Funny shit in the bedroom

TonySuicideKing said:
lol ok another one, my now ex fiancé, was giving me dome while we were watching a movie. she was getting into it like no other... i think it was because Megan Fox was in the movie... MAYBE, who knows. well i didnt tell her the night before i was drinking heavily, mixing everything an anything together. and i guess that is a big no no for when the girl is going to swallow. so i blew it in her mouth and as shes swallowing. she stops and immediately vomits all over my dick area. I couldnt help but laugh but also yell WHAT THE FUCK. she gets up screaming, "well what in the fuck do you expect, your shit tasted like some rancid ass chunky milk mixed with booze!" i still laugh from it. cause i didnt clean it up!
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Son, you may be getting laid, but you're gonna be single a long, long time.
 
Try this one

So I lived in the fraternity house way back when... I was hooking up with this girl and I had been trying to get her to let me put it in her ass. After a few weeks she agreed. We had this unspoken agreement that if you put it in a girl's ass you yelled "ARRRRGGG!!!!". Well I guess it wasn't her first rodeo in our house because she got up, slapped me and stormed out.... it could have been the laughter from down the hall, I'll never know :dunno:
 
hahahahaha buffalo thats hilarious, when i had a roomate we had our own little thing to let the other one know what was going on. sooner or later you would hear a laugh
 
Once I had a time crunched prostitute convince me to masturbate...after she failed to perform her assigned duties. I did as I was instructed. 3D porn movies in its nascent state of existence!

$50 to perform an act that was perfectly acceptable back in the barracks. Brilliant.

Poly
 
TonySuicideKing said:
didnt really strike a laugh or anything, now if you had something like with what i did now 2 weeks ago. i was getting head from my one girl, and i had to fart like no other. i couldnt hold it in anymore, and i thought it would be funny. so i dropped ass, almost at the blowing point. she just automatically stops. slowly comes off, looks at me, an says... "you cant be serious" an punches me in the dick, an walks away... got blue balled in 2 forms...

now if you had something like that. i would applaud you
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hahaha, hell naw. thats a good idea, but very fucked up. lol.
 
cyto33 said:
must be something in the water in my home town every chick there sucks dick like its the last meal they will ever have.

quick story.

getting skulled and she tells me to blow it in her mouth.
ok cool.
so i let it fly and fuck me i thought i killed her. she was gagging and gasping for air. yells at me what the fuck did you eat?
dunno why. that burned like fucking hot sauce. i'm on fire i need a drink quick.

well i like to eat really hot indian food and i would guess that did it
hell i had tears i was laughing so hard.
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Where do you live.........I'm planning a vacation.
 
A gf asked me to let her know when i come, okay..

I m coming so i let her now, grab her head push it on my whole dick and cum, then, she ran to the bathroom to split it all.

Next day after work, she told me that she vomitted in the morning... she would never suck me again.
 
zozom said:
A gf asked me to let her know when i come, okay..

I m coming so i let her now, grab her head push it on my whole dick and cum, then, she ran to the bathroom to split it all.

Next day after work, she told me that she vomitted in the morning... she would never suck me again.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! but come on... you have to admit... it was worth it
 
TonySuicideKing said:
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! but come on... you have to admit... it was worth it
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Yeah but she sucked horribly wrong!

Teeth scratch! scratch!

My cock had pain, i told her "don t use your teeth please, it hurts" and she would keep sucking my dick, licking & tasting my precum like an ice cream.
I was in pain and moaning till the final round.
 
For Humdiddly: NEW STORY TIME

some odd reason my buddy told me to go on this dating website. He's telling me how he picks up so many chicks an bones them after one night. I went out with this new chick cause me an my ex now broke up an i was in the mood to get some action. so met up with this one brod, things were going great. we went out for a few drinks afterwards. then she invites me over to her house.

one thing she asked was for me to be quiet, cause she has roommates... and im thinking...ME be quiet... woman you better be quiet. so were going at it an all of a sudden she starts screaming like no other. so i flipped her over an slammed her head into the pillow. bad thing about that is she started smacking the wall, let alone her bed isnt the quietest thing in the world. LONG STORY SHORT. We finish up and she goes to the bathroom. i got all dressed up and try to sneak out, and her roommates are chilling in the living room, and right when i came through they start cheering me an applauding. 1st time that has ever happened to me. IF YOU GET THE CHANCE i would suggest you take it. best thing in the world getting cheered as your walking out the door.
 
