Relationships and greener grass.

[dialtone]

It seems that a good thing is only good for a short time. Nothing has to change but your perceptions of "good" change. Why is it that we seem to always think that whatever we don't have is better than what we currently have?

There is a fine line between being aware of something going bad and simply feeling that everything else is better. How do you know it's a case of the grass is greener or that your relationship is actually bad?

Everyone has priorities, and they are usually listed in their heads. Is the person you are with falling short on your list of priorities or have your preferences changed? There is, of course, the possibility that you as a person can never be satisfied...always on to the next best thing. How do you learn to stop looking for the next best thing and being satisfied with what you have?

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Well i was married for 18 years before,i worked 2 jobs and gave all i had to make it work,it did for a few years,had 2 children,perfect job etc......thought i had everything,until she wanted more,more,more and i couldnt do enough even 2 jobs wasnt enough,so as the years went by it got worse cause i was never at home,working for her and my kids,she was complaining about that as well,so i was fucked either way,so in essence she walked out on me,left me with all the bills and took my kids away,took me to court took nearly everything i had,my kids included,wouldnt let them have anything to do with me,and to this day my daughter which is 18 still wont come unless its christmas,i seen her 2 times last year if that says anything,ive been to court several times for not paying my ex the kids insurance

I didnt cause i wasnt getting to see my kids,i mean who wouldnt you know,but after being threatened to be putting in jail countless times,i had to pay,all the negative sayings from her side of the family has taking a toll on me,i want revenge but i know thats not the way it should be,but it hurts

all that being said,4 years ago i met the woman who changed my life,and all the bad went away,i started to forgive myself and like myself again,i havent got there 100% yet,but shes the reason im getting there,i will never,ever,take my life now for granted cause i know ive met the person who loves and cares for me for who i am,no we dont have much,but having each other and our lives mean more to me than any material things you could have!!

 

[Georgia]

Dr. Dialtone strikes again. Good post man. Deep as hell.

And Bullseye. Thanks for sharing that bro. That's messed up the way life throws you a curve ball sometimes. But you hung with it. Sorry you had to go through that mess.

 

[hard2gain]

Wow dialtone I had to read that four times because I'm so impressed. The part that really got to me was "never being satisfied" because this is how I live my life. I feel like no matter how good my body looks, no matter how high up I make it at work, and no matter how much money/assets I have I should always be pushing myself to be better.

Now this has worked out great for me in every aspect of life other than relationships. My never be satisfied attitude pushes women away. It's not that I'm not satisfied being with them it's the fact that I'm always pushing for it to be better and for them to better themselves as I do. Women are sensitive creatures and take this as criticism and it breaks them down. Not my intentions at all I just want to be with a person that is always trying to improve themselves as I do. Ambition and self motivation is a huge attraction for me. Which apparently is rare these day.

So here is where I question if I am wrong or if I should just be looking for that "one" that understands me in this aspect. Should I be trying to change my ways and outlook on relationships? If this is truly how I feel and think am I able to change these ways?

 

[Mrs P]

It seems that a good thing is only good for a short time. Nothing has to change but your perceptions of "good" change. Why is it that we seem to always think that whatever we don't have is better than what we currently have?

There is a fine line between being aware of something going bad and simply feeling that everything else is better. How do you know it's a case of the grass is greener or that your relationship is actually bad?
Everyone has priorities, and they are usually listed in their heads. Is the person you are with falling short on your list of priorities or have your preferences changed? There is, of course, the possibility that you as a person can never be satisfied...always on to the next best thing. How do you learn to stop looking for the next best thing and being satisfied with what you have?

A healthy relationship takes work, & lots of it... I think when things get tough, & the relationship is weak, the grass might look greener for some..
But, if u instead focus on making your relationship better & not allow challenges to divide and destroy your relationship, & find ways to overcome the difficulties... you can have a great relationship.

I see many couples that the husband/wife leave each other for "someone better" only to realize later that they weren't "better" than what they had..
Of course there are some bad relationships & people that simply don't work well together.

in conclusion I believe that................
If you want greener grass,then try watering the lawn ..lol

 

[Georgia]

"If you want greener grass, then try watering the lawn"

lol. Nice Mrs. P.

You gave a great perspective. I mean a lot of times it's simply that...it's not always peaches and cream and sometimes it's YOU that needs changing to make the relationship work. Sometimes you both ARE meant for each other just hit a rough patch and immaturity can say 'Hey let's try to find something "BETTER"' when in case it just needs a little elbow grease.

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Dr. Dialtone strikes again. Good post man. Deep as hell.

And Bullseye. Thanks for sharing that bro. That's messed up the way life throws you a curve ball sometimes. But you hung with it. Sorry you had to go through that mess.

thanks brother,yea i just had to let it out,i wish i hadnt wasted 18 years of my life,my kids were the only good thing i got in all those years,which is wonderful,.....i know you are not supposed to be mean,but my ex's day is coming....as the Bible says"Vengence is mine,saying the Lord" so he will take care of her

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Wow dialtone I had to read that four times because I'm so impressed. The part that really got to me was "never being satisfied" because this is how I live my life. I feel like no matter how good my body looks, no matter how high up I make it at work, and no matter how much money/assets I have I should always be pushing myself to be better.

