having issues with my wife

[Just 15898]

What the fuck is with all these guys not getting pussy? True, I put up with it on the VERY rare occassion, but not for long.

I have lived abroad for almost 10 years, so I will be coming from an outside perspective here (perhaps)...but where have all the western MEN gone?

Women withholding sex is usually a control issue, not even a sex issue. When a woman is pleasant and cooperative, and loves you, she will do almost anything to satisfy you.

If she isn't, she has trapped you, tricked you out (eg. pussy for relationship status), gotten selfish, is trying to dominate you, or something else is wrong in your relationship.

I think I know my own personality and the nature of women to the extent that I have some rules in place.

If a woman enters into a relationship with me she has to agree to a "sex on demand" stipulation. This means we are each others fuck toys; and there is no right to refusal.

It's a reverse onus thing.

Now if she refuses, she is in the wrong and sooner, rather than later, I will terminate the relationship. Full stop. And it was all laid out from the beginning.

BUT, then there is the whole "with power comes responsibility" thing. So, for example, if I am just an inconsiderate cunt and am fucking her on the morning of her fathers funeral...we know she we will leave me. Either then or later.

In any case, "sex on demand" is a very black and white rule...and we know when it's been violated. This "waiting around til she's in the mood" stuff is nonsense.

Women will do whatever the fuck they want (as they are moody little things), but become "in the mood" when things are at their breaking point. Then they will give you a taste/the best sex of your life; and then REPEAT the shitty little cycle of . And on you go...

Also, if my woman is holding out, I will deadline her. I will literally tell her, "I'm in need and you've been putting me off for X reason, but I've had enough. If you don't fuck me good by 5pm Friday I will go fuck a whore..."

If it sounds extreme...that is great. I think it is extreme that a woman pulls me into a relationship under the understanding that she will sex me up good...and then fucks me off. As far as I'm concerned she broke the agreement first.

And if it hits that deadline I will do it. If the relationship fails...it would have anyways. Or I consider it a failed relationship because I am being dominated...and i will suck up the pain and be done with it.

Just as likely, even if you go bang your whore, she will accept it. And not make the same mistake again. If she doesn't accept it, then time to move on.

Western men have been so severely beaten down; and it is beyond logic. I'm sure there are some fantastic and fit looking guys here. But as tough as their bodies are I think they need to develop some mental toughness.

Most women think they are giving you a great deal when they offer/agree to be your girlfriend. They think that you are "+1' (i.e. with them being the "1").

In fact, I explain to women that if I am to be with them I will be "-4/5"; because that is how many women I will lose (dating-wise) from being with only them. So I have very high expectations...

Now some men will say, "well I have kids; it's not so simple". Well, it is, but perhaps that's for another post...

Alan

can I respectfully say that your attitude is the reason moody women become Lorena Bobbitts?

Please stay abroad... Every word pouring from your mouth would quickly ensure every western woman with a backbone would turn and walk away regardless of whether or not you are decent sex material. Your personality leaves alot to be desired.

Thank goodness I have I already found as close to perfection as I can get with the man in my life. He is a happy camper and not at all whipped or "beaten down".

I would like to be in the same room with you and the guys on this forum when you ask in person "where all the MEN are"? I am sure you would find out...

As for anyone having problems with their significant other, HONEST communication without insults goes a long way. Sometimes though, you have to consider that the relationship may have already gone full circle. People change their attitudes and bucket lists as they get older. The person I was with in my 20's, I could not be with now. We grew in entirely different directions. That is not a bad thing. You break up. You go through a healing process, and you may find that the best thing in life is being single, or (in my case) just around the next corner (Thank Goodness for Matt W).

 

[AlanLat]

can I respectfully say that your attitude is the reason moody women become Lorena Bobbitts?

I don't understand this at all. Please explain.

Please stay abroad... Every word pouring from your mouth would quickly ensure every western woman with a backbone would turn and walk away regardless of whether or not you are decent sex material. Your personality leaves alot to be desired.

