Problems...

[Infantry87]

Yesterday I was doing my usual grocery shopping at Walmart and I hear a dude yell my name, so I turn around and nothing but the entire time I feel as though someone is following me. Later on, my step sister calls me and said my dad saw me at Walmart but didnt have the balls to walk up to me. I'm 26 and havent seen my dad since I was 13 when my mom found weed in my room and sent me for a weekend visit to his place, the entire time I was there he was doing coke with his friends preaching to me how bad drugs are. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here because I feel as though I'd like to see him but then again I wanna break his face. My entire life I've felt like something has been missing. I honestly dont know what I should do considering the fact that he hasnt wanted shit to do with me from a young age but when he finds out I've done something with myself and my country the past 6 yrs, all of a sudden he wants in my life.

 

[darkside06]

Yesterday I was doing my usual grocery shopping at Walmart and I hear a dude yell my name, so I turn around and nothing but the entire time I feel as though someone is following me. Later on, my step sister calls me and said my dad saw me at Walmart but didnt have the balls to walk up to me. I'm 26 and havent seen my dad since I was 13 when my mom found weed in my room and sent me for a weekend visit to his place, the entire time I was there he was doing coke with his friends preaching to me how bad drugs are. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here because I feel as though I'd like to see him but then again I wanna break his face. My entire life I've felt like something has been missing. I honestly dont know what I should do considering the fact that he hasnt wanted shit to do with me from a young age but when he finds out I've done something with myself and my country the past 6 yrs, all of a sudden he wants in my life.

maybe he just want's to see you. thats a rough situation to be in, but sometimes that foolish pride will get the better of you.

He may want to see you but not have the courage to contact you. you may be willing to see him but don't want to make the effort. someone has gotta break if it's gonna work, and just make the first contact.

hope it all works out man.

 

[Mt-momma]

I think you owe it to yourself to get to know him. You can't change the past, but possibly have some sort of relationship in the future. If you aren't comfortable with the direction it's going, you have the option to terminate contact for your own mental health. That's the beauty of being an adult and being able to make the decisions about who to add or subtract from your life and why. Good luck.

 

[darkside06]

I think you owe it to yourself to get to know him. You can't change the past, but possibly have some sort of relationship in the future. If you aren't comfortable with the direction it's going, you have the option to terminate contact for your own mental health. That's the beauty of being an adult and being able to make the decisions about who to add or subtract from your life and why. Good luck.

^Excellent advice!

 

[Smilee21]

I think you owe it to yourself to get to know him. You can't change the past, but possibly have some sort of relationship in the future. If you aren't comfortable with the direction it's going, you have the option to terminate contact for your own mental health. That's the beauty of being an adult and being able to make the decisions about who to add or subtract from your life and why. Good luck.

Very true Mt-momma
Awesome advice

 

[Sassytassie84]

Hey,

My mom walked out on my sister and I when I was only 8 months old, I did not see her again until I was 5 when she came to our door and said '"Hi, I am your mom". Besides freaking out because we thought our stepmom was our real mom..... my mom only came around 1 or 2 times a year because she was also a druggie. If we ever visited her it was really awkward because we would find paraphernalia around the house and smell weed constantly. I ended up moving to my mom's when I was 12 years old and her husband was a full blown alcoholic. It was really rough and when I turned 16, I moved out on my own. My mom's and my relationship was horrible, her and I would literally fist fight. After I had my son, my mom started coming around and she is awesome! If I had not given her that chance to rectify, I would still hate her, but instead now her and I have had an awesome relationship for the past 4 yrs. MT-Momma is right. If it doesn't work out, you can cut him out again, but at least you will know you tried. At least you know he wants to see you and prob feels guilty or he would not have been scared to talk to you.

Sorry for my horror story, it's not the whole story (I left out some other bad shit) but that pretty much sums it up so you know I can definitely relate! Good Luck!

 

[Infantry87]

Thanks guys. I'm gonna have to think about this but I'm a pretty forgiving person besides for my ex wife. I'll prolly go to lunch or something with him. Everybody makes mistakes but I've always told myself I'm gonna be a better dad than he was

 

[Bullseye Forever]

I think you owe it to yourself to get to know him. You can't change the past, but possibly have some sort of relationship in the future. If you aren't comfortable with the direction it's going, you have the option to terminate contact for your own mental health. That's the beauty of being an adult and being able to make the decisions about who to add or subtract from your life and why. Good luck.

