Dating

[Smilee21]

Question for the ladies...

It's been about 1.5 yrs since my ex and I split up after 11yrs of being together. Before that I have always had a BF since I was a Freshman in High School.

I am finally starting to want to date again and I have no clue what to do.

I have a lot of male friends that I hang out with, it's weird BC if a take certain qualities/characteristics from them all. They are the perfect BF (except there is no sex involved) lol.

I spend a majority of my time either at work, the gym, Coffee shops, Bookstores, and at the Tattoo shop.

I get approached all the time by individuals at the gym and I do find some of the men good looking however I don't know if I could ever date a fellow gym member due to the fact that if it didn't work out, I will still have to see them Day in and Day out.

In the past, I have dated men that didn't live in the same city as me. It seemed to work out BC we still had our space and I didn't feel like I was getting smoothered. I don't like Clingy individuals...

Do you have any suggestions on what I should do? I have tried the Online dating thing once...but it creeps me out a bit not knowing who is really on the other end of the computer screen. LOL

 

[Mt-momma]

I don't have much advice except the point you made about not dating someone in the gym. Don't let the "what ifs" stand in the way of something potentially special. I dated a guy once that has kids and I got really attached to his kids, but it just didn't work out between us. I swore I would never date anyone who had kids. Fast forward and I met this amazing guy. I learned he had a daughter, but I really, really liked the guy. I said to hell with my rule and we went out. We've been married for 7 years and "his" daughter calls me mom. Now we have two more girls together and I can't imagine my life any different or any happier.

If you did decide to date someone in the gym, at least you have something in common from the start. Start slow and don't worry about the: What if we break up??....you're dooming the relationship from the start with that mind set.
Good luck and be yourself. Enjoy it and take it slow

 

[Smilee21]

I don't have much advice except the point you made about not dating someone in the gym. Don't let the "what ifs" stand in the way of something potentially special. I dated a guy once that has kids and I got really attached to his kids, but it just didn't work out between us. I swore I would never date anyone who had kids. Fast forward and I met this amazing guy. I learned he had a daughter, but I really, really liked the guy. I said to hell with my rule and we went out. We've been married for 7 years and "his" daughter calls me mom. Now we have two more girls together and I can't imagine my life any different or any happier.

If you did decide to date someone in the gym, at least you have something in common from the start. Start slow and don't worry about the: What if we break up??....you're dooming the relationship from the start with that mind set.
Good luck and be yourself. Enjoy it and take it slow

Very true... I am an Aries and analyze things, sometimes I tend to over analyze and it restricts me from moving forward.

From past experiences where I have had relationships with ppl from the gym... years ago. One with a Trainer (wasn't my trainer) and then just another regular who became my friend.

I am still really good friends with the guy that was a Regular and things didn't end well with the Trainer. It made it uncomfortable to keep training at my old gym while the trainer was there. When things got weird, they were really weird, especially since her and I shared all the same friends.

One reason it has taken me this long to actually want to start dating is BC I am still learning to let go of my past and just live in the present and let my future just be... where ever my cards may lie. I know it's all trail and error, there will be ppl that I will like and some I won't like. It's just a little scary since I haven't done it in so many years. LOL

I just know I am ready to share my love with another person.

 

[Smilee21]

One thing I will say... Is that I really do have a thing for older gentlemen. Not to old but in the 6-12 yr range. Especially when they are grounded and head strong. They know what they want and go after it.

 

[stevenmd]

Well I'm not a lady and only a gentleman on occasion... but I'll chime in anyway. I agree with Mt-momma. From a guy's perspective, if I met someone at the gym, that would be a plus. I have a certain lifestyle and I know they would fit in to that lifestyle. And if it didn't work out, just be adult about having to see them. Or just use the fact that you hate their face as motivation to pound out those extra last few reps!

 

[Smilee21]

Well I'm not a lady and only a gentleman on occasion... but I'll chime in anyway. I agree with Mt-momma. From a guy's perspective, if I met someone at the gym, that would be a plus. I have a certain lifestyle and I know they would fit in to that lifestyle. And if it didn't work out, just be adult about having to see them. Or just use the fact that you hate their face as motivation to pound out those extra last few reps!

Good advice... I will definitely listen to it.

 

[Rollergirl]

Not to hijack your thread...but I have a question for advice...
How does a fit, decent looking unapproachable girl like myself approach a fit, hot guy that is also unapproachable? (at the gym) We both totally stare at each other.. but neither of us will make a move. I think we are scared of each other! lol

 

[Smilee21]

Not to hijack your thread...but I have a question for advice...
How does a fit, decent looking unapproachable girl like myself approach a fit, hot guy that is also unapproachable? (at the gym) We both totally stare at each other.. but neither of us will make a move. I think we are scared of each other! lol

Lol... I have totally been in your place, for months this guy and I would glance in one another's direction and our eyes met so many times and then we would both look away immediately after. This went on from Sep to Jan. Then one day my girls I trained with daily were unable to make it to the gym and I was training solo and so was he. We walked past eachother and said to eachother "solo tonight huh" I quietly replied yes looks like it. He asked me if I wanted to do abs with him. I said sure why not. It was hard at first BC we both were flirting with eachother; I hadn't laughed so hard attempting to do his Ab workouts ever, it felts almost like a first date, awkward, I was nervous as hell, and didn't want to make a fool out of myself, for not performing the exercises correctly, but he was a great help and corrected me when my form wasn't correct and was very cool, calm, and collected. Needless to say he's now my training partner

He is awesome... You just have to take a chance and see. It's just sparking up a convo, obviously you 2 both have something in common, your both at the gym training. Ask him a question or compliment him on his form, I'm not afraid to go up to someone I am interested in, I Am just shy so it just takes me a little while to do it. Lol

 

[Rollergirl]

omg, i know, it just drives me crazy. We are most of the time just feet away from each other. I am constantly thinking "what the Hell could I say to him"! I will figure it out one of these weeks. At least I know his patterns. lol

Is it rude to just ask..Can I touch your delt? LMAO.

