Why we juice....the hidden reasons

[jozifp103]

Kind of a strange topic, but I tend to believe that a lot of people that cycle do it for other reasons than "they just wanna be big". When I was in college I did a sociology report where I conducted anonymous interviews with steroid users, and read into the history of some famous known steroid users. I noticed that most of them had some kind of back story that seemed to link to the reasoning for them using steroids. Whether it be bullying, abuse, sexual abuse, insecurity, drug abuse, etc.

This led me to look into my own reasoning...

While it may not be as extreme as some cases...I discovered the reasons deep in my subconscious for my steroid use, that I didn't even know were the reasons behind it.

I was always a small, skinny, goofy kid. Always had aggression. I had to overcompensate with aggression for my lack of size and strength. I watched my mother (divorced) date a few guys...some who were real assholes to her in front of me and even pushed her around a bit. I had a sister 2 years younger who would bring home scumbag after scumbag. She'd come home with bruises, she got into drugs, etc etc. Having a single mom and a younger sister...I'm supposed to be the protector. Everytime i'd confront one of my sisters boyfriends I'd get my ass handed to me...and they were 2 years younger. It got to me that I was 130lb wimp who couldn't even protect my family. I started lifting at 19....packed on a good 40lbs...and plateaued. Still wasn't big enough to scare people (which is what I wanted to do)...and gains were slowing wayy down. So at 23 I ran my first cycle...and life has improved tenfold ever since.

If anyone would like to share their hidden reasons for cycling...I'd love to hear it. This thread my be a flop....but I found it interesting that sometimes you don't even realize the real reason motivating your life decisions.

 

[bigben66]

Quite simple... spent ten years training natural and hard!

Got sick of seeing guys coming in the gym in the spring with no meat on their bones, training with less vigour, knowledge and intensity than I was, and still outmuscling me by the end of the Summer.

At first I made it my goal to up my game and try and outfox them, I called them the 'seasonal puffer fish' - skinny all winter, then blow up in the summer, year after year - whereas I'd be Mr Consistency year in, year out.

But then I realized (took me 10yrs) - that with my knowledge, discipline to diet, training intensity and work ethic - combined with a well-planned cycle of AAS now and again - I'd be a serious force to reckoned with.

I haven't looked back since

 

[ImAuNatural]

(long story but please read, i took the time to type it all and share it with you)



I was always small growing up, tried playing basketball in the 5th grade but I sucked at it and was picked on by pretty much the whole team who would throw balls at me etc. They would push me down on the playground at school and make fun of me all the time, on top of this I lived with my grandfather and grandmother. He died when I was 6 (almost 7) from cancer and i still remember it clearly he was like my father i was closer to him than anyone in my life. I wasn't even close to my grandmother at this point.

My dad was never around and had nothing to do with me but he still lived in the area he would walk past me in public a few times and never acknowledge me. My grandmother wasn't wealthy by any means so I never had much growing up which led to more insecurity. My mother was an extreme alcohol who drank liqour from sun up to sundown, she would always come to my grandmothers house banging on the front door so hard it would shake the house and keep me up all night yelling and arguing with my grandmother, so i struggled in school because of this. I was then made fun of for that as well and even had teachers tell me I would never become anything in life or yell at me because i would fall asleep in class.

Going in to middle school i changed alot and developed severe anger issues and i would fight any and everyone over the smallest thing, in hopes that people would no longer pick on me. This seemed to help quite alot and i became the class clown,rebel kid who didn't give a shit about anything.

So going in to high school i still had this mentality still got picked on often but always resulted in a fight and i actually never got my ass handed to me yet. Me and my grandmother became very close and i cannot emphasize that enough (she was my mom,dad,etc all in one) she loved me and did everything she could for me. I was taught if you want something then work for it and save up and buy it, we didn't have much money but I would do chores for people and random jobs for people at my mamaws auction house and I would save up money to buy video games,clothes,etc.

My mother passed away in 2011 from cirrhosis of the liver, i watched her pass away as well. I was 16 and a junior i had just gotten my first job at mcdonalds and i just dealt with it by blocking it out/keeping it inside just like i always have. The last few years of high school weren't that so bad most people had matured a little and i never really got picked on i had made some friends and plus everyone knew by this point that i would just hit you/fight you on the spot without hesitation.

I still never worked out or touched weights, i tried taking PE Weights class my senior year but half the football team was in there and a few pretty girls and i hardly participated because when i did i was made fun of for being so weak. I even brought a protein shake in their one day and i was made fun of by everyone even the teacher (he was the football coach).

