Pour out a bit of your 40...

[stevenmd]

Where to begin... long story short, about a year ago my wife and I separated after 5 years of marriage. I have spent the last year bettering myself as a man. I have not been out there dating or living the wild life. I have always held out a little bastion of hope that my wife and I would reconcile. After many hours of lengthy conversations this week with my wife, I have now come to realize that my marriage is beyond repair. As a man, I need love and respect. I am no longer willing to pay for the issues of someone's childhood or the mistakes of the men who came before me. Especially with a woman who is unwilling to take the necessary medication properly and consistently, along with the proper counseling.

So I have come to the conclusion that I will be filing the divorce papers in the next month or so. It's time to let go and move forward with my life. I've cried enough tears. I'm done hurting. It's time for me to enjoy life again.

Thanks for listening.

 

[3J]

its very tough to move on.. i was with a girl for 13 years.. the hardest thing i ever did was move on from her..

but i found someone else.. im completely in love with her.. and engaged to get married.. there is a life after this mess that your in i promise.. you just have to take the steps towards it.. good for you my man.. make shit happen.. better yourself.. find the woman who deserves you!!!

 

[DavidJ21]

It's time for me to enjoy life again.

Enjoy it man.

Sounds like you gave it your best, but marriage is 50/50, if she's not willing give it her all as you did, it's just not gonna work.

Sorry to hear though man. I would pour out some for you, but I don't drink anymore, affects my gains.

 

[stevenmd]

Thanks, man! I'm almost done with my first cycle at age 42 and I'm pretty happy going from 209# to 225# (was 230# until I stopped the Dbol). I'm going to use your services pretty soon to make my body a wonderful gift to give to someone new.

 

[Smilee21]

It isn't easy... We always want to try to make things work. I was with my son's father for 11 yrs. Our relationship was broken, very toxic, very unhealthy, but for some reason we both never pulled away, until one day I said I just cannot do this anymore, the mental, emotional, and physical abuse was too much for one to handle and I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy...and as a result we fought all the time and it wouldn't be behind closed doors, there was no more respect (it left in 2003) and i was wounded. My ex Didn't care that my son (3yrs old at the time) would be in the room when he would get all manic depressive on me and blow up, punching holes in walls, throwing things, spitting in my face, shaking me, etc... My son would be crying and saying "leave my mommy alone"... At the age of 3

I couldn't take it anymore, it was so bad that I had packed a suitcase (for my son and I) ready to leave him permentantly. I loved him (twisted as it was) but only bc he is the father of my son. He likes the control, the power I gave him, and he took advantage of it, his drug habit (medicinal marijuana) became so bad that by my payday he would wipe out my entire checking account in 2 days time. I had no money to feed my son with bc he chose to smoke it all away.

Long story short, I am better off (my son and I) are better off not being in that type of situation any longer, if I had not walked away from him (I probably would not live to be 35yrs old) the threats, the lies, the mind games... Were too much and I was scared for my life.

It took me 2 years to heal from all that I have gone through, I am still not 100% but each day I become stronger. I have shed more tears trying to make something broken work and it always turned out that I was willing to work on us but he didn't see that he also needed work.

I myself have been working on me, from the inside out, BC I want to show ppl I am healed and share my love with another. I believe I am a very beautiful person from the inside out and I will not let this bad relationship I was in define me as a person. I am a strong independent woman who wants more in life for my son and I. We all deserve happiness, Love, and a healthy loving relationship with someone.

I think you are a beautiful person Stevenmd, from the inside out, I know that I would love to find someone like you You are very special and one day you will find that special someone that loves you 100% for you and will show you the love you deserve. That one person that will tell you day in and day out you are The Love of their life, and will show it to you every single day, relationships are not always perfect but when you find the right girl I bet it can be pretty f***ing awesome. I'd be happy to be with someone like you, (I dont come across too many individuals that I am totally comfortable with and have a lot in common with), it's BC of what I see on the inside exuding outwards. I have so much love and respect for you.

Live, Laugh, and Love always...