 

[Rollergirl]

I am very shy too, and I come off as looking like a bitch, instead of shy. So I think a lot of people are scared of me. I just need to smile more

 

[Smilee21]

omg, i know, it just drives me crazy. We are most of the time just feet away from each other. I am constantly thinking "what the Hell could I say to him"! I will figure it out one of these weeks. At least I know his patterns. lol

Is it rude to just ask..Can I touch your delt? LMAO.

Lol... Girl once you figure out how you will approach him things will be that much easier, if you think he has nice delts, i dont see why you couldnt let him know. Please keep me posted, and good luck

All I know is, it doesn't hurt to try. I am so trying to get away from the "What if" and just live. Life is too short not to live

 

[Smilee21]

I am very shy too, and I come off as looking like a bitch, instead of shy. So I think a lot of people are scared of me. I just need to smile more

Yes... I totally understand
Haha they thought the same thing with me all through high school and just up until last year. Hence the nick name Smilee lol

I had girls approach me wanting to beat me up BC supposedly I was looking at them all crazy and thought I was better than them.

I am just very quiet and shy around ppl I don't know, and i am a dreamer... I get deep in thought and I don't know what type of facial expression I have but it makes some ladies crazy lol especially when their men had crushes on me.

 

[tnemo]

omg, i know, it just drives me crazy. We are most of the time just feet away from each other. I am constantly thinking "what the Hell could I say to him"! I will figure it out one of these weeks. At least I know his patterns. lol

Is it rude to just ask..Can I touch your delt? LMAO.

Rollergirl,
All you have to do is say Hi, and then ask him if he would work out with you. Tell him your thinking about changing your routine and you would like his input. I guarantee he will stop what he's doing and workout with you! then accidentally touch his Delt

 

[Mt-momma]

Rollergirl-
You could just walk up to him, say hi and ask to work in a set with him of whatever he's doing. Good opener. If he's receptive, could be the start of a good thing. If he's a jerk, at least you know.
I'm not all that shy, but my husband is. I was the one who asked him out. I will say that it was at his place if work, so it would have been unprofessional for him to approach a customer about a date (still, he's shy). It worked out wonderful and we wouldn't be where we are now if I hadn't made the first step.
Many men are indimidated by strong women, but I think some of that goes out the window when the guy is training hard too. It moves from intimidation to respect (guys chime in if I'm wrong) and it's awesome to have someone that knows what it takes to get whetr you are in your training.
Go for it!

 

[DaHurt]

Rollergirl - You could also just compliment his progress in the gym - just tell him you've noticed how hard he's been working and that he's making great improvements.

I've had quite a few girls tell me this and it is never weird at all - even though I can obviously tell they're trying to break the ice - but it doesn't matter. You KNOW he wants you to talk to him.

What's interesting though is why he hasn't sacked up and said anything to you first.

 

[Rollergirl]

Lol. Thanks. Good times at the gym

 

[Smilee21]

Because a lot of the serious guys are way into themselves! lol

I have noticed some are way to cocky. But after a while they come around and are not too bad of guys. They just take a while to open up to you. This one guy would just look at me from afar and not say one word to me. He now converses with me and wants me to do deadlifts and other exercises with him.

 

[Smilee21]

lol, yeah I'm thinking they are more afraid of us serious workout ladies than we are of them.

I agree with you 100%... I am in there to Train and I train pretty hard for a female. I can lift heavier than some of the men in there. They are curious to see how strong I really am, I think that's why all of the sudden they are asking me to join in with them. There are only a few of us Females that Train and spend a majority of our time in the Free Weight area. The rest mainly stay in the cardio area.

You can visibly see the difference (in body composition) between females who body builds to the ones who only do Cardio.

 

[stevenmd]

Because a lot of the serious guys are way into themselves! lol

I have noticed some are way to cocky. But after a while they come around and are not too bad of guys. They just take a while to open up to you. This one guy would just look at me from afar and not say one word to me. He now converses with me and wants me to do deadlifts and other exercises with him.

lol, yeah I'm thinking they are more afraid of us serious workout ladies than we are of them.

Ladies, ladies, ladies... some of us were taught to respect women. I would never approach a woman unless there was some sort of eye contact or smile to give me the go ahead. I'm not shy, I'll usually say what's on my mind - Smilee can vouch for that - but, for me, it's all about respecting one's space at the gym. If I don't see the signs, I'm not going to do anything more than say "Hi".

 

[Smilee21]

Ladies, ladies, ladies... some of us were taught to respect women. I would never approach a woman unless there was some sort of eye contact or smile to give me the go ahead. I'm not shy, I'll usually say what's on my mind - Smilee can vouch for that - but, for me, it's all about respecting one's space at the gym. If I don't see the signs, I'm not going to do anything more than say "Hi".

I am glad there are individuals that DO Respect us women. It Rare to find these days- IMO of course.

Yes, eye contact and smiles are obvious signs that it might just be ok to approach. I am shy at times but the shyness fades quickly and then I say what's on my mind also... it's quite difficult to be good when in my head I am thinking ALL Bad... LOL

I don't mind men approaching me as long as their not interrupting my Sets... (I'm there to train lol) not get a date.