Why we juice....the hidden reasons

e92 said:
i think main reason behind all of my past self destructive behaviors can be justified by me being born with a stutter. now i dont mean stutter, like i literally stutter my words, it means i know what i want to say but sometimes i just cannot get the word out of my mouth.

i used to love to mess around in school when i was little and was always the "class clown", probably because i wanted to get validation or get other people to like me, and they did... until we left school. when we were outside of school nobody wanted to hang out with me. when i was 11 my public school kicked me out and refused to take me back, and suggested my parents to find a "special needs" school, but didnt have the money. so from 11-13 i was home schooled, which means for 2 years i was sitting home all day with no friends crying because i thought i was less than everyone else. i would cut myself a lot. to this day i have about 100 deep scars on both of my thighs.

then when i was 13 i started going to a special needs school in a not so great part of new york. i was picked on and bulled and beat up for all of 8th grade there. then i decided to move to israel by myself. i am fully israeli and decided maybe i should go home. so i attended 9th grade there. but being without your parents when you're 14 is not easy, so i moved back home.

then my highschool decided to accept me back, so i graduated there, i didnt have many friends but i had some so that was good. not friends but everybody knew me. but i still had my stutter. that made me question myself. in high school i can count on my hands how many parties i've been to. then suddenly the "cool kids" befriended me and introduced me to the "fun" world of drugs. all of them. i smoked a bit of weed already, but ive never done real drugs.

xanax turned into vicodin, vicodin turned into oxys, oxys turned into opana. until finally, opana turned into heroin. and we would snort heroin. then we graduated, did a lot of drugs that summer to celebrate our graduation (i still miss that summer to this day). then summer ended and reality hit. we were no longer the kings of our high school and we realized that, so we were all depressed and did a lot of heroin. we were addicts. if we didnt get our dose the next day we would be in withdrawal, and we would find a way to get it. rob people, sell something we own, and the worst which i am still ashamed of today: stealing my mothers jewelry to buy drugs. it all seemed bad at the time as well, but painkillers dont just numb you physically they numb you emotionally too.

then me and one of my buddies from the group decided we needed to cut the bullshit, and get back to the gym. only this time with a bang. keep in mind that at this point i was already lifting for 4 years steadily and religiously 4-5x a week.

now with a bang, i mean take steroids. so we got ourselves some lixus test prop, and were doing 150mg EOD for 10 weeks. we blew up. then our cycle ended, so we started doing opiates again. then we realized we needed to stop, so we hopped on another cycle.

that was april 2012, and i've been on ever since. i mean i did try to recover my natural test levels a few months ago but didnt get the results i want, so i decided to be on TRT. maybe not the best choice, but hey..

because of my past i feel an overwhelming desire to be better than everyone else in every aspect.

i pretty much outgrew my stutter and the fear of it, although i still stutter here and there but i dont let it bring me down. all of these past experiences only made me grow stronger and benefitted me. it gave me the edge i needed. these days, i always want more. i always want a hotter girlfriend. always want more money. a bigger apartment, a nicer car, just everything. i'm never satisfied, and i think that is one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. but that will bring me to the top and help me achieve my dreams
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Damn dude I know what you mean, I also have a stutter. Especially sucks when you have to get up in front of a class of military guys and teach lol. Luckily, when I know I'm about to stutter, I just think really quickly if a synonym I can use that won't cause it lol.
 
Glad some of you are coming out of your shells a bit and sharing some intimate details. I can honestly say, any confidence, self esteem, anxiety, etc that once existed is completely gone since starting AAS. I have no regrets because I feel like a million bucks every day.
 
I started lifting Originally because of acne. It use to bother me a lot and I needed to take my mind off of things and it seemed like everyone respected muscle looking guys in general and that people with acne didn't seem to get a second glance, so I began to work toward that.. Still had acne for years, tried so much creams ect and nothing worked and I was losing it at this point......Finally after sometime I found out about accutane, got a doc to give it to me. Took a fight cause he was stubborn and ran is for 6 months. It cleared me for 1-2 months after those 6, then it came back and my doc would not put me on it again.

