I smelled him before I saw him. Actually, he smelled so bad I could almost taste the stench he was giving off. If reading this comment disgusts you, then imagine how I felt. My gym is a large and busy affair, so locating the offender was no easy task. I don't know why I had to figure out who it was that smelled so bad he could knock a buzzard off a gut pile, but it is just part of my nature to want to put a face to someone who repulses me so.
I was instantly able to disregard half the occupants of the gym as the guilty party because no woman could ever smell like this. I saw one guy who looked rather sweaty using a hamstring curl machine and walked past, only to realize it wasn't him. Then I heard the offender; it sounded like he was giving birth to a Volkswagen. Making so much noise was his second strike.
He was using the lat pulldown machine. If this had been a cartoon, then stink lines would have been coming off his body. But since it was real life, I sauntered by and got my confirmation. The guy in the skimpy blue tank top was definitely the fragrant transgressor. Tank top? Hmm. Not really a strike, but certainly tacky.
The guy was bigger than me, but I thought his technique sucked. Crappy lifting technique isn't a strike in the rules of gym etiquette, but screaming like someone is circumcising you with an epileptic wolverine on every rep is just plain annoying. I almost felt tempted to commit a gym etiquette no-no myself and offer unsolicited advice on his abysmal lifting practices. Lat pulldowns are best done with the upper body remaining stationary, not rocking back and forth like a guy in a padded cell wearing a huggy jacket.
Then he got up and walked away from the machine without wiping it down. I looked at the ectoplasmic residue left behind with contempt, reminded of a scene from Ghostbusters. Strike three, buddy. You just failed Gym Etiquette 101.
Actually, the way this guy smelled was worth three strikes all on its own. I can handle a lot of ignorance in terms of proper gym-going behavior, but stinking up the joint is hard to tolerate. I wanted to go up and give him the business, but I'm too chicken for that..