I got to goto college in the fall of 2012 for free on the federal pell grant, i had no passion for anything and wasn't sure what i wanted to do so i still had the same school work ethic and i skipped class a lot plus i was working 5 days a week and going to school on the other two days full time so it was tough. I had finally started working out and fell in love with it but had no clue what i was doing.

July 6th 2013, me and my family were at a firework show and my girlfriend of a little over two years at the time was there also. Long story short, my grandmother had a massive heart attack right in front of me and there was nothing i could do to save her (if she was still alove tofay and i know everything i know now about health/fitness etc i believe i could have saved her) this was the worst experience of my life and haunts me still i miss her alot. It was so unreal and all she ever wanted was to raise me and to see me succeed and to not turn out like my mother or father and thats what i damn intend to do.

September 27th 2014 my girlfriend of 3.5 years goes to a party and cheats on me with some random guy she met that night. I was her first and only and i know it sounds dumb but i enjoyed the fact that she had only been with me it made me feel like she was closer to me and that i was "special to her". So aside form my grandmother passing this even has haunted me every single day since then and i cant get the fuck over it. It hurt my ego like a motherfucker and no matter what i do or tell myself it wont go away. I trusted her more than anything, she was my only friend i spent all of my time with her and my mamaw loved her and my girlfriend knew all of the shit i had been through so i just never seen it coming.

Sorry for the long story but i believe all of these are reason for me taking AAS and i can say that they have made my life so much better, i have more friends, people respect me more now, i feel better, i look better, etc.

On a side not, the kid who mainly picked don me all through elementary school and middle school (he was my sworn nemesis) he actually contacted me earlier this year and asked if he could start working out with me because i am bigger than him now and stronger and i look way better, i said sure and he came with me a few times before he stopped coming but it was so nice to know i was better than him at something for once in my life.

 

[jozifp103]

Quite simple... spent ten years training natural and hard!

Got sick of seeing guys coming in the gym in the spring with no meat on their bones, training with less vigour, knowledge and intensity than I was, and still outmuscling me by the end of the Summer.

At first I made it my goal to up my game and try and outfox them, I called them the 'seasonal puffer fish' - skinny all winter, then blow up in the summer, year after year - whereas I'd be Mr Consistency year in, year out.

But then I realized (took me 10yrs) - that with my knowledge, discipline to diet, training intensity and work ethic - combined with a well-planned cycle of AAS now and again - I'd be a serious force to reckoned with.

I haven't looked back since

Lol...sometimes it really is all about getting HUGE. Just goes to show that two people in a similar lifestyle can be there for different reasons entirely.

(long story but please read, i took the time to type it all and share it with you)



I was always small growing up, tried playing basketball in the 5th grade but I sucked at it and was picked on by pretty much the whole team who would throw balls at me etc. They would push me down on the playground at school and make fun of me all the time, on top of this I lived with my grandfather and grandmother. He died when I was 6 (almost 7) from cancer and i still remember it clearly he was like my father i was closer to him than anyone in my life. I wasn't even close to my grandmother at this point.

My dad was never around and had nothing to do with me but he still lived in the area he would walk past me in public a few times and never acknowledge me. My grandmother wasn't wealthy by any means so I never had much growing up which led to more insecurity. My mother was an extreme alcohol who drank liqour from sun up to sundown, she would always come to my grandmothers house banging on the front door so hard it would shake the house and keep me up all night yelling and arguing with my grandmother, so i struggled in school because of this. I was then made fun of for that as well and even had teachers tell me I would never become anything in life or yell at me because i would fall asleep in class.

Going in to middle school i changed alot and developed severe anger issues and i would fight any and everyone over the smallest thing, in hopes that people would no longer pick on me. This seemed to help quite alot and i became the class clown,rebel kid who didn't give a shit about anything.

So going in to high school i still had this mentality still got picked on often but always resulted in a fight and i actually never got my ass handed to me yet. Me and my grandmother became very close and i cannot emphasize that enough (she was my mom,dad,etc all in one) she loved me and did everything she could for me. I was taught if you want something then work for it and save up and buy it, we didn't have much money but I would do chores for people and random jobs for people at my mamaws auction house and I would save up money to buy video games,clothes,etc.

