My wife is leaving me. Would appreciate some advice.

[VengeanceX7]

So this last weekend my wife and I were out celebrating a friends birthday and we got a little drunk, we started arguing a little bit and I walked away saying, "I dont wanna be with you." I meant right then at that moment. So that we wouldn't fight anymore. She thought I meant be with her at all. Now a little background. I have not been a very good husband lately. I have been very emotionally neglectful. I get upset when she criticizes me instead of just listening so she stop saying stuff to me cause I would get upset. This has been going on for a long time. I never thought it bugged her that much. I just thought she was stressed out cause she just started school full time again. So between working full time and school full time and raising our 1 year old i thought she was just stressed. I admit this is all my fault. I do stupid stuff like that and then I say things out of anger when we get into fights. I never mean those things we all say stuff we dont mean. I am on my first cycle and I did this plenty of times before so it isnt gear. I love her more than anything and do not want to lose her but she is so attiment(sp?) about leaving. WHAT CAN I DO? I keep telling her that i will change. And I will. But she says i have been given to many chances and dont deserve another. I know i can change and will. I have been doing a lot of soul searching on how to change and why i was acting that way and i have realized how precious she is to me and I love her so much. Any input would help me out. I just dont want to lose my wife.

 

[Big Hungry]

Uhhhh how old are ya'll? Does she kno about your gear? Im no therapist but iv'e went through a divorce. Stash your supplies and pray for the best

 

[VengeanceX7]

Im 27 shes 25. Yes she knows. She doesnt care. I know people always say that but really she doenst care at all and wont bring it up. Plus she has smoked weed in front of me a few times. I dont want to pray for the best. I want to work on it. She does not not at all. I just want to stay married to her. I love her so much.

 

[ozzyozzy21]

So this last weekend my wife and I were out celebrating a friends birthday and we got a little drunk, we started arguing a little bit and I walked away saying, "I dont wanna be with you." I meant right then at that moment. So that we wouldn't fight anymore. She thought I meant be with her at all. Now a little background. I have not been a very good husband lately. I have been very emotionally neglectful. I get upset when she criticizes me instead of just listening so she stop saying stuff to me cause I would get upset. This has been going on for a long time. I never thought it bugged her that much. I just thought she was stressed out cause she just started school full time again. So between working full time and school full time and raising our 1 year old i thought she was just stressed. I admit this is all my fault. I do stupid stuff like that and then I say things out of anger when we get into fights. I never mean those things we all say stuff we dont mean. I am on my first cycle and I did this plenty of times before so it isnt gear. I love her more than anything and do not want to lose her but she is so attiment(sp?) about leaving. WHAT CAN I DO? I keep telling her that i will change. And I will. But she says i have been given to many chances and dont deserve another. I know i can change and will. I have been doing a lot of soul searching on how to change and why i was acting that way and i have realized how precious she is to me and I love her so much. Any input would help me out. I just dont want to lose my wife.

I have no experience to offer (married 2 years now), but here's my 2 cents. I'd tell her how much I loved her, admit you are wrong, and here's the kicker. Tell her you want her to go to church with you. Heck, maybe even tell her you want to get counceling. I can imagine any pastor worth his salt could get you right. Some people might think this is dumb, but dude pray about it. Hope it helps!

 

[808crx]

Bro, honestly, I am the exact same age, and my wife is your wife's exact same age. bro, ask for a little bit of her time, and tell her exactly what you just wrote my man (not word for word) but that is pure feelings right there! She has to know what you think, and that you will do anything to make it work. Bro, if you know it's your fault, admit to her, tell her how much she means, and what you've been feeling (both good and bad)! And to be honest, it's a risky move (cause you may not get a good answer), ask her straight up what it will take to MAKE it work? If you she answers with things, you know there's a chance. Just be honest and straight up, she'll at the least respect that...

 

[808crx]

And yeah bro, pray! Good luck bro! Keep us updated!

 

[JD408]

Best thing to do is let her cool down. Could take a few days or more. Don't push her.
When time is right and she's ready to listen you can tell her you wanna make things right and you're willing to make the effort because you think she worth it. Ask her if she would be willing to see a marriage counselor with you. Seek one out before you mention it. Maybe even go before you ask her. Show her you're making effort.

That's my advice, and I do practice what I preach because I've done what I'm telling you to do with my wife.
We are living apart right now, but getting ready to be under the same roof again. I just kept trying without pushing. There's a fine line there you gotta learn the balance.

Marriage is a never ending learning experience. Hang in there

 

[VengeanceX7]

I have no experience to offer (married 2 years now), but here's my 2 cents. I'd tell her how much I loved her, admit you are wrong, and here's the kicker. Tell her you want her to go to church with you. Heck, maybe even tell her you want to get counceling. I can imagine any pastor worth his salt could get you right. Some people might think this is dumb, but dude pray about it. Hope it helps!

I havent tried the church thing yet but I was thinking about it. I mentioned counseling because we have done it before. She doenst want to go though. I will continue to pray about it.

