Problems...

[crazyfmike]

My dad is a POS. To see his home and just see his asshole you'd think he's Mr Perfect. Wife and kid beating old prick! Here is the deal: I went ahead and tried to form a relationship with him. At least I can honesty say I tried. At least give it a shot or else you sell yourself out and you'll never know.

Grab those big balls stud and give it go!

 

[b_saan]

So you're saying he shouldn't give it a chance? He should let his father die off without ever really giving it a chance to know him?

Maybe he should maybe he shouldn't.

I think I would try to just go to lunch and talk. Nothing to lose.

Not completely no (and I was going to post a bit more on the other side also but I had to get my daughter to sleep ), I was mainly saying that I hate it when other people try to convince people that they need to give people from their past a chance to somehow make their life more complete. If he is emotional centered and fulfilled now then I don't see any reason to admit an unstablising influence back into it.

On the other hand if he feels like it would add a benefit to his life then by all means give it a shot and I hope it works out, just don't pressure him into as then it wouldn't be for the right reasons nor would I see it working out anyway.

Edit: I see Infantry plans to go ahead and give it a shot, hope it works out well for you. I say this from experience, go in without any preconceptions and treat it like youre meeting him for the 1st time and it might work out. But if it seems like it's a one way street that ends in a dead end alley, don't waste your energy on it or destabilise your current situation.

 

[stevenmd]

Sometimes people change, sometimes they don't. Whatever you do, don't live life with any "what ifs". What that means to you, only you know. Good luck, brother!

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Sometimes people change, sometimes they don't. Whatever you do, don't live life with any "what ifs". What that means to you, only you know. Good luck, brother!

Well said steve!!!

 

[Mt-momma]

Maybe for you but not the least bit true for everybody. People always think that others need connections or at least to attempt to make connections with people just because they are related or have a past in order to find peace or fulfillment. Im telling you from experience that if he is comfortable with his current life and has no desire to reconnect then there is no reason to bring in any complication from his past to muddy up his future. It's not being bitter or forgiving/forgetting, no hate or any other emotive reason, it's just that there is no reason that someone should be talked into trying to connect with someone that they don't know or have any desire to know if they are already comfortable with their situation. A person can be emotionally fulfilled without having connections to people that everyone else thinks that they should.

I'm seriously beginning to think you have some sort of online dislike toward me for reasons I can't figure out.

My response came from the concept of "no regret", not, he *should* have a relationship because the guy is his father. Looking at bullseye's experience, it could affect Infantry if he didn't at least accept an opportunity and then something tragic happened. We can -what if- forever, but sometimes it's fine to allow doors to open and leave the opportunity to close them. Again, that's the nice thing about adulthood.

B-Sorry if I've somehow wronged you in another thread that I'm totally unaware of.

 

[Zeek]

MT, you are on the the nicest people on this site! I'm sure he has no issues with you personally.

b_saan will just analyze something pretty deep is all

 

[b_saan]

I'm seriously beginning to think you have some sort of online dislike toward me for reasons I can't figure out.

My response came from the concept of "no regret", not, he *should* have a relationship because the guy is his father. Looking at bullseye's experience, it could affect Infantry if he didn't at least accept an opportunity and then something tragic happened. We can -what if- forever, but sometimes it's fine to allow doors to open and leave the opportunity to close them. Again, that's the nice thing about adulthood.

B-Sorry if I've somehow wronged you in another thread that I'm totally unaware of.

Not at all sorry about coming off like that, I probably should have quoted any of the other responses instead of yours (I'll stop picking on your posts I promise!). My intention was to just share my counter viewpoint on the issue. The topic itself was what got me going and I do feel strongly about it, but then again I've been told I have "opinions" about just about everything... and probably share them too often and too forcefully.

 

[Mt-momma]

Not at all sorry about coming off like that, I probably should have quoted any of the other responses instead of yours (I'll stop picking on your posts I promise!). My intention was to just share my counter viewpoint on the issue. The topic itself was what got me going and I do feel strongly about it, but then again I've been told I have "opinions" about just about everything... and probably share them too often and too forcefully.

It's ok . After I got my ass handed to me by you about the Lorax movie, I figured I must have pissed you off somewhere. Oh, and the movie wasn't that great. I didn't see any overtly socialist persuations in there, by the way, but I'd suggest skipping it. My husband and I hadn't been to a movie since before our nearly 5 year old was born. I was hoping for a more fun experience....oh well.

Infantry- I hope you have a positive experience with your dad should you choose to meet up.

 

[gorilla_boy]

Infantry, have you ever fucked up?

Dads are human too.

 

[b_saan]

It's ok . After I got my ass handed to me by you about the Lorax movie, I figured I must have pissed you off somewhere. Oh, and the movie wasn't that great. I didn't see any overtly socialist persuations in there, by the way, but I'd suggest skipping it. My husband and I hadn't been to a movie since before our nearly 5 year old was born. I was hoping for a more fun experience....oh well.

Hah well I didn't actually quote you on that post but after researching the movie and also seeing the commercials it just seems like it's pushing to much of an anti-capitalist enviro-first agenda for me to bring my daughter to. I already have to selectively edit the book when I read it to her, oh and don't get me started on the last part of that stupid Cat in the Hat: If I Ran the Rainforest book... ye gads!

Infantry, have you ever fucked up?

Dads are human too.

Now this is the kind of post that I was talking about that pisses me off, you're trying guilt him into making a decision? Yes I'm sure he has and so have all of us and most of us have paid the consequences of those mistakes. And in this case that consequence may be lack of contact or it may not but that's his decision.

Anyway it's an academic discussion of a moot point now as he has already made his decision.

 

[Muggman]

^Excellent advice!

I agree completely. I lost my dad on my 19th bday. I always wonder if he knows how much i loved him, still now. We fortunately had a great relationship, but he was 54 when I was born, so time was not on our side. It was the worst thing ever bro. I think pursuing a relationship w your dad is a great idea. I gave the same advice to my best friend maybe 10 yrs ago or something. He would fight me constantly on it, until one day, his dad made contac w him somewhat like your dad did. They have a normal relationship now and let the past die w the past. Give it a go brother.

 

[gorilla_boy]

<snip>

Now this is the kind of post that I was talking about that pisses me off, you're trying guilt him into making a decision? Yes I'm sure he has and so have all of us and most of us have paid the consequences of those mistakes. And in this case that consequence may be lack of contact or it may not but that's his decision.

It's not an attempt at making him feel guilty. Merely trying to humanize someone...

 

[Sassytassie84]

GB-I understand where you are coming from... BUT it is a mute point due to the fact everyone fucks up. Sometimes it is not forgivable, sometimes it is... It all depends on Infantry's capacity to forgive and a combination of what his dad has done.

For Example- Lets just go with 2 completely different ends of the spectrum.

A.) A child is brutally murdered and the mother of the child can forgive the killer and will even go to the prison for visiting and to read the bible with him!!!

B.) A friend of 10 years borrows a 1000.00 from Tom and disappears for a year. Tom will not forgive this guy, even after apology after apology from the friend!

Sometimes the human heart is capable of forgiving the worst things that could ever happen but others cannot forgive the simplest of things.

Could I forgive someone who brutally murdered my son... HELL NO! But some people can.

Could I forgive someone for taking me for a thousand bucks... Yes, Definitely.

It all depends on the mixture of the heart, past experiences, current experiences and a person's capability of forgiveness, letting go and moving on. Plus what it is that his dad did, how it effected Infantry emotionally and how his dad pleads his case and if he has really changed.

Did this post make sense to anyone? Sometimes I just type as I think and although I understand what I am saying, no one else does. lol