At this point I was losing it again and found out that accutane is sold by UGL's. So I posted here to get help and most people turned me down, except 3: Mega, blackbeard, Teut. They offered to help and I found a source and solved my issue by running accutane longer this time on lower dosage and since then I just stuck around, learned what I could, helped when I could and began my own cycle and now to this day I still go to the gym and eat clean every day, year round cause I LOVE this painful lifestyle. So my worst problem that once put me down, happened for a reason and it got me into my most fav thing in the world BB :)


PS: If anyone ever needs help with acne cases, pm me. I will give u all the knowledge u need to know to get rid of that curse
 
I originally started when I was a teen because of my love of lifting, pushing heavy weights and desire to be bigger than everyone. As a teen I did like one cycle, saw some results and just fell in love with the thought of getting bigger. I joined the military so I had to not dabble to be safe. Now that I'm retired and have a source I am starting again as soon as it arrives. I weigh between 230-238 pounds at 69" now and have been using PH's and peptides for awhile so gear is the natural progression I guess. I need it to get the size I want.
I guess the base reason for my return to AAS is simple: When I was younger I fought so much that being big made ppl think twice about wanting to start something with me. Now I'm big enough that the average guy might just shoot me rather than fight me, but I'm older (mid 40's) so that's not gonna happen I hope. I think my desire to juice is simply me wanting to push the boundaries of big, feel good about myself and feed my ego. I like when women admire me and when other dudes ask me advice on training and supplementation. You know when you see someone with some size on them randomly when you're out somewhere and you both gauge who's bigger? I just love winning those little moments so my ego and inner butthead mentality are why.
 
Anabolicsrevisited said:
I originally started when I was a teen because of my love of lifting, pushing heavy weights and desire to be bigger than everyone. As a teen I did like one cycle, saw some results and just fell in love with the thought of getting bigger. I joined the military so I had to not dabble to be safe. Now that I'm retired and have a source I am starting again as soon as it arrives. I weigh between 230-238 pounds at 69" now and have been using PH's and peptides for awhile so gear is the natural progression I guess. I need it to get the size I want.
I guess the base reason for my return to AAS is simple: When I was younger I fought so much that being big made ppl think twice about wanting to start something with me. Now I'm big enough that the average guy might just shoot me rather than fight me, but I'm older (mid 40's) so that's not gonna happen I hope. I think my desire to juice is simply me wanting to push the boundaries of big, feel good about myself and feed my ego. I like when women admire me and when other dudes ask me advice on training and supplementation. You know when you see someone with some size on them randomly when you're out somewhere and you both gauge who's bigger? I just love winning those little moments so my ego and inner butthead mentality are why.
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so you have an inferiority complex and feel the need to overcompensate by being physically large?
 
I entered this new lifestyle after I was diagnosed with low T. I have always been blessed (and cursed) with a vey high metabolism. As a youth, I could not gain weight no matter how hard I tried. To give an example of this, one day I came home from work and my 16 year old daughter was walking around in a new pair of jeans. Something odd about them...could not immediately put my finger on it. Then I saw it - the front pockets were square, as if the back pockets were also on the front...she was wearing my Navy Dungarees!! I was 26 when I last wore those and they perfectly fit my 16 year old daughter! Yeah, I had a 26 inch waist and the body of a computer geek.

So fast forward to a few years ago, I turned 43 (I think) and found I had all the same symptoms as listed on the low T commercial, got tested, went through hell with treatment, and finally found myself pinning test. Due to the horrifying pain the next day after my first shot, I found myself on a Body Building / Steroids /TRT forum where I learned a LOT more about TRT than my doctor even knows. This lead me to learn about the other steroids, cycles, etc. I always thought of myself as in shape, and compared to my grossly obese friends and neighbors I was. But I was 190 pounds and 28% body fat...which is not good.

