gorilla_boy
Special
Once, twice, three times a lady
As I grow older and wiser, I have learned a few tricks for dealing with the fairer sex. Not just in the bedroom, mind you; in every aspect.
Today I learned something new.
A woman approached me today and asked me something, but I had "Wild Child" by WASP blasting in through my headphones. I saw her lips move though, so I turned my music down and said, "Pardon?"
She said, "Excuse me, I am trying to get to the yoga studio but have no idea which bus to catch - the 34 or the 18."
I told her that yoga is for ignorant fucks who have anti-establishment attitudes and eat granola with soy milk. Furthermore, I explained, most yoga students haven't even mastered basic hygiene - so she'd be better off just not going.
That didn't satisfy her.
She continued on with her questions.
"What bus is it????"
"You are a corporate slave!"
I mean, I'm can tolerate growing long pit hair, not bathing and drinking faggaccinos - but don't insult my way of life. I work, drink, and sometimes relieve taxpayers by torching homeless shelters - not a terrible person by any stretch.
I thought a minute, carefully planning my next intellectual point. Defend myself? Point out the error of her statements?
I gave her a quick smash to the face with a fist full of change.
She went down hard, but quickly bounced back up laughing.
I smacked her again - same deal. I had to break out the REO Speedwagon.
"And I'm gonna keep on smashing you, cause it's the only thing I wanna do. I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on smashing you!"
It sounds repetitive, what with all the lyrics in my reports - but music is integral to being mentally sound.
I smashed her again, this time with a broken parking meter. Her nose collapsed into her skull. Tears streamed down her face, her yoga mat fell to the ground.
I picked up the mat and smothered her with it.
So you see, you can take yoga and be as flexible as you want to be - but even a contortionist can't defend against a well thought out lecture plan.
As I grow older and wiser, I have learned a few tricks for dealing with the fairer sex. Not just in the bedroom, mind you; in every aspect.
Today I learned something new.
A woman approached me today and asked me something, but I had "Wild Child" by WASP blasting in through my headphones. I saw her lips move though, so I turned my music down and said, "Pardon?"
She said, "Excuse me, I am trying to get to the yoga studio but have no idea which bus to catch - the 34 or the 18."
I told her that yoga is for ignorant fucks who have anti-establishment attitudes and eat granola with soy milk. Furthermore, I explained, most yoga students haven't even mastered basic hygiene - so she'd be better off just not going.
That didn't satisfy her.
She continued on with her questions.
"What bus is it????"
"You are a corporate slave!"
I mean, I'm can tolerate growing long pit hair, not bathing and drinking faggaccinos - but don't insult my way of life. I work, drink, and sometimes relieve taxpayers by torching homeless shelters - not a terrible person by any stretch.
I thought a minute, carefully planning my next intellectual point. Defend myself? Point out the error of her statements?
I gave her a quick smash to the face with a fist full of change.
She went down hard, but quickly bounced back up laughing.
I smacked her again - same deal. I had to break out the REO Speedwagon.
"And I'm gonna keep on smashing you, cause it's the only thing I wanna do. I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on smashing you!"
It sounds repetitive, what with all the lyrics in my reports - but music is integral to being mentally sound.
I smashed her again, this time with a broken parking meter. Her nose collapsed into her skull. Tears streamed down her face, her yoga mat fell to the ground.
I picked up the mat and smothered her with it.
So you see, you can take yoga and be as flexible as you want to be - but even a contortionist can't defend against a well thought out lecture plan.