I agree with Mt-momma,you are an adult now,it wouldnt hurt to at least make an effort and see how it goes,it may go well and it may not,but if you dont make an effort you may regret it

My dad just passed away a couple of weeks ago....but we were together all the time and talked all the time,sure we had our fights etc,but even when he was dying,i told him everyday,i was there,i loved him and we would always be together,and i know now that in 5,10,20 years im at peace with my self cause i got to talk and tell my father what i wanted to before he died,so he knew

Just think about it brother,it might be a good thing

 

[Infantry87]

I agree with Mt-momma,you are an adult now,it wouldnt hurt to at least make an effort and see how it goes,it may go well and it may not,but if you dont make an effort you may regret it

My dad just passed away a couple of weeks ago....but we were together all the time and talked all the time,sure we had our fights etc,but even when he was dying,i told him everyday,i was there,i loved him and we would always be together,and i know now that in 5,10,20 years im at peace with my self cause i got to talk and tell my father what i wanted to before he died,so he knew

Just think about it brother,it might be a good thing

Honestly, I didnt look at it like that. I wouldnt be able to have peace if he died and I didnt at least try. Thanks man

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Honestly, I didnt look at it like that. I wouldnt be able to have peace if he died and I didnt at least try. Thanks man

your welcome brother,and i kow from your first post that it was a horrible past for you,but the past is the past ya know,and he may have changed,you wont know until you try,if you try and it goes well,thats awesome,but if it dont,you know then that you done your best

cause brother when he's gone,he's gone,and ive never felt anything like this in my life,its torn my heart into pieces and i would hate to see you go through the same thing without at least giving it a shot...my prayers are with ya brother,and if you wanna talk about it more,just let me know

 

[Infantry87]

Thanks bullseye. I remember your thread on it and posting for you hope all is well with that brother

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Thanks bullseye. I remember your thread on it and posting for you hope all is well with that brother

thank you my friend so much,its a long road now,i havet to deal with it day by day,thats the only way i can deal with it

 

[Infantry87]

thank you my friend so much,its a long road now,i havet to deal with it day by day,thats the only way i can deal with it

One day at a time bro. I still deal with memories and what ifs from friends lost in iraq and afghanistan but they were brothers to me but I couldnt imagine a father. Keep your head up because your a stronger man than me

 

[Teutonic]

Find him

Fix him

Cherish him

 

[Bullseye Forever]

One day at a time bro. I still deal with memories and what ifs from friends lost in iraq and afghanistan but they were brothers to me but I couldnt imagine a father. Keep your head up because your a stronger man than me

I cannot imagine losing friends like that,death to anyone close is bad

Find him

Fix him

Cherish him

well said brother

 

[alexus hensicus]

Agree with a lot of what you all said. Be the better man, cause if you stay bitter, its just wasting time you could be spending together.

 

[Georgia]

Sounds like everyone is having dad problems these days. Bullseye lost his father, Jr. vs. Sr. all over T.V. (which I love to watch), and you too.

If there's one common thing I learned from a father-son relationship is...forget the past...be the bigger man because he will not be there forever and you nor he is perfect...people make mistakes and people have pride that get in the way of forgiving those mistakes.

I say reach out to him...ask him if he wants to go to lunch and talk to him about how he has been.

Maybe then next time y'all get together y'all can do a little fishing...talk about things y'all have been through and done...and finally heal and start over.

 

[b_saan]

I think you owe it to yourself to get to know him. You can't change the past, but possibly have some sort of relationship in the future. If you aren't comfortable with the direction it's going, you have the option to terminate contact for your own mental health. That's the beauty of being an adult and being able to make the decisions about who to add or subtract from your life and why. Good luck.

Maybe for you but not the least bit true for everybody. People always think that others need connections or at least to attempt to make connections with people just because they are related or have a past in order to find peace or fulfillment. Im telling you from experience that if he is comfortable with his current life and has no desire to reconnect then there is no reason to bring in any complication from his past to muddy up his future. It's not being bitter or forgiving/forgetting, no hate or any other emotive reason, it's just that there is no reason that someone should be talked into trying to connect with someone that they don't know or have any desire to know if they are already comfortable with their situation. A person can be emotionally fulfilled without having connections to people that everyone else thinks that they should.

 

[Georgia]

So you're saying he shouldn't give it a chance? He should let his father die off without ever really giving it a chance to know him?

Maybe he should maybe he shouldn't.

I think I would try to just go to lunch and talk. Nothing to lose.

 

[Infantry87]

So you're saying he shouldn't give it a chance? He should let his father die off without ever really giving it a chance to know him?

Maybe he should maybe he shouldn't.

I think I would try to just go to lunch and talk. Nothing to lose.

I'll give him a shot with lunch. At least I know I gave it a running chance