 

[Big Hungry]

That sucks. Sorry bro

 

[VengeanceX7]

Bro, honestly, I am the exact same age, and my wife is your wife's exact same age. bro, ask for a little bit of her time, and tell her exactly what you just wrote my man (not word for word) but that is pure feelings right there! She has to know what you think, and that you will do anything to make it work. Bro, if you know it's your fault, admit to her, tell her how much she means, and what you've been feeling (both good and bad)! And to be honest, it's a risky move (cause you may not get a good answer), ask her straight up what it will take to MAKE it work? If you she answers with things, you know there's a chance. Just be honest and straight up, she'll at the least respect that...

I have told her all of this and more. But she says over and over i dont deserve another chance and wants nothing to do with me. I have also asked about making it work her answer is always nothing.

 

[VengeanceX7]

Best thing to do is let her cool down. Could take a few days or more. Don't push her.
When time is right and she's ready to listen you can tell her you wanna make things right and you're willing to make the effort because you think she worth it. Ask her if she would be willing to see a marriage counselor with you. Seek one out before you mention it. Maybe even go before you ask her. Show her you're making effort.

That's my advice, and I do practice what I preach because I've done what I'm telling you to do with my wife.
We are living apart right now, but getting ready to be under the same roof again. I just kept trying without pushing. There's a fine line there you gotta learn the balance.

Marriage is a never ending learning experience. Hang in there

That is what I am trying to do. I will give her all the time she needs. and i would be fine with like what you are doing. moves out for a while. clears her head and we start slow and talk about things. But she says as soon as she moves out she is filing for divorce. She honestly acts like she doesnt know what marriage is, the sanctity of it. It means so much to me but not to her. She is just so willing to throw it all away without even fighting. I thought when you got married you would fight through anything to be together and you have to work at it everyday. These are the things that i feel like she isnt doing. All i need is a chance. I can make this right...

 

[JD408]

That is what I am trying to do. I will give her all the time she needs. and i would be fine with like what you are doing. moves out for a while. clears her head and we start slow and talk about things. But she says as soon as she moves out she is filing for divorce. She honestly acts like she doesnt know what marriage is, the sanctity of it. It means so much to me but not to her. She is just so willing to throw it all away without even fighting. I thought when you got married you would fight through anything to be together and you have to work at it everyday. These are the things that i feel like she isnt doing. All i need is a chance. I can make this right...

From reading more it sounds like she's not ready to talk it out right now.
She's angry still. Keep in mind that anger emotion usually comes from a place of fear or hurt.
Sometimes its both. My wife gets angry as hell too and runs with that emotion. Her normal thing is get pissed, lash out, shut down, and then run away. Believe me I know how it is.
Just don't get desperate and focus to much on this. It will have the exact oppisite effect you want.

Start seeing a counselor on your own. Then try to get her to join.
If you two are religous and active in the church then I suggest seeking help there.

Just show you're making effort and give her time. Nothing more you can do. Just don't freak out. She married you, she loves you. That doesn't just stop.
I freaked out plenty when I got kicked out of the house. I thought for sure its over.
Freaking out didn't help me. Only thing that did help was time, giving her space, and showing I was trying and not giving up

 

[VengeanceX7]

From reading more it sounds like she's not ready to talk it out right now.
She's angry still. Keep in mind that anger emotion usually comes from a place of fear or hurt.
Sometimes its both. My wife gets angry as hell too and runs with that emotion. Her normal thing is get pissed, lash out, shut down, and then run away. Believe me I know how it is.
Just don't get desperate and focus to much on this. It will have the exact oppisite effect you want.

Start seeing a counselor on your own. Then try to get her to join.
If you two are religous and active in the church then I suggest seeking help there.

Just show you're making effort and give her time. Nothing more you can do. Just don't freak out. She married you, she loves you. That doesn't just stop.
I freaked out plenty when I got kicked out of the house. I thought for sure its over.
Freaking out didn't help me. Only thing that did help was time, giving her space, and showing I was trying and not giving up

This all sounds spot on for me. I am fine with doing all of these things. My biggest concern is, she says she is filing asap. No time nothing. I asked her just to hold off on that part and she says no i dont want any ties to you at all. I dont want that. I would be fine with her moving out, clearing her head, giving her time a space and then show her how different I am.

 

[JD408]

This all sounds spot on for me. I am fine with doing all of these things. My biggest concern is, she says she is filing asap. No time nothing. I asked her just to hold off on that part and she says no i dont want any ties to you at all. I dont want that. I would be fine with her moving out, clearing her head, giving her time a space and then show her how different I am.

Like I said she's angry still. If it makes you feel any better, my situation went as far as to get the Paper work ready. Actually going through with it and signing that shit is a lot harder than saying You wanna do that.
Hopefully she isn't at the end of her rope and she's just upset still.
Don't feed into that shit when she brings it up.
You should know your girl by now and be able to tell when she's calm or
when she is pissy. When she is ready to hear you and she's let some anger go, you will see a softer calmer side of her. Look for it and don't react to anything else. If she yells, stay calm, say nothing mean or cocky, let it roll off you.