My mother passed away in 2011 from cirrhosis of the liver, i watched her pass away as well. I was 16 and a junior i had just gotten my first job at mcdonalds and i just dealt with it by blocking it out/keeping it inside just like i always have. The last few years of high school weren't that so bad most people had matured a little and i never really got picked on i had made some friends and plus everyone knew by this point that i would just hit you/fight you on the spot without hesitation.

I still never worked out or touched weights, i tried taking PE Weights class my senior year but half the football team was in there and a few pretty girls and i hardly participated because when i did i was made fun of for being so weak. I even brought a protein shake in their one day and i was made fun of by everyone even the teacher (he was the football coach).

I got to goto college in the fall of 2012 for free on the federal pell grant, i had no passion for anything and wasn't sure what i wanted to do so i still had the same school work ethic and i skipped class a lot plus i was working 5 days a week and going to school on the other two days full time so it was tough. I had finally started working out and fell in love with it but had no clue what i was doing.

July 6th 2013, me and my family were at a firework show and my girlfriend of a little over two years at the time was there also. Long story short, my grandmother had a massive heart attack right in front of me and there was nothing i could do to save her (if she was still alove tofay and i know everything i know now about health/fitness etc i believe i could have saved her) this was the worst experience of my life and haunts me still i miss her alot. It was so unreal and all she ever wanted was to raise me and to see me succeed and to not turn out like my mother or father and thats what i damn intend to do.

September 27th 2014 my girlfriend of 3.5 years goes to a party and cheats on me with some random guy she met that night. I was her first and only and i know it sounds dumb but i enjoyed the fact that she had only been with me it made me feel like she was closer to me and that i was "special to her". So aside form my grandmother passing this even has haunted me every single day since then and i cant get the fuck over it. It hurt my ego like a motherfucker and no matter what i do or tell myself it wont go away. I trusted her more than anything, she was my only friend i spent all of my time with her and my mamaw loved her and my girlfriend knew all of the shit i had been through so i just never seen it coming.

Sorry for the long story but i believe all of these are reason for me taking AAS and i can say that they have made my life so much better, i have more friends, people respect me more now, i feel better, i look better, etc.

On a side not, the kid who mainly picked don me all through elementary school and middle school (he was my sworn nemesis) he actually contacted me earlier this year and asked if he could start working out with me because i am bigger than him now and stronger and i look way better, i said sure and he came with me a few times before he stopped coming but it was so nice to know i was better than him at something for once in my life.

You really let it out there brotha! Thanks for sharing. I remember you telling me when your girl did that back in sept. Shit like that can take a huge toll on your manhood. Just try not to rely on AAS for your confidence and well being...because there is still the off time and you need to be able to deal with life with normal test levels lol. Good read though thanks again for sharing.

 

[ImAuNatural]

Lol...sometimes it really is all about getting HUGE. Just goes to show that two people in a similar lifestyle can be there for different reasons entirely.


You really let it out there brotha! Thanks for sharing. I remember you telling me when your girl did that back in sept. Shit like that can take a huge toll on your manhood. Just try not to rely on AAS for your confidence and well being...because there is still the off time and you need to be able to deal with life with normal test levels lol. Good read though thanks again for sharing.

Yeah, hard to believe its been a year in 5 days. I seriously still have nightmares about it at least twice a week and there really isnt a day that goes by that i don't think about it. ME and my girlfriend are still together, i have made mistakes before too so i said i would forgive her just this once.

She has treated me like a king ever since, buying me shit, food, back rubs, etc any man would be lucky to have her and to be treated this way. But im hardly attracted to her sometimes (even though she is very pretty and has a nicer body than almost every girl i see in public) and when i start thinking of what she did i want to throw her out my window lol (seriously i get so pissed but i try to hold it in).

This thread isn't for venting so ill stop now lol. I just never knew something would hurt me this much. I have been through alot more shit than what i posted up there and you would think i would be numb to it, which i am on most things but for some reason it ant let it go. I used to have a pretty big ego honestly and now i am so insecure its not even funny but i try not to show it.

But that's part of the reason i take AAS still, I want to look the best I can, I want to be bigger and stronger than most people. It helps me with my insecurities and make me feel better about my life i guess. I would also like to compete someday.

 

[bigben66]

Lol...sometimes it really is all about getting HUGE. Just goes to show that two people in a similar lifestyle can be there for different reasons entirely.

I was always athletic, top of most activities, soccer being my main sport...

But as a kid I loved superheroes, used to dress up as them as a nipper... loved watching wrestling, rugby strongman events and marvelling at their power and musculature...

