Depressed, anxious suicidal after blast


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I need help, i dont know what to do, ive been using gear for about a year, also kinda becasue i was ''depressed'' but now this depression just hits 10x worse and actually gives me suicidal thoughts and , and i dont know whether its due to gear or hormone imbalance atm.

Using gear probably was never ever the right answer, and i kept using harsh compounds because i was like just fuck my life im just going to use the worst shit possible.

My blast lasted for about 18 weeks.

In these 18 weeks i constantly switched from compounds , I used anadrol, dianabol, nandrolone, trenbolone , masteron , primobolan. All in different timelines

NPP for 6 weeks along with Test and masteron. In week 2-4 i incorperated tren ace for 2 weeks, i dropped it because i felt suicidal as fuck, i also used anadrol for a couple of weeks. After i dropped the tren ace i still felt a little bit anxious so i also dropped the NPP , so i decided i will just use test + mast + primo from week 6-12 in a cut. Note i also thought i was depressed because of reasons, once those reasons got fixed i was like yeahi totally feel better im going to use tren ace again when i was bulking. So from week 12-14 used tren ace again along with primo and test + mast .i dropped it again, i felt better again so i knew this was just the tren causing me fucking bad mental sides.

After that since i felt better just stayed on a blast from week 14-18 with 400mg test 400mg primo towards the last 2 weeks ,i felt more anxious without any reason. I still have the anxiety or nervousness, i cant even explain it. But the nervousness/anxiousness is giving me suicidal thoughts from time to time. I havent gone to the gym for 2 weeks and a half becuase im just this fucking depressed and sucidial. I dont know even what to do. Im scared that i permentantly damaged my brains with this blast and that i wont be able to recover ever and have to suffer with these thoughts anxiety and depression.

I've already been 5 weeks on a cruise, i've been using only Test 100mg per week and pretty much pin everday/eod. Im fucking lost , i could legit cry every single day, could going back natty do anything for me ?? i've only blasted for a year so i think its still possible, but the fact that im on 100mg Test per week and stil dont feel better, makes me think i will just never be the same anymore again.

I've also done bloodwork, progesterone slightly out of range prolactin 3x higher than max range on my test,

Free test : 1998
Test : 698
Estradiol ; 32
Progesterone ; 3
Prolactin : 45


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