Am I shallow or is this just...

[Zero V]

I started dating a new girl finally. She is beautiful, talented in writing and drawing. She plays soccer, and yet loves to enjoy an xbox game. One of those...rare combo's.


Then I asked her about college...and she said she is not planning on going to college, she never has been good at school.

And that bothered me very deeply. I mean, more than I would expect. But I have raised such high standards and expectations of myself(I WILL have a doctorate by 32 in physical therapy).

Mostly because I want my kids to be raised, educated, and given the best opportunities when I have them.

But the idea that a girl I am dating, which could eventually become my wife, and involve children...well she does not want to go any further in education. And I am worried...

Am I shallow? I mean I can fall in love with a girl of any color(this girl is actually black, I am white). I can fall in love with girls who vary in body type, who vary in intelligence...

But the idea that someone is just going to stop and not keep bettering themselves...is disturbing me more than I think anything else has.

 

[07Lane40]

I don't think thats shallow, and you're definitely not alone man. i can deal with just about anyone no matter their qualities as long as they try to work hard and better themselves. this is a tough situation. its always been expected of me to go to college, so i expect that of the people i'm around. there are opportunity costs however so i realize that there are still a lot of people who choose to not go.

So this would be my question - is she trying to better herself by doing other things? pursuing a dream of any sort?

personal drive is a bigger factor to me than what exactly they are going after.

 

[Bullseye Forever]

Does she ever mention any personal goals or dreaams she has in life or stuff she wants to accomplish?

 

[Zero V]

I don't think thats shallow, and you're definitely not alone man. i can deal with just about anyone no matter their qualities as long as they try to work hard and better themselves. this is a tough situation. its always been expected of me to go to college, so i expect that of the people i'm around. there are opportunity costs however so i realize that there are still a lot of people who choose to not go.

So this would be my question - is she trying to better herself by doing other things? pursuing a dream of any sort?

personal drive is a bigger factor to me than what exactly they are going after.

She is gifted in the artistic sense. She is writing, ALOT. And I read some of a book she has written and within a chapter I was drawn in, she is definitely gifted with words. Her dreams are to become published and an established writer. And she is a consistent writer(daily).

She does not want college because she says she has never been good at school.

I too write, but I know the future of a writer is a hard one today. With digital media and the internet out it impacts book sales.

Actually last night she sketched a picture of me and it...blew my mind. She is definitely talented in that aspect.

 

[darkside06]

I started dating a new girl finally. She is beautiful, talented in writing and drawing. She plays soccer, and yet loves to enjoy an xbox game. One of those...rare combo's.


Then I asked her about college...and she said she is not planning on going to college, she never has been good at school.

And that bothered me very deeply. I mean, more than I would expect. But I have raised such high standards and expectations of myself(I WILL have a doctorate by 32 in physical therapy).

Mostly because I want my kids to be raised, educated, and given the best opportunities when I have them.

But the idea that a girl I am dating, which could eventually become my wife, and involve children...well she does not want to go any further in education. And I am worried...

Am I shallow? I mean I can fall in love with a girl of any color(this girl is actually black, I am white). I can fall in love with girls who vary in body type, who vary in intelligence...

But the idea that someone is just going to stop and not keep bettering themselves...is disturbing me more than I think anything else has.

She said she was never good at school..... but that don't mean she isn't interested in bettering herself. Education is important but it's not for everyone. I know many people who are very very successful and never went to college, some of them never graduated highschool and they do extremely well.

I don't think you're really being shallow, but if you really dig her, then it shouldn't matter.

 

[stevenmd]

She said she was never good at school..... but that don't mean she isn't interested in bettering herself. Education is important but it's not for everyone. I know many people who are very very successful and never went to college, some of them never graduated highschool and they do extremely well.

I don't think you're really being shallow, but if you really dig her, then it shouldn't matter.

I agree 100%. A college education does not make a person better. All it encourages is regurgitation of the thoughts and opinions of someone else. Plus, it just adds to your debt.

One thing you shouldn't overlook - and from your prior posts I think you will agree with me - is that fact that being a stay at home mom is a noble calling in life. Maybe that is one of her dreams - and it is probably the most noble of them all.

If you like her, quit thinking so much and just see where it goes!

 

[Sassytassie84]

Yes, I agree. Just become someone is not good at sitting in classes and studying does not mean she is not trying to better herself. The fact that she is already writing a book currently shows her pursuit in bettering herself. College does not make you a better person. I know a lot of people, both that have gone to college and those that have not. Some of the smartest people I know did not go to college. Education is important and if it is something you want your children to do then it is your job to push them and show them how important education. The fact that one of the parents did not go to college does not even need to be brought up to the kids.

What is important is that she has goals and is not a bum doing nothing to contribute towards them. This doesn't seem to be the case.