She's probably gonna be pissy for a while and be lashing out.
Just don't let foolish pride get the better of you.
I tell ya man that pride shit can be your worst enemy

 

[German89]

From a girls prospective; Maybe it's not even you dude... Could it be her? She works full time, she just started school and you have a kid, one years old. You've emotionally neglected her; you just admitted well.. Obviously shes upset/angry you don't give her the time of day any more... Why did the effort stop? When was the last time you took her out to dinner/date night? Do you help her around the house? Ask her about her day? Ask her to watch the kid so, she can have a girls night?
I don't know... You're saying you've done everything possible. You're committed to try anything to keep her from leaving you.. Why not... Let her leave? Don't need a divorce but, let her go, start fresh; and make it more of a priority to make her number one? (Maybe that's what she misses?)
Maybe, she has a few self issues to work out? Something is reaaalllyyyy bugging her.
Maybe you can speak to one of her friends to see what you can do? Friends are always a helpful hand.
Church/Praying? I don't know if that's realistic but; lack of communication has been lost, and you need to redefine that.
Is there a financial issue you two are sitting on? -- If so, don't let that come between you two
But I think if you, try taking her out, make her feel wanted/needed and, maybe feed her a few glasses of vino, the truth will eventually slip out..

 

[German89]

OH! And not to sound rude but... when was the last time you guys had sex?

 

[VengeanceX7]

From a girls prospective; Maybe it's not even you dude... Could it be her? She works full time, she just started school and you have a kid, one years old. You've emotionally neglected her; you just admitted well.. Obviously shes upset/angry you don't give her the time of day any more... Why did the effort stop? When was the last time you took her out to dinner/date night? Do you help her around the house? Ask her about her day? Ask her to watch the kid so, she can have a girls night?
I don't know... You're saying you've done everything possible. You're committed to try anything to keep her from leaving you.. Why not... Let her leave? Don't need a divorce but, let her go, start fresh; and make it more of a priority to make her number one? (Maybe that's what she misses?)
Maybe, she has a few self issues to work out? Something is reaaalllyyyy bugging her.
Maybe you can speak to one of her friends to see what you can do? Friends are always a helpful hand.
Church/Praying? I don't know if that's realistic but; lack of communication has been lost, and you need to redefine that.
Is there a financial issue you two are sitting on? -- If so, don't let that come between you two
But I think if you, try taking her out, make her feel wanted/needed and, maybe feed her a few glasses of vino, the truth will eventually slip out..

The effort stopped because I always thought being married was enough. I thought that our vows to eachother would keep us together forever that is what it meant to me. I work 13 hour night shift so I am tired alot so alot of those things you listed i didnt do often. She would nag at me about them and i was soo mean back to her. I would do them but was pissy about it first. We went out 2 weeks ago for dinner, laughed and had a good time. I dont help around as much as i should but even before that night this happened i had started more and since it happened i have been working around non stop trying to proove to her i will change. I would always ask about her day but she would just say fine and i would leave it at that. I wanted to know everthing but she wouldnt tell me.

I will let her leave and clear her mind and cool off about how mad she is at me. the thing is she says shes filing as soon as she leaves. I keep telling her you can leave just dont file yet. I told her i dont care if it take 6 months of living apart i will win her back. She is my #1 priority i just never really showed her but everything i did revolved around that woman. I think she does have some issues. Her mom left her family when she was 2 and was gone for 9 months till she came back after the divorced for visitations. I think that has messed her up a little. No financial issue good on that not. We had some but fixed it with counseling and now have plenty of money.

I would try to take her out but she wouldnt want to. The truth is spilling now cause she says she doesnt care about my feeling anymore. Its always the same thing over and over again. I dont have the same feelings for you anymore, I dont want ot be around you. I dont want to touch you.

I figured i would start small with a lunch date. Just to talk.

As far as sex goes we had sex the night before this all happened so that wasnt a thing either.

 

[VengeanceX7]

Oh and talking to her friends is out too. She hasnt told her friends yet. Only her sisters, and mom. I talked to one of her sisters and she told me to give her some space and not give up. But last night she texted me telling me that my wife has told her numerous times she is unhappy and she has to respect that so that she cannot help me anymore. I understand that she is unhappy but she can try to let me make her happy cause i know i can do it.

 

[hardpr]

I havent tried the church thing yet but I was thinking about it. I mentioned counseling because we have done it before. She doenst want to go though. I will continue to pray about it.

god cant help you. shes already seeing someone else. jmo

 

[Tha Rock]

I feel your pain bro. I'm sure we've all been there, but I've never been married so I haven't EXACTLY been there. How long have you been married and how long have you been making her unhappy? Because it seems like it's been a while and what did u do so many times to her that she's giving up and "not giving you another chance"? I mean do you honestly think you were that bad to her or is she just upset and overreacting? Because like u said, marriage is serious and why would she wanna suddenly throw it all away? I agree with the advice earlier to let her calm down a bit so you guys can have a rational conversation. I think you u need to really find out whats goin on in her head and what she's thinking and why.....then hopefully that will give you something to work with. I know this shit sucks, but good luck.