(long story but please read, i took the time to type it all and share it with you)
I was always small growing up, tried playing basketball in the 5th grade but I sucked at it and was picked on by pretty much the whole team who would throw balls at me etc. They would push me down on the playground at school and make fun of me all the time, on top of this I lived with my grandfather and grandmother. He died when I was 6 (almost 7) from cancer and i still remember it clearly he was like my father i was closer to him than anyone in my life. I wasn't even close to my grandmother at this point.
My dad was never around and had nothing to do with me but he still lived in the area he would walk past me in public a few times and never acknowledge me. My grandmother wasn't wealthy by any means so I never had much growing up which led to more insecurity. My mother was an extreme alcohol who drank liqour from sun up to sundown, she would always come to my grandmothers house banging on the front door so hard it would shake the house and keep me up all night yelling and arguing with my grandmother, so i struggled in school because of this. I was then made fun of for that as well and even had teachers tell me I would never become anything in life or yell at me because i would fall asleep in class.
Going in to middle school i changed alot and developed severe anger issues and i would fight any and everyone over the smallest thing, in hopes that people would no longer pick on me. This seemed to help quite alot and i became the class clown,rebel kid who didn't give a shit about anything.
So going in to high school i still had this mentality still got picked on often but always resulted in a fight and i actually never got my ass handed to me yet. Me and my grandmother became very close and i cannot emphasize that enough (she was my mom,dad,etc all in one) she loved me and did everything she could for me. I was taught if you want something then work for it and save up and buy it, we didn't have much money but I would do chores for people and random jobs for people at my mamaws auction house and I would save up money to buy video games,clothes,etc.
My mother passed away in 2011 from cirrhosis of the liver, i watched her pass away as well. I was 16 and a junior i had just gotten my first job at mcdonalds and i just dealt with it by blocking it out/keeping it inside just like i always have. The last few years of high school weren't that so bad most people had matured a little and i never really got picked on i had made some friends and plus everyone knew by this point that i would just hit you/fight you on the spot without hesitation.
I still never worked out or touched weights, i tried taking PE Weights class my senior year but half the football team was in there and a few pretty girls and i hardly participated because when i did i was made fun of for being so weak. I even brought a protein shake in their one day and i was made fun of by everyone even the teacher (he was the football coach).
I got to goto college in the fall of 2012 for free on the federal pell grant, i had no passion for anything and wasn't sure what i wanted to do so i still had the same school work ethic and i skipped class a lot plus i was working 5 days a week and going to school on the other two days full time so it was tough. I had finally started working out and fell in love with it but had no clue what i was doing.
July 6th 2013, me and my family were at a firework show and my girlfriend of a little over two years at the time was there also. Long story short, my grandmother had a massive heart attack right in front of me and there was nothing i could do to save her (if she was still alove tofay and i know everything i know now about health/fitness etc i believe i could have saved her) this was the worst experience of my life and haunts me still i miss her alot. It was so unreal and all she ever wanted was to raise me and to see me succeed and to not turn out like my mother or father and thats what i damn intend to do.
September 27th 2014 my girlfriend of 3.5 years goes to a party and cheats on me with some random guy she met that night. I was her first and only and i know it sounds dumb but i enjoyed the fact that she had only been with me it made me feel like she was closer to me and that i was "special to her". So aside form my grandmother passing this even has haunted me every single day since then and i cant get the fuck over it. It hurt my ego like a motherfucker and no matter what i do or tell myself it wont go away. I trusted her more than anything, she was my only friend i spent all of my time with her and my mamaw loved her and my girlfriend knew all of the shit i had been through so i just never seen it coming.
Sorry for the long story but i believe all of these are reason for me taking AAS and i can say that they have made my life so much better, i have more friends, people respect me more now, i feel better, i look better, etc.
On a side not, the kid who mainly picked don me all through elementary school and middle school (he was my sworn nemesis) he actually contacted me earlier this year and asked if he could start working out with me because i am bigger than him now and stronger and i look way better, i said sure and he came with me a few times before he stopped coming but it was so nice to know i was better than him at something for once in my life.