You would be surprised at what kind of woman (western and otherwise) I attract. Fun, pleasant, cooperative, intelligent, cute, quirky, etc.

The rest can walk; no loss for me.

I would like to be in the same room with you and the guys on this forum when you ask in person "where all the MEN are"? I am sure you would find out...

I would really love to know what this means.

 

[CHIP WADOWSKI]

WELCOME ABOARD ALLISON. YOU SEEM RELATIVELY NEW BASED ON YOUR NUMBER OF POSTS. IT'S NEAT TO GET A WOMAN TO CHIME IN HERE. THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THIS THREAD IS THAT WOMEN, IN GENERAL, ARE NOT MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY "WIRED" LIKE WOMEN OF PREVIOUS GENERATIONS. LIKE MY MOTHER (MAY SHE REST IN PEACE), FOR INSTANCE. WOMEN NOWADAYS, NOT EVERY ONE, BUT THE VERY GOOD MAJORITY, ARE FUCKING EVIL! AND YES, I HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE UNFORTUNATE GUYS THAT KEEP ON CHOOSING THE SAME TYPE OF WOMAN, TIME AFTER TIME. BUT TO SAY THAT IT IS GUYS LIKE THIS THAT TURN THEM INTO "BOBBITS" I THINK IS ONLY HALF TRUE. YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT OF DICKHEADS OUT THERE THAT TREAT THEIR GIRL LIKE SHIT AND I'M SURE THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR "JADING" QUITE A FEW WOMEN THAT COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD ONES. BUT...... THERE IS ALSO THE FLIP SIDE OF THE COIN... THE EVIL, RUTHLESS, CRUEL, SELF-ABSORBED BITCHES THAT PLAY YOU SO HARD THAT YOU HAVE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CRUMBLE OR TO "MAN UP". I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS AND DAYS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND IT WILL JUST PISS ME OFF MORE AND MORE. BUT I'M JUST SICK OF THE GUY ALWAYS GETTING THE BAD WRAP. YOU GUYS KNOW WHY I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A TON OF GREAT GUYS OUT THERE....
BECAUSE ALMOST EVERY SINGLE CLIENT THAT I TAKE ON WANTS TO SEEK THERAPY SO THEY CAN BETTER PLEASE THEIR PARTNER. NO BULLSHIT. IF I HAD TO MAKE A LIST OF THE TOP FIVE REASONS THAT MEN COME TO MAXIMUS Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), THE HANDS DOWN, NUMBER ONE REASON WOULD BE TO BETTER PLEASE THEIR PARTNER.

BUT ANYWAY, ITS GOOD TO HAVE YOU ON THE BOARD AND ITS NICE TO HEAR THE YOU ARE IN A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU REALLY LOVE. DON'T EVER TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. ITS NOT EVERYDAY THAT IT COMES ALONG!

 

[AlanLat]

BUT TO SAY THAT IT IS GUYS LIKE THIS THAT TURN THEM INTO "BOBBITS"

Actually, I was going to wait to touch on this, but since you raised it...

The fact that a woman can actually state such a vile thing without any backlash shows how sick western society is.

A man absolutely would never get away with saying something like, "It's because of women like you that frustrated men become "south side rapists."

It's just ignorant and uncalled for. It's as if there is some sort of suggestion that sexual violence is ok, but presumably only if it is directed at men

And the other parts of her post?

Please stay abroad...

Just plain catty.

Every word pouring from your mouth would quickly ensure every western woman with a backbone would turn and walk away regardless of whether or not you are decent sex material.

Highly personal, assuming, and incorrect.

It's true that complete bitches run from me. Because they know they can't game me. Women who believe in fair play and honesty love me. Because they know exactly where I stand and that I can keep OUR shit tight.

[Most women who really know themselves know they have a tendency to get flaky...and actually like a man with some inner strength and boundaries].

I would probably also very much disagree with her interpretation of "backbone", and especially how it relates to western women nowadays.

Your personality leaves alot to be desired.

This is just ignorance. I could say the exact same about/to her...but why bother? I would prefer to debate points, rather than slander people.

