Relationships and greener grass.

[Sassytassie84]

When I took my ex to court to establish 50/50 parental and legal custody... I didn't go after him for child support. (He was going to school and I was providing for our family- so he wasn't working) when we split up he still wasn't working. But I figured as long as he took care of my son 50/50 with me everything would be ok. Well in Sept 2011 he started working for Kaiser and gets paid $25 a hour... I assumed as being the father he would start providing for our son financially. However that is not happening and I have had my son 95/5 due to my ex's work schedule. I live in a 3 bedroom house, just my son and I. I work hard to provide for my son and feel it's unfair to do it all by myself when it took 2 of us to make him. My ex is bi-polar and I cannot approach him in any way without him getting angry and accousing me of things. So I think I need to take him to court to establish child support.

I can take care of my son now... no problem but I am just looking into the future, if we don't set terms down now my ex will think it's ok to not provide for my son years down the road. Medical, dental, vision, child care, after school activities etc... are not cheap and will definitely get more expensive the older he gets.

I wish my ex would step up... and be the responsible father I know he can be... Without me having to get the courts involved to make him pay.

I feel you on this! I have my son 100% of the time and he pays absolutely nothing. I have given him 10 months to step up and be a father, I call him to see if he wants to see his son regardless. I hate taking time off of work to go to court for my ex to not have his shit together and the judge extends it for another month. I hate the court systems. I wish my ex would just step up and either take him 50% so I can not worry about child support/daycare costs but he refuses. But then he also refuses to pay what he is supposed to pay. Last time we were in court he had gotten denied from Unemployment due to voluntarily quitting his job! He knows he has a little guy to take care of but he is so damn selfish. Regardless, I still want my son to have a father and I do not want to be blamed later for taking that away from him over child support. My son will come to see on all his own what a douche is dad is. It is really sad for me to see my son as the next fatherless child. Makes me sick. I never wanted that for him and never thought his dad would pull the disappearing act either.

 

[Sassytassie84]

LOL So back to the thread... Sometimes the grass is greener!!!!! It is up to you to define your needs and wants and if the person you are with is fitting the criteria you need for yourself. I have learned to be a little selfish when it comes to needs. Otherwise I am wasting my time and the man's time. Things that irritate me in the beginning will have a snowball effect if I don't address them promptly or move on if the person is not capable of being what I need.

On the other hand, I have come to realize no one is going to make the whole list of wants but I make sure that they make the list of needs. Does that make sense? I WANT a man to look like a Spartan, but is it necessary if they are fulfilling all my needs? No. I want a millionaire, lol (who doesn't) but is money a deal breaker? Absolutely Not, I don't judge on the car someone drives or the clothes they wear but is it a plus if they have... of course... I know how to take care of myself and in no way do I NEED a man to take care of me in any way other than emotionally.

So I guess my point is. I will negotiate wants. I will not negotiate with needs... or terrorists. haha had to throw that in...

 

[Smilee21]

I feel you on this! I have my son 100% of the time and he pays absolutely nothing. I have given him 10 months to step up and be a father, I call him to see if he wants to see his son regardless. I hate taking time off of work to go to court for my ex to not have his shit together and the judge extends it for another month. I hate the court systems. I wish my ex would just step up and either take him 50% so I can not worry about child support/daycare costs but he refuses. But then he also refuses to pay what he is supposed to pay. Last time we were in court he had gotten denied from Unemployment due to voluntarily quitting his job! He knows he has a little guy to take care of but he is so damn selfish. Regardless, I still want my son to have a father and I do not want to be blamed later for taking that away from him over child support. My son will come to see on all his own what a douche is dad is. It is really sad for me to see my son as the next fatherless child. Makes me sick. I never wanted that for him and never thought his dad would pull the disappearing act either.

I feel you... Mine chose his gf (the chick he cheated on me with) and her kids over his own. He moved to another town and maybe sees him 2 weekends a month... if my son is lucky. It effects my son more than anything. The biggest problem I have is how when my ex wants to see my son, he calls that day while I am at work and says I am coming to get him. I cannot ever make any types of plans for my son and I on weekends bc I don't know if I will have him or not. I could put my foot down and say no... but my son would not get to spend the quality time with his father that he needs. So I feel like I am a rock stuck in a hard place that I cannot get myself out of.

 

[Smilee21]

LOL So back to the thread... Sometimes the grass is greener!!!!! It is up to you to define your needs and wants and if the person you are with is fitting the criteria you need for yourself. I have learned to be a little selfish when it comes to needs. Otherwise I am wasting my time and the man's time. Things that irritate me in the beginning will have a snowball effect if I don't address them promptly or move on if the person is not capable of being what I need.

On the other hand, I have come to realize no one is going to make the whole list of wants but I make sure that they make the list of needs. Does that make sense? I WANT a man to look like a Spartan, but is it necessary if they are fulfilling all my needs? No. I want a millionaire, lol (who doesn't) but is money a deal breaker? Absolutely Not, I don't judge on the car someone drives or the clothes they wear but is it a plus if they have... of course... I know how to take care of myself and in no way do I NEED a man to take care of me in any way other than emotionally.

So I guess my point is. I will negotiate wants. I will not negotiate with needs... or terrorists. haha had to throw that in...

You are funny Sassy...

 

[stevenmd]

In California the inability to pay or the neglect to pay has nothing to do with visitation/custody for the very point that it is not fair to punish the child for the war between the parents.

I got really lucky with my first X. I agreed to pay her child support in the child custody agreement but in the divorce agreement she unknowingly agreed to pay for half the health insurance premium for the kids. Turns out they now cancel each other as far as costs go! But I always pay for half of everything for my kids - school clothes, school trips, lunches, and basically anything and everything.

 

[Smilee21]

I just want him to step up and take responsibility for his actions. He tries to give me these stories about how he isn't doing well bc he misses his son so much... Blah blah blah, I don't fall for it, he drives from Turlock to Manteca every single day to go to work, he passes our town to and from and he can see our son any time he wants... But bc he doesn't want to make his gf upset he stays away. He lives 15 miles away and see's my son 2 times a month ;(

When my son is sick I am the one paying for all medical insurance , doctors bills, medicines, surgeries... One year alone over 20k I paid and he didn't offer 1 cent.

I wish he would grow up and see how much I do for our son...and help out

 

[Teutonic]

He s a piece of crap ma am. The boy will not forget....women are the stronger sex...whatever it takes you all alway s pull it off for the kids....my respect to you lady.

 

[Smilee21]

He s a piece of crap ma am. The boy will not forget....women are the stronger sex...whatever it takes you all alway s pull it off for the kids....my respect to you lady.

Thank you... I scarafice a lot for my family (my son and I)

It's probably why I choose to be single right now. I haven't found Anyone that I feel can complete me and be a part of our family in that special way. For now I rather just have friends (except-I am breaking my vow and calling up my FB) lol
I'm human and have needs I want taken care of

 

[Teutonic]

Good..it s normal...I m just glad my gf is always as ready to go as this testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) redneck !!!