(long story but please read, i took the time to type it all and share it with you)
I was always small growing up, tried playing basketball in the 5th grade but I sucked at it and was picked on by pretty much the whole team who would throw balls at me etc. They would push me down on the playground at school and make fun of me all the time, on top of this I lived with my grandfather and grandmother. He died when I was 6 (almost 7) from cancer and i still remember it clearly he was like my father i was closer to him than anyone in my life. I wasn't even close to my grandmother at this point.
My dad was never around and had nothing to do with me but he still lived in the area he would walk past me in public a few times and never acknowledge me. My grandmother wasn't wealthy by any means so I never had much growing up which led to more insecurity. My mother was an extreme alcohol who drank liqour from sun up to sundown, she would always come to my grandmothers house banging on the front door so hard it would shake the house and keep me up all night yelling and arguing with my grandmother, so i struggled in school because of this. I was then made fun of for that as well and even had teachers tell me I would never become anything in life or yell at me because i would fall asleep in class.
Going in to middle school i changed alot and developed severe anger issues and i would fight any and everyone over the smallest thing, in hopes that people would no longer pick on me. This seemed to help quite alot and i became the class clown,rebel kid who didn't give a shit about anything.
So going in to high school i still had this mentality still got picked on often but always resulted in a fight and i actually never got my ass handed to me yet. Me and my grandmother became very close and i cannot emphasize that enough (she was my mom,dad,etc all in one) she loved me and did everything she could for me. I was taught if you want something then work for it and save up and buy it, we didn't have much money but I would do chores for people and random jobs for people at my mamaws auction house and I would save up money to buy video games,clothes,etc.
My mother passed away in 2011 from cirrhosis of the liver, i watched her pass away as well. I was 16 and a junior i had just gotten my first job at mcdonalds and i just dealt with it by blocking it out/keeping it inside just like i always have. The last few years of high school weren't that so bad most people had matured a little and i never really got picked on i had made some friends and plus everyone knew by this point that i would just hit you/fight you on the spot without hesitation.
I still never worked out or touched weights, i tried taking PE Weights class my senior year but half the football team was in there and a few pretty girls and i hardly participated because when i did i was made fun of for being so weak. I even brought a protein shake in their one day and i was made fun of by everyone even the teacher (he was the football coach).
I got to goto college in the fall of 2012 for free on the federal pell grant, i had no passion for anything and wasn't sure what i wanted to do so i still had the same school work ethic and i skipped class a lot plus i was working 5 days a week and going to school on the other two days full time so it was tough. I had finally started working out and fell in love with it but had no clue what i was doing.
July 6th 2013, me and my family were at a firework show and my girlfriend of a little over two years at the time was there also. Long story short, my grandmother had a massive heart attack right in front of me and there was nothing i could do to save her (if she was still alove tofay and i know everything i know now about health/fitness etc i believe i could have saved her) this was the worst experience of my life and haunts me still i miss her alot. It was so unreal and all she ever wanted was to raise me and to see me succeed and to not turn out like my mother or father and thats what i damn intend to do.
September 27th 2014 my girlfriend of 3.5 years goes to a party and cheats on me with some random guy she met that night. I was her first and only and i know it sounds dumb but i enjoyed the fact that she had only been with me it made me feel like she was closer to me and that i was "special to her". So aside form my grandmother passing this even has haunted me every single day since then and i cant get the fuck over it. It hurt my ego like a motherfucker and no matter what i do or tell myself it wont go away. I trusted her more than anything, she was my only friend i spent all of my time with her and my mamaw loved her and my girlfriend knew all of the shit i had been through so i just never seen it coming.
Sorry for the long story but i believe all of these are reason for me taking AAS and i can say that they have made my life so much better, i have more friends, people respect me more now, i feel better, i look better, etc.
On a side not, the kid who mainly picked don me all through elementary school and middle school (he was my sworn nemesis) he actually contacted me earlier this year and asked if he could start working out with me because i am bigger than him now and stronger and i look way better, i said sure and he came with me a few times before he stopped coming but it was so nice to know i was better than him at something for once in my life.
Because i use to do research here and felt the only way i could join and be exepted was to juice and i thought Teutonics body was so hott in his avi but there was no way hed be into me if i had no muscle......So here i am and now i cant stop