I guess being a meathead was inevitable!

 

[ImAuNatural]

Lol...sometimes it really is all about getting HUGE. Just goes to show that two people in a similar lifestyle can be there for different reasons entirely.

I was always athletic, top of most activities, soccer being my main sport...

But as a kid I loved superheroes, used to dress up as them as a nipper... loved watching wrestling, rugby strongman events and marvelling at their power and musculature...

I guess being a meathead was inevitable!

Same here. I longed to look that way. Always wanteed to become Goku from Dragon Ball Z.

 

[bigtimechief]

I was in the crowd that believed I could get as big as I wanted if I just trained hard and ate right. It was a HUGE letdown the day I realized otherwise. All the magazines, bodybuilders that were "natural", the supplement industry, etc. It was all lies. I was literally was devastated.

Started with prohormones until I realized those were junk. To my surprise, I found out most injectables were the safest way to go about it. The rest is history.

However, I do believe some of us have a vice. Maybe addictive behavior, or skeletons in the closet, or who knows. I know I suffer from an addictive personality, which I have to watch closely. I also love to take things to the limit. This can be good and bad.

In the end, I think a lot steroid users have unique personality traits. Risk takers, go getters, and not afraid to deviate from the norm. Most of all, we know how to think for ourselves. I've never been one to fall in line, and I wager that most people here are the same.

Steroids can be amazing, and of course, they can be devastating. I heard someone say: (I think in this forum) "When you pick up the needle, do it with your eyes wide open." This resonates with me. It's important to know WHY you're doing it, or you set yourself up for a fall.

 

[ImAuNatural]

I was in the crowd that believed I could get as big as I wanted if I just trained hard and ate right. It was a HUGE letdown the day I realized otherwise. All the magazines, bodybuilders that were "natural", the supplement industry, etc. It was all lies. I was literally was devastated.

Started with prohormones until I realized those were junk. To my surprise, I found out most injectables were the safest way to go about it. The rest is history.

However, I do believe some of us have a vice. Maybe addictive behavior, or skeletons in the closet, or who knows. I know I suffer from an addictive personality, which I have to watch closely. I also love to take things to the limit. This can be good and bad.

In the end, I think a lot steroid users have unique personality traits. Risk takers, go getters, and not afraid to deviate from the norm. Most of all, we know how to think for ourselves. I've never been one to fall in line, and I wager that most people here are the same.

Steroids can be amazing, and of course, they can be devastating. I heard someone say: (I think in this forum) "When you pick up the needle, do it with your eyes wide open." This resonates with me. It's important to know WHY you're doing it, or you set yourself up for a fall.

I can agree with this.

 

[Havasu]

I can honestly say the 2 times I've cycled I really have had no other reason than wanting to be bigger. Why do I want to be bigger? Well I bust my ass in the gym, I haven't been able to achieve the results I want naturally, and aesthetically I like the way it looks. So, that's about the start, and end of it. I have no history of drug use, I wasn't abused sexually, or physically, I wasn't bullied, my parents are still married (45 years), and my childhood was rather normal.

I'm on TRT now, not because I was the lowest of the low, but I was lower than I wanted to be. I feel that genetically I always had lower than optimal testosterone levels. I've been focusing on just getting TRT dialed, and I feel I'm there now after getting rid of DHEA, and Pregnenolone from my regimen. They were screwing with my e2 numbers. Got rid of them, and now I'm fine.

At this point I will probably cycle now, but I'm really trying to figure out what I want out of a cycle before I jump on one.

 

[Dirkmcgirk]

Only done one cycle and that was to maintain mass while cutting and using t3.

 

[Buzzbait]

Pretty simple.... Because I have a small pecker

 

[halfwit]

Pretty simple.... Because I have a small pecker

Damnit! I was SO going to say that!

Not srs.



Okay, maybe a little srs.

AAS chose me, I avoided it for 20 years because I had been scared away due to stories from all the guys that did AAS growing up. Got hurt - >got hooked on opiates->developed hypogonadism - >felt I more than paid the price, so I'm going to make the most out of it.

I don't have any real hidden reasons other than that. Of course, AAS has shown me what I had been missing all those years; and I'm kinda miffed that folks flat-out lied to me about how they work, but I'm here to stay, and make sure others know what the truth is.

My .02c

Okay, and I guess it's fun to have the hot chicks at the gym stare/give their numbers - but that's not my motivation at all. I pinky swear!