 

[G03ixxer6]

I guess I'm old school but I feel a woman should be a good wife and a good mother more than anything else. Lol you can be "successfull" without going to college, Im doing it now.

 

[Sassytassie84]

I guess I'm old school but I feel a woman should be a good wife and a good mother more than anything else. Lol you can be "successfull" without going to college, Im doing it now.

I am fine with that sexist comment... however, men who think this way make me laugh. In most areas the cost of living is so high that both parents have to work. SO, if we are going with the old ways the man should work 2 jobs so the woman can stay home to do her "womanly duties". My ex expected me to do alllll the child rearing (not like that sickos), keep the home clean, cook, laundry etc, AND go to a full time job. I think that is just laziness and hypocritical. I am down for the whole woman/man's job things, but I am not down to do both IF I am in a relationship with a "man" that thinks that way.

 

[Zero V]

Thanks for every ones input. She is the kind of girl I can see being a great mother, one of the reasons I was attracted to her.

Guess its just fears deep inside me while going into an uncertain future in this world. I know my college education will pay off, because of how I carry myself...And I know many business owners and successful people who never went to college.

Guess its just the uncertainty of the future that got me is all.

And you are right, on all of it. I am just going to see where it goes and enjoy my time with her. Lord knows I could use a good girl lol. And that, she definitely is.

 

[stevenmd]

I am fine with that sexist comment... however, men who think this way make me laugh. In most areas the cost of living is so high that both parents have to work. SO, if we are going with the old ways the man should work 2 jobs so the woman can stay home to do her "womanly duties". My ex expected me to do alllll the child rearing (not like that sickos), keep the home clean, cook, laundry etc, AND go to a full time job. I think that is just laziness and hypocritical. I am down for the whole woman/man's job things, but I am not down to do both IF I am in a relationship with a "man" that thinks that way.

My dad worked two jobs so my mom could stay home and be a full-time mom. I'm a better man for that too. Got lot's of love and respect for my dad making those sacrifices and much love and respect for my mom for sacrificing a potential career to rear myself and my sisters.

 

[stevenmd]

Thanks for every ones input. She is the kind of girl I can see being a great mother, one of the reasons I was attracted to her.

Guess its just fears deep inside me while going into an uncertain future in this world. I know my college education will pay off, because of how I carry myself...And I know many business owners and successful people who never went to college.

Guess its just the uncertainty of the future that got me is all.

And you are right, on all of it. I am just going to see where it goes and enjoy my time with her. Lord knows I could use a good girl lol. And that, she definitely is.

I just started seeing a single mom who is not college educated but looking at how good a mom she is, really really turns me on and is totally hot to me because I know she will treat my kids well. That is an important factor to me.

 

[Zero V]

I am fine with that sexist comment... however, men who think this way make me laugh. In most areas the cost of living is so high that both parents have to work. SO, if we are going with the old ways the man should work 2 jobs so the woman can stay home to do her "womanly duties". My ex expected me to do alllll the child rearing (not like that sickos), keep the home clean, cook, laundry etc, AND go to a full time job. I think that is just laziness and hypocritical. I am down for the whole woman/man's job things, but I am not down to do both IF I am in a relationship with a "man" that thinks that way.

If I end up making at least 70K a year I would prefer my wife stay at home. But I want her to still be moving forward, and I would not tell her NOT to work. I would be fine with that because it would create more security for us.


Thanks for everyone's advice. I am very old school for someone my age because I would prefer to have my wife stay home and home school my kids. But I know thats not likely with the future as it is and know a wife who can get a good job is very important to ensure our children have all they need.

I am going forward with the relationship because this girl is something special. Maybe I been out of dating for too long, maybe I am soft, but she has so many things about her that are too me, very special. If she does not want college, but she actively pursues her talents I am fine with that. She wants a real family, and the way she talks to me completely entraps my heart.

So hopefully all ends well years down the road lol. My buddy keeps telling me not to stress over the little things.

 

[Mt-momma]

I agree with the above. College isn't that important. I hated it. I'm a "home maker" or whatever that term is now. I read to my kids daily, do crafts, puzzles, etc. I didn't need college to be a nurturing mom and a good wife.
That being said, I had a passion for candles and self taught myself how to make them. It's been 7 years since I made my first one, but now I own a successful candle making company and I work from home. All my business knowledge is self taught and it's a sole prop biz and I file my own taxes. Never went into debt for any part of my biz either. Built it from the ground up and reinvested the profit to grow. Guess i'm saying that because I was passionate about it, I took the initiative to learn, but it didn't mean sitting in a classroom.

People learn differently and if college just isn't her scene, so be it. Go for it man, she sounds like a great girl

 

[Georgia]

Money isn't everything. People who focus too much on money split up. What is the financial aspect...like the #1 or #2 reason people divorce? You can't put money ahead of the person...put your relationship first.

