adventures in mortality: charley bronson - engineered for the stone age
WARNING: do not read any of this.
it sounds crazy as fuck, weird to me..
and i was there.
found myself being led up the driveway of a multi million dollar home. this was not the dirty hippies i had imagined myself being surrounded by. my observation was shortly confirmed by the appearance of an obviously "new ager" couple in their mid fifties who came out to greet Ashley with hugs and kisses.
my eyes wandered across the walls of our room, authentic antique medical equipment displayed in glass cases with paperwork and documentations, all of this making more and more sense now.. one of these two new agers, or both, are themselves physicians like Ash. thus I'm going to be attending an ayahuasca ceremony in a house right off of MTV cribs, with a shaman flown here from Peru just for the occasion.. my eyes drawn back to looking at the displays of the instruments they had on their walls, while they were cutting edge of medical technology for their times ( saw that, right? SAW? I'm on fire ok..) antique medical equipment always look like they belong in horror movie.. the instruments they displayed had plenty of wear on then.. gross
i can feel eyes on me, and become aware that sounds of friendly amicable chattering has ceased.. i look up to see the new agers and three or four other hipster hippie hedonist all gawking at the Bronson..
oh yea.. fuck
i showed up to see ash without knowing i was going to be making any first impressions tonight. I'm wearing a white t shirt, and olive drab fatigues that are stuffed into the tops of steel toe logging boots. American History X, remember ? these people couldn't have been any more startled or shaken than if i was leading around a black midget who was dressed in a nazi uniform on a dog leash with an ax in my free hand - and just muttering over and over again " but they's good eatin ''
" but they IS good eatin' "
" BUT THEY IS GOOD EATIN' !!!! "
i watched Ashley touch our female hosts on the shoulder.. ash was smiling and said something softly to them. in that instant, all these people suddenly were smiling warmly and sincerely at me while making easy and polite eye contact.. mental note to self: find out exactly what was murmured by my 6' blonde hippie goddess, that was pure magic.
i walked up and joined the group in strolling down a long hallway into a grand room of the house, with vaulted ceilings 25' or higher. you could mount a backboard and rim on one wall and play a game of 5 on 5 half court basketball in that room.. the peruvian witch was already there, she had a blonde hippie dude with her, him all decked out as if he thought he was some kind of native. the sight of him offended me, i decided i didnt like that silly fucker immediately.. that doesn't happen very often lads, but whatever.. there were blankets with small pillows all spread out in a semi circle facing a wall that had some antique tapestry hung on it.. under the tapestry were jugs and cups, baskets and bowls.. all sorts of containers pots and pans.. she's been brewing
the Mr "i am an Indian" white guy was speaking with the peruvian Brujita, apparently she didn't speak english and he was translating for the rest of us no habla espanol english speaking gueros.. he spoke in a halting manner with very little inflection in his words, like he was fresh off some indian reservation and english was his second language. this guy was a jim morrison wanna be of the first fucking degree. i really hated him.
everyone sat down on these blankets facing the wall with the tapestry, blonde jim morrison explained that he wanted the women on one side and men on the other while looking at me, ashley.. i ignored him and started taking off my boots, here he comes with a determined look on his face..
" i really need you to.."
i pointed my finger at him and he jumped back like i had just flung a wet turd in his face
"NO!"
he turned to the hostess, who was oddly smiling at me, and before he could start crying about my non compliance, she said
'' its ok jim, he's with our friend ashley!"
JIM!!!! no fucking way!!! i mean yea, but come on!!!
thats funny..
he looked at me and shrugged, opened his mouth to say something , and In my best R Lee Ermey full metal jacket drill instructor tone i barked
" thank you jim! "
his face turned red , glanced at ashley.. and he slunk off.. ok yeah i get it, he likes Ashley and i just clipped his balls off in front of her. everybody likes ashley jim, you'll just have to suffer me being here tonight. tough break lad
surveying the participants in tonights spiritual journey, there were two young gay dudes who had pulled their blankets up to each other. there were three older women there, two of them being friends and a third seemingly was here on her own. then a young girl in her mid twenties, again on her own.. and a couple 30 something hipsters who i couldn't tell if they were buddies or married. maybe they got lucky and they married their best friend.. that shit is perfectly acceptable these days ok?
mr indian jim was going through a check list of information about the ceremony for everyone, answering questions, yeah ok i get it everybody is going to throw up and possibly even shit themselves. lets gooooo!!!! but he then added some wonderful deep and profound stories about his own experiences. i wanted to strangle this motherfucker. while he blabbered on and on, i watched the brujita prepping cups of liquid, noticed she would glance up at me every so often and smile.. as much as mr indian jim rubbed me the wrong way i really liked this little peruvian woman..