Now this has worked out great for me in every aspect of life other than relationships. My never be satisfied attitude pushes women away. It's not that I'm not satisfied being with them it's the fact that I'm always pushing for it to be better and for them to better themselves as I do. Women are sensitive creatures and take this as criticism and it breaks them down. Not my intentions at all I just want to be with a person that is always trying to improve themselves as I do. Ambition and self motivation is a huge attraction for me. Which apparently is rare these day.

So here is where I question if I am wrong or if I should just be looking for that "one" that understands me in this aspect. Should I be trying to change my ways and outlook on relationships? If this is truly how I feel and think am I able to change these ways?

brother i totally agree!!!! I to suffer from thinking i dont look good enough for my wife,i just kill myself in the gym to try and be in the best shape in my life,she always to me that i do indeed look good,but i just tell her,thats she just saying that to make me feel better,and ive just got a complex,im gonna continue to be in the best shape if it kills me,im thinking im "Out to pasture" because of my age

 

[Mrs P]

"If you want greener grass, then try watering the lawn"

lol. Nice Mrs. P.

You gave a great perspective. I mean a lot of times it's simply that...it's not always peaches and cream and sometimes it's YOU that needs changing to make the relationship work. Sometimes you both ARE meant for each other just hit a rough patch and immaturity can say 'Hey let's try to find something "BETTER"' when in case it just needs a little elbow grease.

Thanks Geargia, of course finding the right person for u & being compatible makes all the difference..

Bullseye, it sucks u had to go through all that, I don't get why some women use their kids as shields.. just unfair for the kids..
Glad u found someone that makes u happy.

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Thanks Geargia, of course finding the right person for u & being compatible makes all the difference..

Bullseye, it sucks u had to go through all that, I don't get why some women use their kids as shields.. just unfair for the kids..
Glad u found someone that makes u happy.

thanks hon!! im so fortunate now,never in a million years did i think i would ever find Mrs.Bullseye and the kind of lady she is.....

Yea it has affected me big time about my kids,they are both grown,one 20 and the other 18,but still it hurts,i mean when she wont let my 18 year old daughter except 2 times a year,that sucks,plus her and all her family has said and still slanders my name in my home town,that to pisses me off,you cant imagine what she,her dad,brother,sister,mom has spreaded about me,i just would like to kill them all!!! but i know some day soon,they will ALL get theres....

 

[Spongy]

Wow dialtone I had to read that four times because I'm so impressed. The part that really got to me was "never being satisfied" because this is how I live my life. I feel like no matter how good my body looks, no matter how high up I make it at work, and no matter how much money/assets I have I should always be pushing myself to be better.

Now this has worked out great for me in every aspect of life other than relationships. My never be satisfied attitude pushes women away. It's not that I'm not satisfied being with them it's the fact that I'm always pushing for it to be better and for them to better themselves as I do. Women are sensitive creatures and take this as criticism and it breaks them down. Not my intentions at all I just want to be with a person that is always trying to improve themselves as I do. Ambition and self motivation is a huge attraction for me. Which apparently is rare these day.

So here is where I question if I am wrong or if I should just be looking for that "one" that understands me in this aspect. Should I be trying to change my ways and outlook on relationships? If this is truly how I feel and think am I able to change these ways?

The issue that I see, and you kind of mentioned it in your post, is that women tend to see "being pushed" as an indication that they're not good enough. This is a generalization of course, but i've seen it many times. I think it's great to push yourself bro, but if you really want to settle down you need to ask yourself if you're willing to be with a girl who is who she is. Some people are happy with where they are, and if you like who they are, then why not be happy with that as well?

 

[replica1]

Well i was married for 18 years before,i worked 2 jobs and gave all i had to make it work,it did for a few years,had 2 children,perfect job etc......thought i had everything,until she wanted more,more,more and i couldnt do enough even 2 jobs wasnt enough,so as the years went by it got worse cause i was never at home,working for her and my kids,she was complaining about that as well,so i was fucked either way,so in essence she walked out on me,left me with all the bills and took my kids away,took me to court took nearly everything i had,my kids included,wouldnt let them have anything to do with me,and to this day my daughter which is 18 still wont come unless its christmas,i seen her 2 times last year if that says anything,ive been to court several times for not paying my ex the kids insurance

I didnt cause i wasnt getting to see my kids,i mean who wouldnt you know,but after being threatened to be putting in jail countless times,i had to pay,all the negative sayings from her side of the family has taking a toll on me,i want revenge but i know thats not the way it should be,but it hurts

all that being said,4 years ago i met the woman who changed my life,and all the bad went away,i started to forgive myself and like myself again,i havent got there 100% yet,but shes the reason im getting there,i will never,ever,take my life now for granted cause i know ive met the person who loves and cares for me for who i am,no we dont have much,but having each other and our lives mean more to me than any material things you could have!!