 

[stevenmd]

If I end up making at least 70K a year I would prefer my wife stay at home. But I want her to still be moving forward, and I would not tell her NOT to work. I would be fine with that because it would create more security for us.


Thanks for everyone's advice. I am very old school for someone my age because I would prefer to have my wife stay home and home school my kids. But I know thats not likely with the future as it is and know a wife who can get a good job is very important to ensure our children have all they need.

I am going forward with the relationship because this girl is something special. Maybe I been out of dating for too long, maybe I am soft, but she has so many things about her that are too me, very special. If she does not want college, but she actively pursues her talents I am fine with that. She wants a real family, and the way she talks to me completely entraps my heart.

So hopefully all ends well years down the road lol. My buddy keeps telling me not to stress over the little things.

You found a rare one that entraps your heart. 'Nuff said.

I agree with the above. College isn't that important. I hated it. I'm a "home maker" or whatever that term is now. I read to my kids daily, do crafts, puzzles, etc. I didn't need college to be a nurturing mom and a good wife.
That being said, I had a passion for candles and self taught myself how to make them. It's been 7 years since I made my first one, but now I own a successful candle making company and I work from home. All my business knowledge is self taught and it's a sole prop biz and I file my own taxes. Never went into debt for any part of my biz either. Built it from the ground up and reinvested the profit to grow. Guess i'm saying that because I was passionate about it, I took the initiative to learn, but it didn't mean sitting in a classroom.

People learn differently and if college just isn't her scene, so be it. Go for it man, she sounds like a great girl

Wow, mad respect!

 

[Mt-momma]

Also, when I was growing up, my dad always told me he didn't care what I wanted to "be" as long as I was a good person. I think there are not enough truly good people left in this world. If you've found one, hold on with all you've got.

 

[gymrat827]

education is different for everyone. your and her ideals are most likely very different. But if you like her, could see youself loving and procreating with her what is the big problem?

you already said she is a great writier, has artistic talent.... whats the issue??

college isnt for everyone. so why force it down their throats?? shes not a drug addict, she has job.....

think your making this a bigger deal than it is.....IMO

 

[Mrs P]

I am fine with that sexist comment... however, men who think this way make me laugh. In most areas the cost of living is so high that both parents have to work. SO, if we are going with the old ways the man should work 2 jobs so the woman can stay home to do her "womanly duties". My ex expected me to do alllll the child rearing (not like that sickos), keep the home clean, cook, laundry etc, AND go to a full time job. I think that is just laziness and hypocritical. I am down for the whole woman/man's job things, but I am not down to do both IF I am in a relationship with a "man" that thinks that way.

I get your point Sassy, marriage is about having a partnership. I worked outside the home for 9 years after I got married, When I had my first child & had to leave her with a babysitter to go to work, I hated it !
Eventhough I worked 8 hours I still felt I wanted to keep the house clean, cook, etc after my 8 hour job... It was my choice & made me feel good. (eventhough my husband did help with the household chores)
I come from a very traditional household, my dad held 2 jobs to support our family of 10 (7 kids, mom, dad & grandma)
While my mom satyed home & raised us.
I am for ever thankful of their sacrifices.

What I'm trying to say is, eventhough I held my job, I still wanted to do the traditional things at home but because I chose to.

I agree with the above. College isn't that important. I hated it. I'm a "home maker" or whatever that term is now. I read to my kids daily, do crafts, puzzles, etc. I didn't need college to be a nurturing mom and a good wife.
That being said, I had a passion for candles and self taught myself how to make them. It's been 7 years since I made my first one, but now I own a successful candle making company and I work from home. All my business knowledge is self taught and it's a sole prop biz and I file my own taxes. Never went into debt for any part of my biz either. Built it from the ground up and reinvested the profit to grow. Guess i'm saying that because I was passionate about it, I took the initiative to learn, but it didn't mean sitting in a classroom.

People learn differently and if college just isn't her scene, so be it. Go for it man, she sounds like a great girl

That's great Mt, glad your business is doing good
I agree too that college doesn't define success or happiness in one's life.

I come from a very traditional family, my dad held 2 jobs to support our huge family of 10 (7 kids, parents & grandmother) while my mom stayed home & raised us. He always told me to do whatever made me happy & being a home maker/stay at home mom or how ever it's called now days is what I wanted to do.
I've been a stay at home mom for 6 years now, I loved that I was able to homeschool my daughter for 2 years, I wouldn't had been able to do this if I was working.

I love to be able to take my kids to school & love being there to take them home when they get out, love helping them with homework, helping them with projects, doing crafts, playing with them, etc.

I think women that chose to be stay at home moms deserve lot's of credit, & so do the one's that chose or have to hold a career.
I will push my daughters to get an education of course, but if they decide they want to stay home as long as they are happy, I'll support them.