the lights dimmed down to nearly a moonlit ambience, for the first time i noticed there were small lanterns that had dotting th perimeter of the area we were in.. the room was so big and the ceilings so high, that you could really only see the wall the brujita was working in front of, nearly felt like we were outdoors. indian jim started playing some hippies drums, wasn't too bad.. and one by one the brujita motioned for people to come forward and chug a cup of liquid.. i watched everyone go, and being seated nearly in th middle of the semi circle, she still chose me last, hmm..
i crawled up on hands and knees like id seen the others do, and she handed me a large mug with a handle.. not the little cup the others had drank from. she looked at me and smiled, a warm sincere smile, i liked her right away.. she placed a hand over her heart handed me this mug, i held my breath and chugged it on down.. as i was finishing it, it kinda taste like bitter dirt flavored kool aid, when i handed her the empty mug, she took her hand off from over her heart and placed it over mine. she hadn't done this with anyone else. she closed her eyes and whispered something, she was praying.. when she finished she lifted her head up and opened her eyes, she had tears in her eyes and sniffled a little bit. i don't know what she was saying, i don't know what happened there.. i just impulsively grabbed her and hugged her, smiled at her then crawled back off to my blanket..
mr indian was watching me now, with a smug look on his face.. that is not very evolved or enlightened of you jim!!! i knew what was coming and i didn't want that fucker to have any satisfaction, so i had a heart to heart talk with my digestive tract and explained the situation. my body and i made a deal that we wouldn't be doing any vomitting, and definitely not going to let the hershey squirts or anything else ruin our fucking night out.
done..
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1. i feel it..
i don't know if it had anything to do with the ayahuasca or just the ambiance of the situation, but i have no idea how long i sat there before i started to feel a little something. i just felt light and happy.. some little spark of elation, but nothing overwhelming.. just happy and tingling with about as much buzz as if i had funneled two beers back in highshcool. then i felt dizzy, noticed that my awareness of just where i was and who was around me seemed to be slipping.. like my thoughts and my consciousness were being drawn inward..
about that time, i heard something like a sealion.. snapped me back into a little more situational awareness, some of the other participants were taking turns dry heaving and barfing. reminded me of the pie eating contest from "stand by me" first t would be the lady who came by herself, then the young girl - and both of the hipster guys.. i noticed mr indian jim drop his hippie drum and made haste that everyone had buckets available right away, busied himself cleaning up after a couple people.. he walked up to my blanket with a bucket and started to speak..
" NO!" and he jumped back again when i pointed my finger at him.
i heard giggles, my shiny happy hippie goddess ashley wasn't purging either..
" oooh! yours soooo scary mr B!!!! "
" you shoosh!!! or ill give Jim your number and tell him about that thing with all the knobs on it in your sock drawer!"
more giggles.. and she curls up like a baby on her blanket and closes her eyes with a smile still on her face..
looked like a good idea. i stripped out of my clothes except my boxers and curled up with the little pillow. jim was playing his heart out on the hippie drum again. this is waaay more mellow than i expected. too mellow, i think I'm going to fall asleep
i don't know how long i lay there. i don't remember what i was thinking about, but i noted that my thoughts weren't cohesive and linear anymore.. i sat up and opened my eyes, maybe i just drifted off..
nope. every time my mind tried to prices any information, the rational aspect of comprehensive thought just wasnt there, somehow i managed to observe that what was basally taking place, was that i couldn't think in a language anymore.. there wasn't any subject predicate noun verb adverb- nah ! as ideas / emotions came to me, it was all flashes of images objects and shapes.. and the strangest ability to simply be aware without filing things into boxes , there was no labels or names or putting things into boxes or patterns , no processes used to sort information into categories or columns that made sense.. i tried to shake it off, and regain control of my thought processes..
oh yea!!! that just wasn't going to happen! i felt a slight emotional response to this inability to regain control over my thought processes and a sudden panic flooded my body, then i kinda just giggled and felt this , i mean felt this with my whole body, it wasn't a thought, and it wasn't in english " this is why you're here, let go and enjoy the ride"
it was like being a kid on your first roller coaster - you could kick and scream and flip the fuck out , or just hang onto the bar knowing nobody had died riding this motherfuker and laugh your ass off, enjoy it.. i had started to kick and fight and scream - caught myself, and very quickly sent he futility of it , and just as quickly decided that this was going to be fun - kick back and take the ride boy!!!
