I've always been the small guy in my group of friends. Think i've often or pretty much always compensated with aggressive and sometimes violent behavior.
Most of my friends have been juicing growing up, and while I've done pretty much every drug known to man...I've always considered steroids sorta tabu for the simple reason its a biological change to your body, hormones and all of that.
I've always had really high natural test levels and assumed it would just make me even more aggressive and violent, so I just never did it or got caught up in the "group mentality".
Writing this its a strange feeling how I view things as dangerous or harmful to my body...but each to their own i guess.
I was super active growing up, did most sports, gym and then at 19years old..lets call it "life" happened and focus, interest and well "shit changed" and 10 years passed really quickly and I found myselfout of shape, unhappy and bit fat (at least considering i've been naturally below 15% bf my whole life), low energy, long term relationship just ended and for some reason I ended up taking a free offer for a PT session trough a friend of a friend. Funny how so small decisions can lead to such dramatic change.
It sorta changed my "addictive" behavior and tendencies into training instead and short after I was in the gym 5 days a week. First year was amazing, grew really fast, got my "mojo" back and everything was good. Went for long vacation and after I returned my PT had changed gym.
This new gym is well know for the past decades to produce stage winners and it changed my mentality while my gains were plateauing. I sorta felt like going from the "big" guy to the small one again. It gave motivation for sure.
I'm not exactly sure what changed but I would say seeing other people literally grow before my eyes, doing shitty workouts..well jealously i guess...
And I started thinking I can train this hard for another 2 years and still not make the same gains as the "next guy" does in a few months. And there was no shortage of these guys on top of being around "serious/stage" people all the time.
It became more of a lifestyle then just training.
Took me about another 6 months or so to get over my fear of needles, first 2 weeks I didn't even pin myself, my PT did it...but I didn't like doing it in the gym, felt dirty and stressed so I just manned up.
My first pin took well over 30 minutes, shaking like a leaf, even think I "pinned" myself 2-3 times without even piercing the skin I was so afraid haha
I had decided to only do one cycle to pack on some extra and leave it at that.
The reason I'm doing another cycle is two-fold.
First cycle was shit and I had no idea what i was doing, not cycle wise nor diet wise. It's amazing how little i knew compared to now and now when I have some insight, it feels like i know even less.
But biggest reason is how good it made me feel, mostly psychological, I became less aggressive, more tolerance, more patience, happier, more confidence and while it was an estro side, I did enjoy being able to fuck for hours without cumming... Forget viagra, thats a pill they should invent
And a big bonus was how everyone told me I finally "grew up" and started looking like a man.
Can't wait for my next cycle, had pretty amazing gains for only a 5-6 week cycle and seeing how bad I executed it, i literally can't wait too see the results this time around
Most of my friends have been juicing growing up, and while I've done pretty much every drug known to man...I've always considered steroids sorta tabu for the simple reason its a biological change to your body, hormones and all of that.
I've always had really high natural test levels and assumed it would just make me even more aggressive and violent, so I just never did it or got caught up in the "group mentality".
Writing this its a strange feeling how I view things as dangerous or harmful to my body...but each to their own i guess.
I was super active growing up, did most sports, gym and then at 19years old..lets call it "life" happened and focus, interest and well "shit changed" and 10 years passed really quickly and I found myselfout of shape, unhappy and bit fat (at least considering i've been naturally below 15% bf my whole life), low energy, long term relationship just ended and for some reason I ended up taking a free offer for a PT session trough a friend of a friend. Funny how so small decisions can lead to such dramatic change.
It sorta changed my "addictive" behavior and tendencies into training instead and short after I was in the gym 5 days a week. First year was amazing, grew really fast, got my "mojo" back and everything was good. Went for long vacation and after I returned my PT had changed gym.
This new gym is well know for the past decades to produce stage winners and it changed my mentality while my gains were plateauing. I sorta felt like going from the "big" guy to the small one again. It gave motivation for sure.
I'm not exactly sure what changed but I would say seeing other people literally grow before my eyes, doing shitty workouts..well jealously i guess...
And I started thinking I can train this hard for another 2 years and still not make the same gains as the "next guy" does in a few months. And there was no shortage of these guys on top of being around "serious/stage" people all the time.
It became more of a lifestyle then just training.
Took me about another 6 months or so to get over my fear of needles, first 2 weeks I didn't even pin myself, my PT did it...but I didn't like doing it in the gym, felt dirty and stressed so I just manned up.
My first pin took well over 30 minutes, shaking like a leaf, even think I "pinned" myself 2-3 times without even piercing the skin I was so afraid haha
I had decided to only do one cycle to pack on some extra and leave it at that.
The reason I'm doing another cycle is two-fold.
First cycle was shit and I had no idea what i was doing, not cycle wise nor diet wise. It's amazing how little i knew compared to now and now when I have some insight, it feels like i know even less.
But biggest reason is how good it made me feel, mostly psychological, I became less aggressive, more tolerance, more patience, happier, more confidence and while it was an estro side, I did enjoy being able to fuck for hours without cumming... Forget viagra, thats a pill they should invent
And a big bonus was how everyone told me I finally "grew up" and started looking like a man.
Can't wait for my next cycle, had pretty amazing gains for only a 5-6 week cycle and seeing how bad I executed it, i literally can't wait too see the results this time around
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