 

[jozifp103]

Pretty simple.... Because I have a small pecker

Shrink your balls so it looks bigger right? Genius

 

[Billegitimate]

Shrink your balls so it looks bigger right? Genius

It's all relative. I've said it before, but good advice is to marry a girl with tiny hands. It looks so big!!!

 

[maurij1]

I started cycling about 2 years ago at age 43. My test was on the lower side but that's not why I did it. I was a small kid growing up and got picked on a lot but to be honest my big mouth was the reason for most of it. I went to the health clubs as a kid with my parents because back then there was no daycare and for the most part they just let me run around and do my own thing. One day while I was running around at the gym I found the dungeon where all the big boys hung out with all the free weights and I was mesmerized by the size of those guys, to a 10 year old they were monstrous! They all took a liking to me and helped me out here and there but mostly I just watched them lift. I've been in love with lifting ever since but I swore to stay natural because of all the stories I read about the evils of steroids.

Jump forward 30 + years I'm now 45 and I spend every day after work training fighters and lifting weights. The last 5 years I've learned more about lifting than I have in the previous 25 and it kind of pisses me off to look back at all the years I've wasted! I'm not huge, 5'9" 210lbs 16% body fat and almost 18" arms cold (flexed of course) and this was with protein and creatine only, but my body now hurts and my knees are totaled.

So my goal now through aas is to get a little bigger, but mostly to help with my joints. I don't take any kind of pain killers and the doctors won't replace my knees till I stop training fighters and lifting...as much so I'm left with few options if I want to continue to train the way I do. I'm glad I found this site and was able to research and educate myself about the pro's and con's of aas and thanks to all the knowledgeable people here like halfwit, megatron and many many others I believe I've made the right choices!!

Sorry if I rambled on!!

 

[anzel]

Found I had low test at 34. That explained why I was shrinking away. Knew a guy on TRT and he hooked me up with some test to do a cycle. Did my first cycle and then lost it all when I went back to being low test. Decided to run 2 cycles a year after that but I kept losing gains. Thats when I went on TRT. The truth, I went on TRT so I can keep muscle. No other reason. But now that I have been on TRT I feel so much better! I feel younger and have a much better attitude. I look better to but how I feel compared to how I used to feel is a game changer! So Since Im on TRT I regularly blast cause once that door is open its hard to close.

 

[Teutonic]

Initially to get stronger for power lifting, then for bblding, then to be the biggest guy in line at Wal mart lol

And then as a mean s to make my job as a US School Crossing easier...

Now...trt and vanity.

 

[e92]

i think main reason behind all of my past self destructive behaviors can be justified by me being born with a stutter. now i dont mean stutter, like i literally stutter my words, it means i know what i want to say but sometimes i just cannot get the word out of my mouth.

i used to love to mess around in school when i was little and was always the "class clown", probably because i wanted to get validation or get other people to like me, and they did... until we left school. when we were outside of school nobody wanted to hang out with me. when i was 11 my public school kicked me out and refused to take me back, and suggested my parents to find a "special needs" school, but didnt have the money. so from 11-13 i was home schooled, which means for 2 years i was sitting home all day with no friends crying because i thought i was less than everyone else. i would cut myself a lot. to this day i have about 100 deep scars on both of my thighs.

then when i was 13 i started going to a special needs school in a not so great part of new york. i was picked on and bulled and beat up for all of 8th grade there. then i decided to move to israel by myself. i am fully israeli and decided maybe i should go home. so i attended 9th grade there. but being without your parents when you're 14 is not easy, so i moved back home.

then my highschool decided to accept me back, so i graduated there, i didnt have many friends but i had some so that was good. not friends but everybody knew me. but i still had my stutter. that made me question myself. in high school i can count on my hands how many parties i've been to. then suddenly the "cool kids" befriended me and introduced me to the "fun" world of drugs. all of them. i smoked a bit of weed already, but ive never done real drugs.

xanax turned into vicodin, vicodin turned into oxys, oxys turned into opana. until finally, opana turned into heroin. and we would snort heroin. then we graduated, did a lot of drugs that summer to celebrate our graduation (i still miss that summer to this day). then summer ended and reality hit. we were no longer the kings of our high school and we realized that, so we were all depressed and did a lot of heroin. we were addicts. if we didnt get our dose the next day we would be in withdrawal, and we would find a way to get it. rob people, sell something we own, and the worst which i am still ashamed of today: stealing my mothers jewelry to buy drugs. it all seemed bad at the time as well, but painkillers dont just numb you physically they numb you emotionally too.