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Steven I wish you the best brother,i somewhat know what you are going through,it happened to me for 18 years,i never could do enough,not ever make enough money,wasnt aloud to spend money on my own,which didnt happen,and i tried evrything i poosibly could,but all she was about was money,so i finally got tired of it and one day she just up and left with my kids and took me to court several times and cost me thousands of dollars,this has been 6 years ago,and i just despise her,back when my daughter was younger she wouldnt let her see me,one year i seen my daughter 2 times all year,but now that she is 18 she is coming to see me more,but one day my ex is gonna get whats coming to her,and shes gonna regret the day she ever met me,all of her family is money hungry,i missed one month,now one month of paying my half of my kids insurance cause i was in the hospital recovering from surgery,and i got served with court papers in the damn hospital,her lawyer called my hospital room and threaten me and told me to pay then or i would go to jail,now this is over 125 bucks

i had the phone on speaker,so i just told him that one day i would see him in public not in a court room,as a civilian,and then we would see who would pay,then he called me a sorry sob and said i will put you in jail over 125 dollars,so ii said well go ahead,but im going to get my 125 dollars worth on you,cause you aint God,you are human and you cant be protected 24/7...he said is that a threat and i said nope,a promise.....i know its wrong for me to say this,but i could care less what happens to her,to me shes just a person with no heart,and the story gets worse,but you get the idea,but after all it was a blessing it happened,cause im happier now than ive ever been in my life

Steven just enjoy your life and have fun,you deserve it my brother!!!!!! just keep your head up and i promise things will get better

 

[stevenmd]

Thanks for your support everyone! With all the crap that has happened - and I have been through so much emotional abuse from her over the last 5 years - the one thing that put me over the top - and this is going to sound really shallow - was her eating disorder. I have been putting a lot of hard work into my body, eating correctly, doing a cycle, working hard in the gym, etc. She has done countless cycles on Winni/Clen/T3 and has taken Phen Phen and other diet pills since she was 14 and she is now almost 40. She works hard in the gym but not in the right way, refuses to change her workout routines because some big-ass woman bodybuilder told her how to train. She doesn't eat properly so all this work she is doing is, well, counter-productive. So the thing that really got to me was this REALLY HOT woman gave me a hug the other day and her in-shape body felt so good in my arms. During my serious discussions with my wife, she had her back to me and at that moment I just realized, dang, she is not a small woman. Her size never really occurred to me before then because I believed that you love a person for who they are, especially once you are married. But thinking back to all the emotional abuse and the current unresolvable situations coupled with me suddenly noticing how large she is... well, at that moment I realized I could put up a fat unhealthy person who will most likely continue to emotionally abuse me or I have the opportunity to meet a wonderful beautiful woman who lives the same healthy lifestyle as I do.
She came over tonight to pick up the kids after she got off work and since it was Valentine's Day, she started rubbing my back thinking I would give in and she would get some. The thought of being with her literally made me sick to my stomach.
BAM! Done! Letting go, moving on! This cycle could not be happening at a better time in my life!

 

[dankone85]

I know exactly how you feel. My ex told me during my second tour in Iraq that she wanted a divorce. It was the hardest thing I have ever really had to go through emotionally. Every relationship has it's up's and downs, but I did not see it coming what so ever and it felt like a truck hit me. I never really thought something could hurt that bad, but it did. We were married for four years, she actually told me the week before our anniversary, all in all it was a totally fucked situation.

When I got back from that deployment, I went to see her. Ever since then we have been playing this whole game of not being together, but we hang out all the time and still sleep with each other. Some days it really bothers me because I feel like we are going nowhere, and other days I am totally fine with not going anywhere. I don't know what to do because I still love the girl. And her and I both agree that neither of us is strong enough to stop it, hell I live less than a mile away from her.

I guess I just want to know that we are working towards something. Every time we talk about it we never really get to that point. Crazy huh? Sorry for hijacking your thread, I apologize, but once I get going I have to make myself stop before I have written a paper lol

 

[stevenmd]

I know exactly how you feel. My ex told me during my second tour in Iraq that she wanted a divorce. It was the hardest thing I have ever really had to go through emotionally. Every relationship has it's up's and downs, but I did not see it coming what so ever and it felt like a truck hit me. I never really thought something could hurt that bad, but it did. We were married for four years, she actually told me the week before our anniversary, all in all it was a totally fucked situation.

