Funny shit in the bedroom

[Mr. Humdiddly]

HAHAHAHA!!!! dont i tell good stories

Sometimes a little too good. LOL.

 

[jdsmalls]

yo i also had to bust ass when i was gettin head but instead i held it in a little longer cuz she said she wasnt takin it in the mouth so i waited till she was almost done and let it rip and she was shocked and mouth dropped in suprise and bombs away, shot that load in her mouth so hard it made her burp, now that shit was funny

 

[THE-DET-OAK]

My story is not that funny but it was a great night for me.

couple years ago i broke up with my GF for a month or so and nailed everything i could, I was not very picky. I meet this girl at a bar and take her home. Later i came to find out she had a super hot friend like 10 status. ok ok maybe 9.

so couple of weeks later i have this halloween party at my house, her and her friend pass out upstairs in the extra room. couple hours later I head upstairs to my room, im hammered and can barely walk. i stick my head in the room and start going trisha, trisha, trisha.............thats the not so good looking one. she gets up and comes to my room with me, we jump in bed and i start taking her clothes off. Im like wow i do not remember you having such a nice body, couple minutes later i realize its sara the hot one, I was in heaven cause i knew she wanted to bang but i didnt think she would cause of her friend. I figured this would be the end of screwing either one after this night.

So im waxin it D style and totally pulled the ghost nut off on her, pulled it out lugied on her ass and as soon as she turned around blew it right in her eye, all she kept saying was OMG OMG i cant see.

she kept asking my why i would do that and i couldnt do anything but laugh, i was so drunk i could have cared less.

It was great simply cause i have never nailed the hot friend on accident...........only when trying.

 

[TonySuicideKing]

I applaud you sir. Well done.

 

[hardpr]

didnt really strike a laugh or anything, now if you had something like with what i did now 2 weeks ago. i was getting head from my one girl, and i had to fart like no other. i couldnt hold it in anymore, and i thought it would be funny. so i dropped ass, almost at the blowing point. she just automatically stops. slowly comes off, looks at me, an says... "you cant be serious" an punches me in the dick, an walks away... got blue balled in 2 forms...

now if you had something like that. i would applaud you

that just kills me. laughing my ass off. you one sick sob

 

[CHIP WADOWSKI]

you must love stomp'in tom coners. Or your from out east canada.

I'm in ontario. A small town where the girls are cum guzzlers.

All girls everywhere are cum guzzling, gutterpig, fuckwhores! They aaaaalllll try to pretend to be the good girl. They aaaalllll tell you how "oh honey, ur so special to me, i'll never hurt you".... Fuck you cunt! These filthy fucking pigs all think they are one step ahead of the game! They alllll think they got all their stories lined up and in check, until you catch em up in a lie they cant get out of! And then even at that, they think they are still good enough to pull off the bait and switch and squirm their filthy fucking pussies out of a jam! I just got done being a nice, honest dude for the final time ever! Now i'll leave nothing but complete carnage and mass destruction in my wake!!! Its go time!

ALL HAIL MAXIMUS!!!!!!

 

[scotimusprime]

Now i'll leave nothing but complete carnage and mass destruction in my wake!!! Its go time!

take me with you oh wise cum bucket tamer

 

[TonySuicideKing]

All girls everywhere are cum guzzling, gutterpig, fuckwhores! They aaaaalllll try to pretend to be the good girl. They aaaalllll tell you how "oh honey, ur so special to me, i'll never hurt you".... Fuck you cunt! These filthy fucking pigs all think they are one step ahead of the game! They alllll think they got all their stories lined up and in check, until you catch em up in a lie they cant get out of! And then even at that, they think they are still good enough to pull off the bait and switch and squirm their filthy fucking pussies out of a jam! I just got done being a nice, honest dude for the final time ever! Now i'll leave nothing but complete carnage and mass destruction in my wake!!! Its go time!

ALL HAIL MAXIMUS!!!!!!

BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! No argument at all from me sir. You have me agreeing with you all 100%

 

[Rond01]

I had to tell my girl how to suck my cock. The hand needs to be involved. Now she sucks dick like a porn star.

hell yea im in the same boat, im not sure to be disapointed because she dont know how or glad that she hasnt done it enough to know. lol

 

[Rond01]

All girls everywhere are cum guzzling, gutterpig, fuckwhores! They aaaaalllll try to pretend to be the good girl. They aaaalllll tell you how "oh honey, ur so special to me, i'll never hurt you".... Fuck you cunt! These filthy fucking pigs all think they are one step ahead of the game! They alllll think they got all their stories lined up and in check, until you catch em up in a lie they cant get out of! And then even at that, they think they are still good enough to pull off the bait and switch and squirm their filthy fucking pussies out of a jam! I just got done being a nice, honest dude for the final time ever! Now i'll leave nothing but complete carnage and mass destruction in my wake!!! Its go time!

ALL HAIL MAXIMUS!!!!!!

damn bro you must have had some bad times with the ladies there not that bad........not all of them......

 

[Jusselin]

didnt really strike a laugh or anything, now if you had something like with what i did now 2 weeks ago. I was getting head from my one girl, and i had to fart like no other. I couldnt hold it in anymore, and i thought it would be funny. So i dropped ass, almost at the blowing point. She just automatically stops. Slowly comes off, looks at me, an says... "you cant be serious" an punches me in the dick, an walks away... Got blue balled in 2 forms...

Now if you had something like that. I would applaud you

bahahahahaha

 

[Jusselin]

I had to tell my girl how to suck my cock. The hand needs to be involved. Now she sucks dick like a porn star.

my wife was craving the cock the first time she ever did it and i swear to God it was the best head i have ever received...baller status


get em hungry for the yogurt slinger and they will suck it like a pro every time!

 

[Jusselin]

I had a semi similar situation.. Well not really, but both of our stories involve bodily harm lol. This bitch im fucking right now says she likes to suck dick but WONT let me cum in her mouth. im thinking to myself, fuck that shit. The other day shes sucking my dick for a few minutes. Im in the zone and she has the nerve to stop and tell me remember to tell me when im your about to cum so she can take it out of her mouth and jerk me off to cum.. Well I said yeah sure keep going... Came right in that bitches mouth and held her head on my dick while i was cumming. Fucking stupid cunt whore loogied the cum at me getting it all over my chest and then punched me in the fucking face. Didnt mean too, but instinct told me to fight back so i fucking pushed that bitch and she flew off the bed and sprained her ankle lol. Were all good now, but it was a fucked up night.

thats nothing this one bitch was sucking my shit and told me not to nut in her face so right as i was about to cum i stabbed that bitch in the throat with a letter opener lol WTF dude your story is all abusive and shit hahah

 

[FairyCake]

Never had a jizz accident, but did pull out of an ass once after cumming and a turd shot out after my dick. At first I thought I was seeing things, but nope, a mini log shot out like a chocolate donut hole out of a gagging drunks mouth.

 

[Deerawk]

Never had a jizz accident, but did pull out of an ass once after cumming and a turd shot out after my dick. At first I thought I was seeing things, but nope, a mini log shot out like a chocolate donut hole out of a gagging drunks mouth.

hahahaha, that's terrible, but hilarious.

My friend told me a story of when a chick was riding him and he really had to fart. He tried to let it rip quietly but instead sharted. So he pooped all over her sheets. He threw her over and finished up quick and grabbed the sheets and threw them off the bed and got outta there. He won a radio show contest with that one lol

 

[Cam01]

cosigns

U baStards! =\ Hey, atleast i started a good topic. My story was funny, but i guess u had to be there. Not literally tho lol ass lickers

 

[Cam01]

Never had a jizz accident, but did pull out of an ass once after cumming and a turd shot out after my dick. At first I thought I was seeing things, but nope, a mini log shot out like a chocolate donut hole out of a gagging drunks mouth.

FUcking hilarious! I too got shitted on by this. Shit was pretty weird...and fucking nasty n stinky.

 

[jamesl0822]

Ok I so this is a pretty ironic two part story. My first highschool gf wouldn't swallow so I started pulling my mouth off her clit when she was about to cum and I would finish her off with my hand. After about a month, she caved and said ok next time I'll swallow. Well we go parking and she starts to go down and I tell her not to even start unless she's planning on swallowing so she assures me that she is. So I catch that feeling and lay my head back getting ready to blow and as soon as I do she gets like the first wave in her mouth and I get the rest on my chin. Now I'm not a mean guy but you know I had to put that trick out of the car. We were in the middle of the country so I came back in about 10 mins.

Ok here's the ironic part flash forward 10 yrs and I'm with this girl who squirts in buckets and I'm the one looking up saying "now you let me know when your about to cum!!"