I would like to be in the same room with you and the guys on this forum when you ask in person "where all the MEN are"? I am sure you would find out...

And this?

It sounds like some lame threat. Really, will she debate me? *scared*

Will she truck in men to "teach me a lesson?" [A favorite female ploy to punk out men and pit them against each other].

Or is she suggesting that she will physically do something to me?

[Wrong guy; if you think you can give it, you better be able to take it...]

In short, I'm not impressed with the "quality" of Allison's points, or how she presented them, in the least; although I will say that she fairly represented your stereotypical western female...

Again, in a nutshell, I stated that I won't enter into a relationship with a woman unless she agrees to a "clause" that states that "sex on demand" is the defacto starting point. And that goes BOTH WAYS.

Now if anyone has a problem with the substance of that they can touch on it. I'd be more than happy to answer to it.

Alan
ps. The more your average woman hates and scorns you, the closer you are to actually being a man who still has some balls left

 

[TR90125]

AlanLat,

Simply stated, I agree with everything you said. The delivery may have been harsh, but that's life sometimes.

To me it's a simple as Quid Pro Quo

Most of the women I have been with, my wife included, always made it known, whether directly or indirectly, that if I was not faithful the relationship ends. To which I would let it be known that if there is ever an attempt to withhold sex for whatever reason or refuse sex without just cause, the relationship ends.

Quid Pro Quo

Seems fair, right?

 

[JKB]

^^ True Dat! BTW very entertaining thread

 

[Just 15898]

WELCOME ABOARD ALLISON. YOU SEEM RELATIVELY NEW BASED ON YOUR NUMBER OF POSTS. IT'S NEAT TO GET A WOMAN TO CHIME IN HERE. THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THIS THREAD IS THAT WOMEN, IN GENERAL, ARE NOT MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY "WIRED" LIKE WOMEN OF PREVIOUS GENERATIONS. LIKE MY MOTHER (MAY SHE REST IN PEACE), FOR INSTANCE. WOMEN NOWADAYS, NOT EVERY ONE, BUT THE VERY GOOD MAJORITY, ARE FUCKING EVIL! AND YES, I HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE UNFORTUNATE GUYS THAT KEEP ON CHOOSING THE SAME TYPE OF WOMAN, TIME AFTER TIME. BUT TO SAY THAT IT IS GUYS LIKE THIS THAT TURN THEM INTO "BOBBITS" I THINK IS ONLY HALF TRUE. YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT OF DICKHEADS OUT THERE THAT TREAT THEIR GIRL LIKE SHIT AND I'M SURE THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR "JADING" QUITE A FEW WOMEN THAT COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD ONES. BUT...... THERE IS ALSO THE FLIP SIDE OF THE COIN... THE EVIL, RUTHLESS, CRUEL, SELF-ABSORBED BITCHES THAT PLAY YOU SO HARD THAT YOU HAVE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CRUMBLE OR TO "MAN UP". I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS AND DAYS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND IT WILL JUST PISS ME OFF MORE AND MORE. BUT I'M JUST SICK OF THE GUY ALWAYS GETTING THE BAD WRAP. YOU GUYS KNOW WHY I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A TON OF GREAT GUYS OUT THERE....
BECAUSE ALMOST EVERY SINGLE CLIENT THAT I TAKE ON WANTS TO SEEK THERAPY SO THEY CAN BETTER PLEASE THEIR PARTNER. NO BULLSHIT. IF I HAD TO MAKE A LIST OF THE TOP FIVE REASONS THAT MEN COME TO MAXIMUS Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), THE HANDS DOWN, NUMBER ONE REASON WOULD BE TO BETTER PLEASE THEIR PARTNER.

BUT ANYWAY, ITS GOOD TO HAVE YOU ON THE BOARD AND ITS NICE TO HEAR THE YOU ARE IN A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU REALLY LOVE. DON'T EVER TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. ITS NOT EVERYDAY THAT IT COMES ALONG!