TonySuicideKing said:
For Humdiddly: NEW STORY TIME

some odd reason my buddy told me to go on this dating website. He's telling me how he picks up so many chicks an bones them after one night. I went out with this new chick cause me an my ex now broke up an i was in the mood to get some action. so met up with this one brod, things were going great. we went out for a few drinks afterwards. then she invites me over to her house.

one thing she asked was for me to be quiet, cause she has roommates... and im thinking...ME be quiet... woman you better be quiet. so were going at it an all of a sudden she starts screaming like no other. so i flipped her over an slammed her head into the pillow. bad thing about that is she started smacking the wall, let alone her bed isnt the quietest thing in the world. LONG STORY SHORT. We finish up and she goes to the bathroom. i got all dressed up and try to sneak out, and her roommates are chilling in the living room, and right when i came through they start cheering me an applauding. 1st time that has ever happened to me. IF YOU GET THE CHANCE i would suggest you take it. best thing in the world getting cheered as your walking out the door.
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Not bad, but you still have to top the double blue ball fart story. Have some rep all the same.
 
okokok... i got another one for you. the following day i landed another girl on the date site. this time i had to meet her friends, if the friends like me its ok then. so everything went well. and we went back to her place. we put in a movie, then all of a sudden she starts blowing me. and she was like the queen of blowing dick. she had me zoning out an head back in resting position. i zoned out hard... thats when it starts going down hill. i heard a car door shut twice... didnt think anything of it. all of a sudden i hear "WHAT IN THE FUCK!" Her parents came home an saw her sucking my situation. NOW, right when i heard WHAT THE FUCK i blew my load all over the place. the dad was pissed like no other, he runs into the kitchen. while he did that i quick got my pants on an everything. but wasnt quick enough, he came running out that door with something in his hand.... what exactly i didnt want to know or find out. luckily houses in milwaukee have the same designs. i ran around the corner and out the door. i jumped into my car quick and as im starting to get going he gets to the car an almost in. i floored it an luckily got away. something did hit my car, couldnt tell you what he threw since i didnt see a mark. very intense lol!
 
TonySuicideKing said:
okokok... i got another one for you. the following day i landed another girl on the date site. this time i had to meet her friends, if the friends like me its ok then. so everything went well. and we went back to her place. we put in a movie, then all of a sudden she starts blowing me. and she was like the queen of blowing dick. she had me zoning out an head back in resting position. i zoned out hard... thats when it starts going down hill. i heard a car door shut twice... didnt think anything of it. all of a sudden i hear "WHAT IN THE FUCK!" Her parents came home an saw her sucking my situation. NOW, right when i heard WHAT THE FUCK i blew my load all over the place. the dad was pissed like no other, he runs into the kitchen. while he did that i quick got my pants on an everything. but wasnt quick enough, he came running out that door with something in his hand.... what exactly i didnt want to know or find out. luckily houses in milwaukee have the same designs. i ran around the corner and out the door. i jumped into my car quick and as im starting to get going he gets to the car an almost in. i floored it an luckily got away. something did hit my car, couldnt tell you what he threw since i didnt see a mark. very intense lol!
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Now that is a story!
 
ANOTHER dad story. this was from a while back

im dating this one girl at the time, we got out of school early. we went back to her house. an we start getting down to business. her parents wouldnt be home for roughly 5 hours so we thought we were all good. clothes start flying everywhere when we get in. pants/shirts/ everything. we were boning all over that house. we got to her bedroom and thats when it got intense. were going at it like no other. all of a sudden daddy came home a little early this day. as were going at it i hear what seems to be footsteps coming up the stairs... she says dont worry its just her dog... while we keep going at it guess who kicks in the door... DADDY! only thing in my mind it ...."OH SHIT" he grabs me by my neck and i go flying down the flight of stairs. and hes booking after me. i came conscious from that hell of a fly down a flight of stairs an booked in time. now... being in pain you think that would be enough... NOPE. im butt ass naked running down the street with his big burly ass running after me. my car had to be parked atleast 4 blocks away since they were doing road construction. i got to my car in time. an hauled some ass home. my body was fucked up for a few days... that was for sure, still missing my clothes from that day HAHA!
 
ROFL! Damn Anthony! Thanks for the mental image. Excuse me while I go drill a hole in my head to get the image of your naked ass running down the street out.
 
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