Juced, the past 2 weeks have been pretty hard for me, i seem to have a peak of anxiety between 8-10 am Then in general the rest of the day is better, saliva, appetite, and motivation are good in the evening I'm more optimistic.
Only drugs I'm taking were prescribed by my doctor last week. I'm taking cialis which thank god has helped in the bedroom although my wife think some of the sexual problems I'm having are in my head or anxiety related.
He Also prescribed Ativan (lorazepam) to Help me sleep but i still have had insomnia, waking every 2-3 Hours sometimes in a sweat. The daytime hot flashes have decreased though. I Just want to get a good full nights rest
My main problem right now is sleep...
I have been training less and putting healthy fats back in the diet every day as suggested.
From reading various forums it seems I'm experiencing the post cycle "crash" or depression, although it has been 10 months now since my cycle
I'm seeing an endo in a couple days
Well I saw 2 endocrinologists, one of which just basically told me my test is normal and I have an anxiety disorder and it's all in my head.
The second endo (who has worked with AAS users) told me that likely what hapenned is the compounds remained in my system for a long time which is why I appeared to be recovered in October but am only now feeling the "crash" he wrote me a script for clomid which he thinks is the only thing that will help but he assures me in time I will be back to normal
The thing is in the past couple of weeks things have gotten better and worse. I feel ok when I take Ativan but otherwise feel very anxious and depressed.. Having insomnia and occasional night sweats and not getting good sleep, i am not even tired during the the day because im wired from nervousness. I am at this point strongly considering antidepressants so i can Feel better and finaly get a good nights sleep
The Only positives are my junk is working and im having good sex at least once a week with the wife. Also workouts are ok even without caffeine or stimulants can get great pumps. Strength probably down a bit. And i am definitely noticing increased injuries and longer Times to recover.
Please any Help or input would be appreciated.
the peek in early hrs could be from over thinking and your body releasing its "wake up" chemicals. I find i am more edgy in the early AM vs. pm.
what I have found to help me is meditation or yoga and working out. working out helps you drain some excessive energy and releases feelgood chemicals like endocannabanoids (your bodies cannabis like chemicals) aka "runners high".
I have found even just dropping and doing some pushups when anxiety thoughts are floating around and being felt to help a bunch. but a full workout atleast 3-4 days a week has me feeling at my best , along with meditation (even guided meditations you can find for free on youtube). I am getting back into yoga now as i havent done it in almost a year but used to atleast a couple days a week + my other workouts. its really good for backpain and health, not just the mind IMO.
I would avoid anti depressants and the benzo loraz. think about it, you have something to deal with and come to terms with through understanding and growth, pills will cover it up and act as more of a bandaid. its one thing to use it as a tool whole trying to deal with something (like a phobia of flying but you need to get to your destination and take an aid to not wigg on the plan) but another to take daily and avoid learning what and why is going on and how it really is NOT a big deal in terms of something happening, but is the biggest deal in the world when the focal point of your thoughts.
its a multifaceted thing to come to a clam with. body and mind are connected yes and workout etc help, but learning thought patterns that are bringing up worry and consciously "reprogramming how you think" is the biggest part in anxiety and depression. and trust me its possible and known, but usually docs just give a pill that the book says to give for so and so and they move on to next patient. (big issue nowadays).
thoughts are just that, thoughts and feel real when you feed them and get the emotional and physical response. but YOU control your throughts or they control you. and most people are controlled by their thoughts and dont even see it. and all is dandy if they are "normal" in terms of worry etc. and may never even notice it. you are the driver, not the thoughts, but in automatic pilot this is not so true and when developing bad thought patterns this usually becomes very evident.
practicing meditation styles and how the mind works along with cognitive therapy is best tool to use to "wake up" and has helped me alot.
also dont take "you have a disorder" as meaning you are ill or something. this is not true.. you can even develop PTSD from bad anxiety attacks that most would need to really live through just to feel slight PTSD, but this dissipates as soon as you realize just howmuch power you have to be conscious and be in the present "real" moment.
it took me just weeks to be good for a long time with anxiety after my first attack that i thought i was having a friggen stroke, but only actually became aware and become the "driver" years later when hard times came up and i was forced to no only understand thought, but to also become more aware of everything and confront it.
anyways there is light at the end of the tunnel and i know right now it might not seem so, but there is. just not when in the dark end does it seem like this is so.
feel free to pm me.
good luck, hope something i said has a positive impact on your growing transition you are going through.