then me and one of my buddies from the group decided we needed to cut the bullshit, and get back to the gym. only this time with a bang. keep in mind that at this point i was already lifting for 4 years steadily and religiously 4-5x a week.

now with a bang, i mean take steroids. so we got ourselves some lixus test prop, and were doing 150mg EOD for 10 weeks. we blew up. then our cycle ended, so we started doing opiates again. then we realized we needed to stop, so we hopped on another cycle.

that was april 2012, and i've been on ever since. i mean i did try to recover my natural test levels a few months ago but didnt get the results i want, so i decided to be on TRT. maybe not the best choice, but hey..

because of my past i feel an overwhelming desire to be better than everyone else in every aspect.

i pretty much outgrew my stutter and the fear of it, although i still stutter here and there but i dont let it bring me down. all of these past experiences only made me grow stronger and benefitted me. it gave me the edge i needed. these days, i always want more. i always want a hotter girlfriend. always want more money. a bigger apartment, a nicer car, just everything. i'm never satisfied, and i think that is one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. but that will bring me to the top and help me achieve my dreams

 

[ImAuNatural]

i think main reason behind all of my past self destructive behaviors can be justified by me being born with a stutter. now i dont mean stutter, like i literally stutter my words, it means i know what i want to say but sometimes i just cannot get the word out of my mouth.

i used to love to mess around in school when i was little and was always the "class clown", probably because i wanted to get validation or get other people to like me, and they did... until we left school. when we were outside of school nobody wanted to hang out with me. when i was 11 my public school kicked me out and refused to take me back, and suggested my parents to find a "special needs" school, but didnt have the money. so from 11-13 i was home schooled, which means for 2 years i was sitting home all day with no friends crying because i thought i was less than everyone else. i would cut myself a lot. to this day i have about 100 deep scars on both of my thighs.

then when i was 13 i started going to a special needs school in a not so great part of new york. i was picked on and bulled and beat up for all of 8th grade there. then i decided to move to israel by myself. i am fully israeli and decided maybe i should go home. so i attended 9th grade there. but being without your parents when you're 14 is not easy, so i moved back home.

then my highschool decided to accept me back, so i graduated there, i didnt have many friends but i had some so that was good. not friends but everybody knew me. but i still had my stutter. that made me question myself. in high school i can count on my hands how many parties i've been to. then suddenly the "cool kids" befriended me and introduced me to the "fun" world of drugs. all of them. i smoked a bit of weed already, but ive never done real drugs.

xanax turned into vicodin, vicodin turned into oxys, oxys turned into opana. until finally, opana turned into heroin. and we would snort heroin. then we graduated, did a lot of drugs that summer to celebrate our graduation (i still miss that summer to this day). then summer ended and reality hit. we were no longer the kings of our high school and we realized that, so we were all depressed and did a lot of heroin. we were addicts. if we didnt get our dose the next day we would be in withdrawal, and we would find a way to get it. rob people, sell something we own, and the worst which i am still ashamed of today: stealing my mothers jewelry to buy drugs. it all seemed bad at the time as well, but painkillers dont just numb you physically they numb you emotionally too.

then me and one of my buddies from the group decided we needed to cut the bullshit, and get back to the gym. only this time with a bang. keep in mind that at this point i was already lifting for 4 years steadily and religiously 4-5x a week.

now with a bang, i mean take steroids. so we got ourselves some lixus test prop, and were doing 150mg EOD for 10 weeks. we blew up. then our cycle ended, so we started doing opiates again. then we realized we needed to stop, so we hopped on another cycle.

that was april 2012, and i've been on ever since. i mean i did try to recover my natural test levels a few months ago but didnt get the results i want, so i decided to be on TRT. maybe not the best choice, but hey..

because of my past i feel an overwhelming desire to be better than everyone else in every aspect.

i pretty much outgrew my stutter and the fear of it, although i still stutter here and there but i dont let it bring me down. all of these past experiences only made me grow stronger and benefitted me. it gave me the edge i needed. these days, i always want more. i always want a hotter girlfriend. always want more money. a bigger apartment, a nicer car, just everything. i'm never satisfied, and i think that is one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. but that will bring me to the top and help me achieve my dreams

Thanks for sharing man. I think the same thing about always wanting to have more and be better than others because i always felt like i was less than everyone growing up.