like any good thrill ride it was picking up, it was building slowly and going faster all the time..
i lay back down and closed my eyes to relax my body relax my emotions.. i saw flashes of these things i thought looked like historical paintings/art work depicting south american gods.. seems strange, even now, that this happened just randomly. i dk, maybe just my subconscious making connections between the brew, the little brown woman, and the fact that i was going into ***** from imbibing a traditional native south american ceremonial hallucinogen. if that is so, then well done subconscious! that was a nice touch.
i lay still, and the panic receded from what felt like my whole body.. anytime i experienced thoughts or emotions, the sensation was felt through my entire body, and not that little screen you have behind your eyes where you tend to see things when trying to picture something or do math in your head, or remember what your girl friend in the 10th grade looked like naked.. nah - i experienced " thought" and emotions from the tingling in my scalp to the tingling in my toes..
i lay very still and calm, the drums sounded very soothing.. i could hear the little peruvian woman humming and chanting softly, she sounded beautiful.. the sounds coming from her were very soothing, not unlike the way a mother would comfort her infant
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2 Im Dying..
laying there as still and quiet as i could.. i could hear and feel my heart beating in my chest. it thumped away , the sound was comforting at first, then it beat faster and faster.. it felt like i was having chest pains, i couldn't really tell.. then it felt like my heart was fluttering in my chest.. am i going to have a fucking heart attack? i better not die here in front of ashley and indian jim, how god damned undignified and embarrassing..
and i lay there feeling my heart flop around in my chest like a dying goldfish on pavement, and yeah.. I'm pretty sure I'm dying. i know that the substance i had just drank , the active ingredient causing all this "fun" is called DMT - massive amounts of DMT flood your brain as a natural occurrence.. when you die..
i felt that panic run through my whole body.. i had images and shapes and " thoughts" about the dead relatives i would see
and suddenly i felt like i was ok with dying, if that was what was going to happen... then so be it, lets get it over with and see my dead relatives
two uncles from suicide.. a nephew from suicide.. two uncles from heart attacks before the age of 50, and.... grandma!!
no really, grandma!!!
im laying somewhere, maybe in a field.. and i can see my grandmother, she's smiling at me..
" grandson, you're going to die!! you're just not going to die tonight!!!" and she laughed.. my grandma was the grandma that would tell a dick joke. she was a bad ass, and a huge part of the DNA samples that made me charlie Bronson. she smiled at me and laughed, told me she loved me and disappeared..
and my uncle R!!!!
hey man!!! its meeeeeee!!! yeaaaa!!!!
he had committed suicide 20 years ago, and he smiled at me and nodded, but could not speak.. made me sad he couldn't speak, but to see hm smiling and ok.. just felt elated. i told i loved him, he placed his hand on mine, mouthed the words " keep going son!!!"
and then he disappeared..
my nephew.. he was there suddenly and i could feel nothing but remorse regrets and sadness, but there he was.. i could see him and he could see me.. this kid killed himself in his early twenties after finding out his wife had been having an affair, she left him for the roach she was sleeping with.. and my little man ate 30 bars of xanax, decide he would quit his job as a human being on this planet. he leaned in and tried to mouth something to me, and just gave up without really getting anything out.. he looked at me as if to say he was sorry, as if he was he was so full of regret that he felt trapped, too embarrassed to say a word to me.. i couldn't reach him to touch him, i oculdnt do anything
he looked so full of grief.. and in that weird mist we were all in, he just vanished like the others..
i was alone in this place now.. i wasn't dying, grandma told me.
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3 past lives (?)
before taking the ayahuasca i told myself i wanted to see who i was before.. i want to know where i came from. this was set as my one and only "intention" for this night, the only inquiry that i wanted to have insight on..
before i go any further with what sounds fantastical and hard to swallow, thats been hard for me to put into words and then actually share here with you guys.. i really have to explain how i was picking up these very intense and very vivid experiences..
this is so important for anyone reading this to understand and grasp.. the " visions" i started having , it wasn't like watching a youtube clip where you see a video that lays out whats going on and how things end.. it was like waking up from a dream and having a complete and sudden awareness of exactly who you were, where you were at , and what was happening/ had already happened. there would be flashes of images, scenes , faces.. but mostly, thoughts and emotions would wash over me.. just completely engulf my consciousness and awareness..