It can definitely go both ways. You are correct in the fact that women can be absolutely evil. Taught a Barbie Princess mentality at a young age and then onto sex being a weapon, the entire relationship factor is a game to them. Likewise, there are evil men in the world that prey on weak women and use sex as a way to control and keep them in their place. The world can be cruel.

I sat with my partner in the hospital for days as they worked to regulate his heart. He was lucky, which means I am lucky to have him with me still. I take nothing for granted when it comes to our relationship. I have never used sex as a weapon with him, but then it never occurred to me to do that. Can I be bitchy and hold my own? There is no doubt, but blackmail is also not going to take a relationship very far.

There has to be mutual respect on both sides. What if there is a medical condition that ends sex for one partner or the other for awhile? I wouldn't cheat or disrespect my partner by allowing another man to touch me just because I have a need to get off. Blackmail or disrespect by either party means communication has failed and that maybe the relationship has ended anyway.

I make analogies that may seem "far out there" to make a point. Would I actually cheer a woman such as Bobbitt? Probably only if she were going after men such as Sandusky but that is an entirely different thread to rant in.

Obviously men are going to have strong opinions because they are wired differently. It's all good...

 

[TR90125]

If I may add just a couple thoughts regarding recent exchanges in this thread. I think Alan is simply saying it is good to have a specific expectation regarding the role of sex in a relationship which is also associated with specific consequences. This expectation can either be clearly stated or implied. Alan, forgive me if I am misinterpreting the root meaning of your posts, but I think some of your message has gone lost based on how you delivered the message. I agree with what you have said however, it was written in a rather inflammatory manner. Additionally, whether Alan is right or wrong, it would be highly unlikely for any female to respond in support of his position. I would like to emphasize that, as it relates to this topic, any female opposition to a specific approach or strategy, only serves to increase the validity of that particular approach for me personally.

Look at it this way, if any of us were to discover the secret formula for Coke, do you actually think anyone at Coca-Cola would confirm it? Or would you expect them to vehemently deny it? I'm guessing they would deny it to their death. Any approach that advocates "manning up" to use a cliche and simply not tolerating sexual manipulation or withholding for any reason will not garner much support from the fairer sex. Why would it? In the spirit of Alan's posts, the bottom line is if you are in a relationship that involves issues with frequency or withholding, you shouldn't tolerate it.

I would also like to add that most relationships have some level of disparity in desired frequency, while other relationships have an unhealthy level of sex being withheld and I think there is a big difference. Not every dude in the world is a sex crazed, self centered douchebag. Some of them may actually be pretty good guys that for some fucked up reason thought being in a committed relationship would involve getting laid more often than a Kohoutek Comet sighting.

Alan, again, if I have misinterpreted the overall message you were trying to deliver, I apologize. I firmly believe that no man should tolerate certain sex related issues any more or less than a woman would tolerate infidelity. I am not an expert and cannot provide the best course of action, but I am confident that inaction is not a viable strategy.

Last, but not least, I am on this forum a lot as it is a source for a ton of awesome information. I respectfully request to all that we refrain from personal attacks and name calling. We should all be better than that.

 

[AlanLat]

If I may add just a couple thoughts regarding recent exchanges in this thread. I think Alan is simply saying it is good to have a specific expectation regarding the role of sex in a relationship which is also associated with specific consequences. This expectation can either be clearly stated or implied. Alan, forgive me if I am misinterpreting the root meaning of your posts, but I think some of your message has gone lost based on how you delivered the message. I agree with what you have said however, it was written in a rather inflammatory manner. Additionally, whether Alan is right or wrong, it would be highly unlikely for any female to respond in support of his position. I would like to emphasize that, as it relates to this topic, any female opposition to a specific approach or strategy, only serves to increase the validity of that particular approach for me personally.

Look at it this way, if any of us were to discover the secret formula for Coke, do you actually think anyone at Coca-Cola would confirm it? Or would you expect them to vehemently deny it? I'm guessing they would deny it to their death. Any approach that advocates "manning up" to use a cliche and simply not tolerating sexual manipulation or withholding for any reason will not garner much support from the fairer sex. Why would it? In the spirit of Alan's posts, the bottom line is if you are in a relationship that involves issues with frequency or withholding, you shouldn't tolerate it.