Now that TRT gave me my life back, I realized I only had about half of it left! I decided that I should be the best me I can be and that a safe and respectful use of steroids can help in that goal. I grabbed a personal trainer / nutritionist (you may know who this is - yes, 3J!!) who put me on a cut from Hell and taught me how to eat and exercise properly. Only after I got under 15% body fat did he even recommend a Test blast and the start of my first bulking cycle. I am never going back to the old me. :)
 
If that's how you see it, I guess so. I admit I have a complex. No matter how big I get, I always see a 180 pound looking person in the mirror. I personally can't see myself as a big guy in the mirror. I last measured my arms in December of 2013 and they were 20.25 inches big and that seemed small to me no matter what the tape said. I would be more apt to say rather than an inferiority complex I'm more of a narcissist. I take pride in strength, refuse to be outdone in the gym and constantly want to get bigger regardless of my current size. At 69" and roughly 235 pounds with probably 21" arms I always get told I'm huge, but if anyone says I look like I'm cutting, or toning I get a bit paranoid and wanna know if I look smaller. To some I'm big, but I don't think so. I really want to be at about 260 pounds as long as I'm not wheezing from just walking around the gym.
 
I was a cop in my younger days, trained hard, run and gun with the best of em. Injured my back in a vehicle accident and couldn't be a cop any more. Rehabbed, used the gym to build a better core and fell away from it. I've always been fairly strong, but I'm almost 50 now so things have changed.

I intervened in a domestic at my local bank and really had to fight this young crackhead. It was not like it used to be, I almost lost the fight. Scared the crap out of me. Months later when a friend at the gym offered to "hook me up" I finally said yes after so many years of no.

First cycle was a little over the top, we'll see how things go now that I know more about what I should be doing.
 
Thanks, I appreciate that. I went by the wifes job one day and after I left they told her 'there's no need to be that big'. I guess I've got some size, but I honestly dont see it when I look at myself.
 
Pussy. Plain & simple. To make myself a more viable sexual partner for the opposite sex.
What, there's other reasons to be big? I don't care if I can impress a bunch of men, unless it's going to somehow get me laid. :)
 
e92 said:
so you have an inferiority complex and feel the need to overcompensate by being physically large?
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This is more common than you may think among steroid users. Maybe not inferiority, but a skewed perception of self image.
 
FlashRunner said:
Pussy. Plain & simple. To make myself a more viable sexual partner for the opposite sex.
What, there's other reasons to be big? I don't care if I can impress a bunch of men, unless it's going to somehow get me laid. :)
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at least for me there is no difference none of girls give a fuck ... they couldn't care less if I'm 91kg with some belly fat vs 106kg with visible abs and lot more jacked.
 
So I'm like 11 days into my cycle of Test- E, Durabolin and Winny. Other than this weird heat rash on on arm where my bi and forearm meet I'm loving it. Durabolin has mostly killed my sex drive unless I'm getting some dome... reckless boners are rare at 44 and on AAS anyways. I've gained roughly 10-15 pounds and am tipping the scale at 246. Pre cycle weigh in was 232. I feel freaking outstanding, recovery is fast, soreness minimal and am able to easily do extra sets without dropping weight. Warming/starting up on shoulder press at 225 and just really working the muscle thoroughly. Increases in weights are awesome. Only downside is the rash and overworked my bicep one day and am still healing that up so curls have to be light at 70's. Anyone got idea on rash? Went to pharmacist and they recommended hydrocortisone for 1 wk and doc if it persists. Other than that AAS is just what I remembered it was like...but better with 3 compounds.
 
well I guess for me it was a few thing one being the feeling of having to be compared to guys that were big and cut and looked great around my girl friends and me knowing I couldn't stack up against them and u know deep down the girls friend is loving the looks of that and you don't have nothen close to that and as 3J said it jus leaves you with such insecurity and doubt all the time because you cause you know in any giving situation you loose to them, and also as mentioned above I tried to bust my ass killing myself in gym with minimal results and jus got so damn tied beating a dead horse felt like and lastly the bedroom benefits is so much better with those high test #s you jus feel so much more confident and from there that's road ive been on and prob stay on... and as halfwit my friend would say that jus my .02 cents lol......
 
for real it might sound stupid but i started lifting because if there was a apocalyptic event i want to be in charge i want to be that guy that leads people and helps people.....i want to be the alpha male who is not only smart but also strong, and can take charge,,,,, that was when i was 16 lol ....now that I'm 28 i just juice so i can stay ahead of the game....why not if you do it right its only hear to help u but i don't abuse it
 
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