so th best comparison i can lay out here - it felt like when in real life, when you wake up and everything about your existence and reality starts hitting you all at once. you know who you are, you know where you are, you know what happened yesterday - you knows whats happened for the last 43 years. that is as close of an analogy or similarity to an everyday experience as i can draw for you here.. it wasnt a dream or a vision with a linear progression. i have never experienced anything like this.. and ti really does del strange to put all of this into words, somehow cheapens the experience.. like the difference of being there when your child is born, to watching the cheesy home movie of it- and immediately wishing that you'd not allowed anyone to tape it at all.. ill do my best here, its taken me days to process these things i experienced just to even attempt to put this all into words.. and then to actually write about it, has proven far more difficult than i would have ever imagined describing something ever could be..
be warned. this gets really , ummm..
strange
so buckle up, here goes,
it was as if i was enveloped in some mist or fog that obscured me, obscured my surroundings.. then suddenly it cleared somewhat and i saw myself, laying in a blast crater on a battle field.. i think it had to be ww2.. it was dark and felt like my left side was blown all to shreds.. my whole left side was just ground up burger meat .. all around me were these boys groaning and whimpering in there late teens and early twenties, i was maybe 34-36.. i knew i was a lieutenant or captain, these young boys were my men.. and i had been ordered to lead them across a field which i knew myself to be the wrong location, we were being ordered into this field far away from where we were actually supposed to be that night.. and in crossing this area , that we were very likely to be cut down by friendly mortars in trying to make it across this field at night. my protest against the attempt were met by superiors carging me with cowardice and court-martial, battlefield execution for insubordination nd cowardice.
my sergeant persuaded me to just take the orders - it had been quiet and so we attempted to make to to a tree line maybe a quarter mile from where we embarked.. half way across the field, and flares went up over us , mortars started landing in behind us and tore my boys apart.. we charged as hard as we could to make the tree line, and looking back at what i remembered about that charge across the field days after the " trip" was over - i really think those initial mortars were fired off to get us to do just that - we apparently we purposely spooked into charging an area that had been dialed in by artillery - and with only a few shells that air burst directly over us, all my kids were dead and dying torn to pieces. *** i spent days thinking about this, after my ayahuasca fun was long over.. piecing together what i " knew" from those very few moments spent where i felt myself laying blown apart in that hole. i gt those boys killed by following orders i knew were shit. this haunts me terribly. cant get over this, and just writing about it my hands are shaking and i feel grief washing over me. this was the most painful experience for me of the entire evening ***
im in the mist again..
now I'm in a line of men rushing towards a wall.. everyone seems to have single shot rifles, i don't recognize the clothes, they weren't uniforms.. and men behind us pushing us forward, men in front of us being shot down by whoever is behind that wall, we are stepping over them and stepping on them trying to make our charge and close the distantance.. suddenly it felt like a bolt of lightening hit me int he belly and knocked me to the ground.. I'm laying there in the first puling off my clothes feeling my belly trying to find blood.. and just underneath where your belt buckle would lay across your stomach, there is a hole about the diameter of my thumb. i can't feel my legs. peoplel are stepping on me and its so painful i pass out. ok thats enough something else please.. *** the only time i can remember doing this, i literally " asked" or " wished" to leave/ have this particular dream vision experience to end abruptly, and it did. ***
and that mist creeps back over everything..
I'm on a horse at the front of long lines of men that are drawn up going back as far as the horizon.. I'm not a king, but definitely a man of some repute.. a groan and a heavy sigh comes from the masses of men, the sky darkens and there is a buzzing whistling sound I've never heard before.. its arrows and they're coming over us like clouds darkening the sky, dropping among the men and horses.. seems like there isn't much to do, not much panic at all, everyone seems to take great pride in the strange calm among us, the men on horseback especially.. unexpectedly i feel a sharp pain in my cheek.. somehow, an arrow has slid along the side of my helmet in its downward trajectory , yet instead of being deflected away from the center line of my helmet as designed to do.. this arrow rode down into a groove in the helmet and lodged itself in my left cheek. yes friends, i had an arrow sticking out of my face.. and this is odd, I'm not angry or panicked about the injury, I'm still calm and cool as more clouds are coming and that whittling buzzing sound is getting louder again - try to guess the feeling that washes over me?
ready?
i am hugely and profoundly EMBARRASSED!!!
it was like something from monty pythons flying circus - i mean this is just fucking lovely!!! here i am at the head of our army, EVERYBODY IS HERE!!! andy i have a god damed arrow sticking out of my fucking face!!! oh boy, ill never live this one down!!!! ** for days after this experience, my left cheek ached and ached apparently for no reason at all**
there was a few times that i don't recall there being any visual of mist, of anything at all.. the shifitng from one dream/ experience to the next seems to grow just faster and faster , they also became more and more vivid..