When I got back from that deployment, I went to see her. Ever since then we have been playing this whole game of not being together, but we hang out all the time and still sleep with each other. Some days it really bothers me because I feel like we are going nowhere, and other days I am totally fine with not going anywhere. I don't know what to do because I still love the girl. And her and I both agree that neither of us is strong enough to stop it, hell I live less than a mile away from her.

I guess I just want to know that we are working towards something. Every time we talk about it we never really get to that point. Crazy huh? Sorry for hijacking your thread, I apologize, but once I get going I have to make myself stop before I have written a paper lol

Ha! Your situation sounds very familiar brother! She and I have hooked up occasionally and I've been fine with it not going anywhere and I've not been fine with it not going anywhere. Caught in a circle!

How many years you in? My dad was full time National Guard for 41-1/2 years, spent the last 5 years on active duty until he retired at age 61. Then he went on to be a pancreatic cancer survivor. I never went in but now regret I didn't.

 

[Zero V]

That is rough man. That is my biggest fear about committing to a girl...

I hope things go well for you ,your a smart man, and dedicated. Things will come around in your favor in time.

I know I can dedicate myself 100% to a girl to stay with her through the hard times and the easy times....I just do not trust a girl to do that for me.

All of you old timers(no offense) and your horror stories are why at the end of the day, when I am talking to a girl...out of nowhere, my emotions cut and I wont talk to them for awhile and then mold it into a friendship....

 

[Smilee21]

That is rough man. That is my biggest fear about committing to a girl...

I know I can dedicate myself 100% to a girl to stay with her through the hard times and the easy times....I just do not trust a girl to do that for me.

All of you old timers(no offense) and your horror stories are why at the end of the day, when I am talking to a girl...out of nowhere, my emotions cut and I wont talk to them for awhile and then mold it into a friendship....

Terrifies me...But the main reason it terrifies me is because I know if I ever came home to a cheating wife, or she did me dirty like that...I am the kind of guy that will just pull out the .45 and pull out my list of wicked individuals I always wanted to tag...and start with the cheating one.

I remain single bc I Do not Trust another... Building friendships are better, I am content with how my life is without having the stress or drama of a relationship to go array... I detach emotionally and am just friends. At the end of the day I can only Trust myself an my choices I decide to make, I will never have control of another and their actions.

 

[Zero V]

I remain single bc I Do not Trust another... Building friendships are better, I am content with how my life is without having the stress or drama of a relationship to go array... I detach emotionally and am just friends. At the end of the day I can only Trust myself an my choices I decide to make, I will never have control of another and their actions.

My ex blew my ability to trust apart...

Due to some of her actions it warped me (She would lie or stretch truths to cover things up, and too many things were shady). It began to make me into a controlling person a little bit, and I became jealous, frustrated. Essentially it made me into someone I hated. Now as an older more mature person.. I never want to let myself get like that again. But the distrust still exists...That being said there are about 5 people in my life I trust wholeheartedly. Friends that care more for me than I do about myself.

Stevenmd, I hope you run into the woman of your dreams you never knew you dreamed of brother. Someone that is going to blow your mind away, and sooth the burn of the past, and gives you a refreshed feeling like you were submerged in crystal cool water that flows right through you removing all the excess burden on the heart.

 

[stevenmd]

Stevenmd, I hope you run into the woman of your dreams you never knew you dreamed of brother. Someone that is going to blow your mind away, and sooth the burn of the past, and gives you a refreshed feeling like you were submerged in crystal cool water that flows right through you removing all the excess burden on the heart.

I need to file papers soon so I can move on with my life. I have never experienced anxiety in my life, ever, but whenever the X and I have talked about reconciliation or taken steps towards reconciliation, I feel a great deal of anxiety. I'm learning to trust my gut.

I started "seeing" this one woman for a bit, not really dating but a lot of talking. I liked what she had to say but her behavior just didn't match up to her words. I stopped talking to her recently but she keeps popping back in. I finally put my foot down and told her to stay the fuck out of my life until her behavior matched her words.

So, yeah, it'd be nice to meet someone who is emotionally available for a relationship and has their baggage already checked because I am damn tired of paying for the mistakes of the men in a woman's past. Everybody has some baggage but please limit it to carry-on only!