Jesus sound like shes the devil himself

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Jesus sound like shes the devil himself

very much indeed,i would bet his number one sidekick

 

[MeatHead96]

Damn that post said it all for me. I'm in a relationship right now with the most perfect woman I could ever have. She is just amazing. The problem is I constantly am looking at other women and thinking what it would be like to hook up with them. My desire for sex is one thing that could really tear this relationship apart if I let it get out of hand. I would never cheat. That is one thing that I absolutley don't believe in. I have morals and a deep concern for others, especially those that I love. How do we get past this lust for other women? Especially when we're juiced up all the time. I know its normal for us men but mine is really bad.

 

[stevenmd]

Great thread, OP. As a survivor of two marriages, I can honestly say that you really do have to start out with good stock - not to compare a woman to cattle or anything! But you get the analogy. I spent years trying to love someone "enough" to make it work until I realized it really does take two - that's not a cliche!

My main problem is that I seem to attract these psychos, these women with TONS of issues. I call it "Therapy Dating" and I'm really trying hard not to get caught in the same trap. As a single dad in his 40's, it is really tough finding decent women. Most women my age seem to have all these chips on their shoulders from past relationships or their daddy. I'm sort of getting tired of paying for the mistakes of someone else in their past. I really enjoy dating younger women because they seem to much happier but at some point they just can't hold too deep of a conversation.

So for the time being, I'm just enjoying being a dad, tearing it up in the gym, and the occasional young women with daddy issues. Crap, I think I just fell back into that therapy dating cycle... Ugh, back to the drawing board.

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Great thread, OP. As a survivor of two marriages, I can honestly say that you really do have to start out with good stock - not to compare a woman to cattle or anything! But you get the analogy. I spent years trying to love someone "enough" to make it work until I realized it really does take two - that's not a cliche!

My main problem is that I seem to attract these psychos, these women with TONS of issues. I call it "Therapy Dating" and I'm really trying hard not to get caught in the same trap. As a single dad in his 40's, it is really tough finding decent women. Most women my age seem to have all these chips on their shoulders from past relationships or their daddy. I'm sort of getting tired of paying for the mistakes of someone else in their past. I really enjoy dating younger women because they seem to much happier but at some point they just can't hold too deep of a conversation.

So for the time being, I'm just enjoying being a dad, tearing it up in the gym, and the occasional young women with daddy issues. Crap, I think I just fell back into that therapy dating cycle... Ugh, back to the drawing board.

awesome post brother!!! it seems like all of us guys who are in our 40"s go through and experience the same excat things with women after a divorce or breakup,your situation sounds so much like mine

 

[stevenmd]

awesome post brother!!! it seems like all of us guys who are in our 40"s go through and experience the same excat things with women after a divorce or breakup,your situation sounds so much like mine

When I was younger I had game for days but it sort of subsided as a I got older or maybe I let it subside b/c I was married. These past few weeks have been really weird. I have been hit on a lot by women of all ages. I think it might have to do with getting some of my self-esteem or mojo back with this cycle. I think I'm putting out a different vibe now. I feel confident like I did when I was in my 30's. I think women can sense that confidence.

2012: the year of no longer being the nice guy Although I always say "Nice guys finish last because they let her finish first"

 

[Georgia]

 

[Smilee21]

From a younger woman's perspective on the situation also getting over a tough breakup, once you feel confident in ourself and work on finding that person you were before the toxic relationship broke you. People really can see a difference in you, the sexual vibes and energies can be felt by the ppl around you, you will get approached more than if you were insecure with yourself. You tend to carry yourself differently once that confidence comes back.

However, every single day is a struggle to stay away from those random ppl who approach me, wanting to chat and/or sometimes go a little futher, because I do not know what type of person they might really be. It's scary... The grass is never greener on the other side, certain things attract me to a woman and certain things attract me to a man, and as a single woman who is into both Sexes, dating does have it's perks. There isn't anything you need to commit to, you can do as you please with whomever you want, it's just about having fun, but there comes a time when the fun fades, The SEX might be awesome but can you stand being around them in a day to day scenario. That is the hard part, I have come to realize I NEED more Subtance. I get bored easily, I am very impulsive, and like to take risks and challenges. But not necessarily with my heart.

Can a person causally date and have Open relationships without letting their emotions and feelings get involved? I would love to just play, and just live life freely without feeling like I am tied down to anyone. Until that one special person comes along that will sweep me off my feet persay. LOL

I am not searching for any type of person, just want to be able to enjoy the time with them without drama. No lies, manipulating mind games, just being upfront and straight forward with what we both want, to give and receive the same amount of Love and Affection from one another. It would be nice to have that one person that seems to complete me without taking away MY INDIVIDUALITY.

Pleasing eachother in every way possible, supporting one anothers crazy dreams, and just living...

 

[Georgia]

Wow. Smilee. That was sexy. Idk why.