Dude do you need instructions on how to wipe your ass too? Ok ok, ill give you some fool-proof steps to a clean ass:
1. Do an initial "survey" wipe, wipe down to the surface and use one motion from front to back. Examine the treasure and be prepared to take whatever steps necessary to get a clean bum.
2. If the survey wipe was clean, proceed to step 6. If not, continue to step 3.
3. Wet the toilet paper with a little warm water and add a dab of hand soap. Wipe the bum area with 1 or two good strokes and make another survey - if clean go to step 6. If not continue to step 4.
4. Wet the toilet paper only, wipe good and hard right down to the hole and dont be scared to really get in there.
5. Make a dry wipe and examine the results. If your unsatisfied with the tint of the TP, return to step 3. If you are satisfied with your results, continue to step 6.
6. SAFETY wipe. This adds a level of unbeatable eat-off-my-anus security. Wipe with some TP dabbed with warm water. Then wipe again with a dry wad of TP. Both should be clean wipes. If they arent, you have failed to follow the directions and you should maybe consider that yea, your the guy with the smelly ass. Accept your title and pull your pants up. If however both wipes were a-ok, pull those drawers up with confidence and a smile, for your ass is smiling back all clean and happy.
