because I would have preferred to have said it all in person. But at this point, it's been so long, I really don't see the point in ever sending it. But if I do ever see her again, and we do chat, I'll give her a warm reminder to check her email before we go our separate ways again

I also believe I will be hard pressed to find that draw again. I feel like it is a constant battle to find the most impossible situations (dating a girl that had a boyfriend, currently scheduled to visit and score with a chick in another country that barely speaks any english lol).

And not finding that draw may mean a life of being single. But honestly, I'm okay with that too. I will never settle for anything less than my best. I won't settle for anything less than the connection that I felt when I was with her. Who knows, maybe I will find something better. Maybe I won't. Either way, I'm cool with how it shakes out. I'm great without a woman....I just want a woman to share my greatness with or maybe find one that can add to it

I too walk away knowing that I gave it everything I had. And that's all you can really do. Is ask your self if you gave it 100 percent, and if you didn't, then why didn't you? Always best to play the hand that you have and let the cards fall as they may.

 

[TheDarkHalf]

Well ran into the ex tonight when I was out with a friend grabbing a drink after dinner. More like she ran into us. We wouldn't have seen her had she not gone out of her way to say hi. My friend and I both gave her the deer in headlights look that said "who are you and what the fuck are you doing talking to us" lol.

Sure enough, about a half hour after leaving the bar I get a text from a number I don't recognize that says "I'm sorry".

And this was how it all began last time. Part of me wants to respond, and part of me wants to just delete it. Fucking rollercoasters man....

 

[dialtone]

Don't respond dude!!!!!!! That's how it fucking starts! Every god damn time man. Last time for me, we hadn't talked in weeks and avoided each other at work. One day I passed her and she smiled instead of putting her head down...30 min later I get a smiley face text, 1 hour later we're banging...the next four days I was brutally depressed. Just stay away.

Well ran into the ex tonight when I was out with a friend grabbing a drink after dinner. More like she ran into us. We wouldn't have seen her had she not gone out of her way to say hi. My friend and I both gave her the deer in headlights look that said "who are you and what the fuck are you doing talking to us" lol.

Sure enough, about a half hour after leaving the bar I get a text from a number I don't recognize that says "I'm sorry".

And this was how it all began last time. Part of me wants to respond, and part of me wants to just delete it. Fucking rollercoasters man....

 

[TheDarkHalf]

Don't respond dude!!!!!!! That's how it fucking starts! Every god damn time man. Last time for me, we hadn't talked in weeks and avoided each other at work. One day I passed her and she smiled instead of putting her head down...30 min later I get a smiley face text, 1 hour later we're banging...the next four days I was brutally depressed. Just stay away.

I did respond - she came into the supplement shop I worked at the next day and we chatted for a while - she's texted me a few times here and there but nothing has come of it....

That being said....I have dates with two other women this weekend and have my eye on a girl at work that I will be pulling the trigger on once I get a chance to talk to her

 

[Fingerling]

D1tch the b1tch. Games and drama is for highschool, and its even pathetic then.