now I'm laying on a beach, in the darkness.. it is storming, and huge waves are rising up and breaking nearly onto the beach itself.. i can see bodies riding up on the swells, and then being slammed onto the beach, their clothes having been nearly torn form their bodies by the strength of the waves and rip tides.. there are dead men being tossed around in the waves, dead drowned men on both sides of me scattered along the beach, with only a few survivors like myself able to crawl away from where the waves are breaking and crashing onto the shoreline.. i started crawling away from the water towards higher ground and my clothes have all nearly been torn from my body too.. i was aware that our ship had hit rocks foundered.. i grieved that these men were all my shipmates..
no intermission.. this one was fucjing disturbing.
I'm breaking away in great haste from the ranks of an army thats been ambushed and is being butchered, i flank the opponent who has taken the day from us and follow a tree line that obscures my passage off the battlefield from the enemy.. i find a path that leads me into a village. here is revenge - the fighting men are all away to butcher our forces.. these people are some kind of mortal enemy to me, my whole body is literally buzzing and shaking with hatred and fury.. this place is full of non combatants, and even as our men are being sent to meet the old gods - i begin to avenge us all.. i started swinging my ax, murdering women children and elderly - this is my wrath i am the devil walking among these people - my men are all lost and now i will teach the enemy about real loss. i see myself doing terrible, just awful shit.. little kids. women holding onto infants, elderly couples clutching one another in embraces as i lay down my gods vengeance.. and i just hacked away the whole time growling and snarling and screaming. i physically felt dizzy and sick to my stomach at one point.. the things i witnessed were too disturbing for me to watch.. i was trying to scream at this fucking insane person to stop stop stop fuCKING STOP..the able bodied had fled the village as they could, the crazy man with the axe was exhausted from all his depredations.. with the village now largely abandoned and too exhausted to give pursuit of those still trying to flee - now he was reduced to killing the invalids and wounded he could find that didn't have the strength or the ability to flee the place.. and he murdered people who didn't have the ability to sit up in their beds.
then a terrible cry went up, the howling and screaming of a group of mad men. this man with the ax i had just watched destroy an entire village just smiled and leaned on his ax handle like a crutch. the fighting men of the army who had departed this village to engage our army had been informed of what was happening, and rushed back to the village to provide guard.. the man with the ax who had just murdered so many innocents didn't try to run, didn't try to fight. he was too exhausted, so he just stood there and gloated at the men who were tearing their hair out , completely out of their minds with horror and grief at what had happened..
so i was too exhausted to do anything but laugh, thats what i did. i just laughed at them. a very large very upset young man walked up to me with a handle from an axe or a farming tool and raised it over his head to crush my skull with it.. tears pouring out of his eyes and shaking with rage and grief - i looked at him and laughed, and said words to him in some language that sounded all " fleeebity jeebity floogun!"
and he's going to crush my skull flat, i didn't move a muscle, all i did was utter these words..
" but you are too late!!!"
and i laughed, and the young man brought it down on my head..
**that was what i understood, what i was aware of and saw all at once in a matter of what might have only been a few seconds time. i was told later that at one point during the ceremony i had screamed the word stop over and over again. then went quiet*
no segway of mist or darkness..
now I'm on a horse, on some kind of a steppe, surveying what look alike fields of wheat, the sun is going down and the twilight has the faces of my companions glowing int he colors of the sunset.. i am some kind of leader or chieftain, i am an old man and looking over these fields and the village off in the distance there was a feeling of satisfaction, that i hgad done well and would be remembered well, i was loved and would be well thought of.. i guided my horse over the steppe back towards the dwellings set off in the distance.
and another..
i am still in a place that looks like a great plain, a great steppe.. now I'm in skins and carrying a large heavy stone tipped spear.. I'm leading a small group , maybe a few families that have banded together, with maybe 2-3 other adult males who are following my lead.. **this one seemed to last a very long time** i was just walking with my cave people behind me, taking int he sights and sounds around me. the one time i seemed to have any significant other, i had a woman and a child with me.. they followed as closely to me as i would allow them.. they would get too close to the men i was leading, i would smile at her and motion silently for her to drop back a few paces so we would be well ahead of them and able to defend the family group if we happened upon anything that intended to do us harm, or anything we might try to take down which would then become aggressive in preserving its own life , trying to survive..