I would also like to add that most relationships have some level of disparity in desired frequency, while other relationships have an unhealthy level of sex being withheld and I think there is a big difference. Not every dude in the world is a sex crazed, self centered douchebag. Some of them may actually be pretty good guys that for some fucked up reason thought being in a committed relationship would involve getting laid more often than a Kohoutek Comet sighting.

Alan, again, if I have misinterpreted the overall message you were trying to deliver, I apoligize. I firmly believe that no man should tolerate certain sex related issues any more or less than a woman would tolerate infidelity. I am not an expert and cannot provide the best course of action, but I am confident that inaction is not a viable strategy.

Last, but not least, I am on this forum a lot as it is a source for a ton of awesome information. I respectfully request to all that we refrain from personal attacks and name calling. We should all be better than that.

To keep it short; excellent post. You have my position and rationale down pat.

And attacking people is not my style...but I must say; Matt W., it looks like you are the whiner.

You have directed two heated posts at me so far, but provided nothing of substance or value.

I didn't ask for help with women on this thread, have no problems in that department, and don't need to control them.

I do need firm boundaries in my relationships, however, an always hook up with women who are keen to play ball.

Do you have some sort of issue with pleasant and cooperative women...and men who appreciate them...or what is your real issue here?

Your friend,
Alan

 

[TR90125]

Bro I hear you... I'm just saying... for a man to have un-natural hardons 15x a day and expect a woman to just drop and suck and fuck whenever the wind blows on his cock is ridiculous. I have run 1.5G's of test for 20 weeks and was like a diamond cutter 12 hrs a day... seriously. My wonderful girlfriend obliged as much as possible, but after 5-7 15-30 mins fuck sessions a day, her pussy gets raw and she is in pain... I want her to enjoy serving me and likewise... not lay and bear through it.

If you are a sexual Tyrannosaurus without un-natural chemicals... the argument might be valid... but as the boners are artificial... go jerk off and shut the fuck up... you are a whiner. (to AlanLat)

That's fine. I guess I didn't draw the same interpretation from Alan's posts as you did.

Would you mind if I ask if you have had any sexual dysfunction or withholding issues in your current relationship? Other than doing it too much? What about previous relationships?

How did you work through those issues and get to a level where you were on the same page?


Also, my request to refrain from name calling and other personal attacks is based on this...

I am on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) therapy, we are in the Testosterone Replacement Therapy Forum. Since my first day on this forum I have enjoyed an enviroment where I could ask questions and share information with others who have been on or are experienced in Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) without worrying about certain behaviors. This forum and the environment of this forum is important to me and many others.

I will take this opportunity to apologize if any of my responses or threads were found offensive in this or any other forum.

 

[TR90125]

None taken. For those of us who have been on the receiving end of this particular issue, as raised by the OP, it's no joke.

Since you indicated you have never really had this issue, or a "withholding" issue, do you have any thoughts on why? If you feel there's something about your personality or how you manage relationships that leads to a healthy sexual relationship, it may be of value to some of those watching this thread and I would encourage you to share your thoughts.

 

[AlanLat]

^

I am more or less with Matt, but of course I have experienced withholding issues.

I think it is almost impossible to not, however, and any man who has not experienced it probably is simply suffering from a lack of female experience.

And this is not to be derogatory, so let me explain.

Roughly speaking, my relationships have been 1.5 years, 3 years, 10 years, and 1.5 years. This not including lesser stretches, for the sake of simplicity. I've also had gfs or wives (1) of different races, ethnicities, and in different countries. Or even the same women across 3 different countries...plus stepkids, biological kids between us, etc.

Now there is no way that a man who has a wide cross-section of experiences over a long duration of time...will have not experienced withholding/incompatabities in desire/output. I can't believe it...except in all but the absolute rarest cases.

And I very much agree with the statement that dating establishes a footprint for the rest of the relationship. But people still change.