no flash, no mist no darkness..
i saw myself on what looked like nearly the same kind of steppe again.. this time I'm not a human being. i am some ice age looking predator, a mix of a bear and a wolf ? i have this unfamiliar feeling of amazing strength and power in my body, the acuity and my senses are something I'm well satisfied that everyitnng i see in the distance in front of me and behind me , all this belongs to me an there is nothing that can challenge me or move me from my seat of power - which is anywhere i chose to roam.. the absolute most glorious feeling, exhilarating and calm all at once. i feel like i know what a tiger, lion, or another great and powerful apex predator feels like, just in existing... it was divine
and at this point my consciousness seems to come back to a level of functioning it hadn't done for however long it has been , i still have no idea.. but i remember that with jumbled and garbled ' thoughts' and emotions that i asked to see back to the beginning.. i asked to go all the way back as far as back can go for anyone..
then I'm in some place that looks semi tropical.. and I'm this huge fucking tortoise. like a Galapagos turtle, but not the same thing.. in my awareness, there isn't such a fucking thing as a dinosaur, there isn't a rat nor a bird.. the thing that i am represents some kind of evolutionary crux for that era, the fruit of evolution at that point and time... the ultimate earthling in this age , was me... this giant turtle.
the sky looked very strange and this giant turtle " me" began burrowing into the ground..
i hear voices.. this is weird, i felt almost like i was transported BACK into my body, into a consciousness that had ties and connections to the skin bag of muscles and guts who you guys refer to as charley B
i sat up and looked around.. the lady who had come there by herself was sitting in some lotus position, her face and her body looked like an inanimate object. in my ayahuasca empowered consciousness i remember 'feeling' yea,, she is out somewhere in the universe having her experience like i just was..
then i hear the voices again.. the gay guys are arguing with mr indian jim. they looked like the animatronic figures at a chuck e cheese, disneys country bear jamboree, like teddy ruxpin and his sidekick grubby. ventriloquist dummies without a hand up their ass making them look alive. well , I'm pretty certain that they had no hand up their asses at that particular moment anyway.
i look over at Ashely.. she's sitting up cross legged with her eyes closed, with some look of horror across her face. i reach over and lightly touched her wrist, her eyes popped open and weak hoarse scream escaped from her mouth before she realized where she was and who she was with.. she threw her arms around my neck and leaned against me sobbing, i patted her back and let out a long soft slow shh.. the way you would sooth a baby..
after where i had just come back from.. to feel like i was back in my body and back to being me again, holding up this little girl was some kind of profound experience of its own. everything about her was such a stark contrast to me. she felt warm and soft, comforting like the way you feel when you hold your child. i could feel her heart beat, could hear and del her breath on my neck and shoulders.. i noticed that she smelled sweet to me, the way a babys hair smells. i thought to myself, if it were any other female, i would probably have a hard on right now.. and i realized that to me, for what ever reason, that to me everything about her other than looking at her, except for the way she appeared, there was nothing else about her that felt or smelled or sounded like a grown woman to me at all.
so i sat there holding onto this 6' tall blonde, who sounded smelled and felt like a 3 or 4 year old little girl that was just scared. she sat up slowly, straightened up and faced me.. and we just sat there looking at each other with our faces inch away.
" you know, you really are like this really wonderful and perfect caveman that got lost in time and somehow ended up here "
melting melt melted melt melt melt.. this time, she definitely knew it.
the liberace twins and indian jim have calmed back down. she's curling up and looks peaceful
I'm alone again.
looking around i see the young girl is being fanned by the brujita.. they've been 10 feet away form me and i never noticed them. this young girl is sighing like she just smelled a rose.. repeatedly, this light happy " ahhhh!!"
in thinking about it later, any other time it might have been annoying, but in this state the sound of this woman cooing and happy felt like warm water pouring over me, i felt happy that she was there, that she was happy..
the hipsters are gone far and away into whatever places they were experiencing... they're laying still and motionless, can't even see them breathing..
the two older women who came together as friends, the same deal.
im laying still with my mind wandering all over the place, thoughts still poorly formed ..
and indian indian jim speaks out, his voice shattering the peace and the calm.. it might as well been a pistol going off in the room, everyone groaned and sighed.. then slowly i ws able to sort out what he had just said and comprehend what was about to happen..
" those who want a second dose of the medicine, wait until Bruijita motions for you to come forward - you may accept or decline"
thats right..
i made three trips to the kettle tonight, this was the opening for round two..
I'm in..