And, to put it simply, my sex on demand clause is not included because I have any fairy notion that it will make much of a difference when the shit really hits the fan. Because when a woman doesn't want to fuck you...she won't. And there will be sparks. But their won't be an endless debate about who breached the terms; which is what about 90% of all arguments are concentrated on. But on a solution.

My "clause" is also a "get-out-of jail" card for any woman being in a relationship with me. Vilating this clause is like a kill-switch for them when THEY want to end it. It cuts down on loads of stress and manipulations and the slow death that many relationships go through. In this way...it mostly favors the woman.

This clause, in essence is not a litmus test fot sexual receptivity of the female...but more of test for wilfulness. And, as I mentioned, I get very cute, pleasant, and agreeable woman.

And I don't put unreasonable sexual demands on them (as, in my opinion, some other posters do/have. And (like most rules/laws) the invocation of the clause is a last measure to sort of disagreements; not a first...

In any case, I can't really believe there are many men who have some real life experience under their belt who haven't faced the exact situation we're talking about...

Cheers,
Alan. PS. Thank you for the PM's; I can't reply to them yet...(due to my postcount) but appreciate them and will say hi when I'm up to weight.

 

[jamesl0822]

Ok so we (the wife and I) had a similar issue at my house and I just laid it out for her. I need x amount of sex and you are only giving y amount. I let her know that I love my family but I was unwilling to let my children grow up with a father who was cheating on their mother. So she had to get it together or I'm out. This was after two years of 2-3 times a month if I was lucky. She let me know that she wanted it to change as well.
We tried PT-141 and cialis but welbutrin 150 mg did the trick. She just went to the dr and told him that she wanted to try it for her libido and bingo she ready to go. I highly recommend it bro .... saved my marriage. Oh and one of the side effects of welbutrin is weightloss

 

[Illtemper]

well to post up about progress in my situation, some of you guys have had great advise that helped and other have said stuff i could not say to my wife.. Its been a few weeks since i started this thread and after having the "TALK" with her things have been A WHOLE lot better. I think it actually might of sunk into her head about my feelings, needs and affection.. We have not tried cialis yet but soon we will..
Im thinking my wife being on the type of birth control she is taking might have something to do with the issue. My wife finally asked her doc if it could be and yes it is a possibilty.. So we are dealing with that and since we do not want anymore children i might have to get the boys snipped so she can go off of the birth control all together...
she is also seeing an Endo but personally i dont think she is worth a damn, as my wife didnt get the answers she was looking for.. To me it seems like these endos dont listen and then think they know everything and dont give answers to what people really wanna know, they just think people dont know what they are talking about... I gave my wife a list of question she should ask and get info on.. hormone levels, what the numbers were and my wife just kept saying the endo would just say she was in normal range and would not give her the numbers and what the range actually was... My wife is not very forceful so she wasnt gonna demand them, ya know...

Anyways having a talk payed of hugely for us in our marriage as of right now.. Will it stay like this or get better i sure hope so! I know part of the problem is insecurity on her part, no matter how beautiful i say she is or how attracted i still am to her after 16+years, the fact that her body changed after kids is what i come to find out is what really bothers her.. Although she hates working out so i dont know what to tell her. We were going to the gym together and we would workout together but her passion for fitness is not like mine. For me i dont understand how someone hates working out i get a total enjoyment out of it, always did.. we still have things to work on but for now things are good and thank you all for your posts and replys!

 

[TR90125]

I would strongly recommend getting a copy of The Sexually Confident Wife, by Shannon Etheridge.

Buy it and read it. If you like it, give it to your wife and ask her to read it.

It is a good book and it is written by a female who is a licensed counselor. There is an entire chapter on body image issues.

 

[Illtemper]

I would strongly recommend getting a copy of The Sexually Confident Wife, by Shannon Etheridge.

Buy it and read it. If you like it, give it to your wife and ask her to read it.

It is a good book and it is written by a female who is a licensed counselor. There is an entire chapter on body image issues.

SWEET BRO, ill check it out..
Thank you!!