Serious question for ology ladies...

[Detour5]

G'wan Jenner, tell it like it is!

Colt, it will have ups and downs. Some periods will be like you just met and others will be like what you're experiencing now and maybe worse. My friend went 15 months without sex with his fiancee after she had their second child. That is extreme, but that is when to start complaining in a long term relationship! Thing is if the rest of the relationship has things going for it, the lack of sex the way you want it may not seem so bad. If you were nothing but f*** buddies who ended up living together, when that department goes stale you have nothing else going for each other. Whoever you build a life with, make sure you've got more going for you than a good time in the sack because that isn't enough to build a relationship on.

 

[Mt-momma]

Hell yes Jenner! I'm so glad I married my best friend! Honestly though, we've been married 7 years and it just keeps getting better and more frequent. We plan for it and make time for each other. We each put the other one first. We have three kids and it may sound bad, but we put our marriage first FOR our kids. We feel that it's best for the kids to have an intact family with two really happy parents. So we make time for each other and make sure each other's needs and wants are met. My husband and I both come from split families with failed marriages. We wanted that to be different for our kids.

Sometimes we have to make exceptions. Sometimes I'm tired and sometimes he is too. That just makes the next time that much better and more fullfilling.

Honestly, if my husband had lofty expectations toward sex, I'd be resentful. It's so much more fun to relax about it, understand that life happens and move forward. He doesn't have to be romantic and get me flowers or any of that stuff. He gets up with the kids on the weekends and I get to sleep in . That means so much to me and I'm happy to stay up late with him the nights before and enjoy "us" time to its fullest!

 

[coltmc45]

Yes she truely is my best friend. Like I said our relationship is absolutely amazing. You ladies are right. I need to stop thinking about it so much and just let it happen. It's hard at times, my girl is absolutely stunning and I get turned on by just looking at her. She's always been that way since we met in 5th grade. I can honestly say I'm blessed with my "dream girl" not just in looks but personality, actions, everything. Yes we have little tifs here and there but we communicate very very good to each other. I'll stop worrying about it so much, read that book, and go from there. Thank you all very much.

 

[Smilee21]

well, to be honest...most likely less sex...just the way it is. You guys just don't get that besides the difference in sex drive (not always of course) that women's bodies do strange shit that we have no control over. So, my advice is...marry your best/good friend first, then worry about the sex....forever is a long damn time...better to spend it with someone you can laugh, cry, and just spend time with in complete comfort.

Love this...

 

[MeatHead96]

*Edit...I'm just going to keep my mouth shut here. You can't argue with women anyhow.

 

[hard2gain]

Ladies I think Colt didn't get his point of view across like he really meant it. I can tell how he feels because I'm in the same situation...

Imagine you have the love of your life and nothing or nobody turns you on more. Obviously you're gonna want to make moves on that person when you're in the mood. But night after night they turn you down for whatever reason not in the mood, too tired, or whatever. That person shutting you down 9 out of 10 times can be very discouraging. I'm telling you right now us men act all tough but we do have feelings and being shut down like that can really hurt them. It'll make us feel unwanted or not attractive enough. In the end it really bruises our ego which can hurt a relationship bad.

Now I would like to read that book DPR recommended maybe it'll give me a little better insight to the whole situation. But I'm just letting you guys know how it is from our point of view.

 

[MeatHead96]

You're right, it's depressing but the facts. I'm 44, I think I know how important men "think" sex is to them...lol

I would hope that if it were that much of an issue for you, you would just be a man and walk away. I would have to guess that it's not something the women are happy about either...feeling like they are not living up to their man's expectations in the bedroom, wondering what's wrong with them, is their man going to go somewhere else....just keep that in mind

Your right, I know it affects my girlfriend and I do believe she feels that way a lot. I don't expect her to live up to my expectations because they are too high. I do know that I love and care about her and would never cheat but yes I would walk if she stopped having sex for no reason. And it does affect us a lot too. Men base sex on a lot of things. The quality and quantity of sex we are getting often dictates in our mind how much of a man we are or how satisfied our woman is with us. This is the way a lot of us feel. When she doesn't want to have sex with me I feel as if I'm not desirable to her anymore. Thats just the way it is. Maybe it will be different when I get older, but I don't know.

 

[MeatHead96]

ladies i think colt didn't get his point of view across like he really meant it. I can tell how he feels because i'm in the same situation...

Imagine you have the love of your life and nothing or nobody turns you on more. Obviously you're gonna want to make moves on that person when you're in the mood. But night after night they turn you down for whatever reason not in the mood, too tired, or whatever. That person shutting you down 9 out of 10 times can be very discouraging. I'm telling you right now us men act all tough but we do have feelings and being shut down like that can really hurt them. It'll make us feel unwanted or not attractive enough. In the end it really bruises our ego which can hurt a relationship bad.

Now i would like to read that book dpr recommended maybe it'll give me a little better insight to the whole situation. But i'm just letting you guys know how it is from our point of view.

exactly.

 

[hard2gain]

Another frustrating aspect to this is when I'm getting accused by her of running around behind her back because she's not putting out!! God damnit this pisses me off because I'm a young male thats in great shape, Not being cocky but I have a lot of girls hitting on me when I go out and I go out of my way to say that I have a gf and brush them off. So I turn girls down to get turned down by my girl when I get home and then get accused of cheating because I'm being turned down!! GRRRR

 

[MeatHead96]

Another frustrating aspect to this is when I'm getting accused by her of running around behind her back because she's not putting out!! God damnit this pisses me off because I'm a young male thats in great shape, Not being cocky but I have a lot of girls hitting on me when I go out and I go out of my way to say that I have a gf and brush them off. So I turn girls down to get turned down by my girl when I get home and then get accused of cheating because I'm being turned down!! GRRRR

I know that feeling. And its not being cocky, we just know that we have other women that are after us. I know damn well I do. I spend a lot of time working on my body. But obviously we care about the person we are with or we wouldn't be with them.

well it's good to know that you take into account the way she might be feeling. I think deep down you guys know it's not that your lady isn't attracted to you, it's the initial feeling you first get from being turned down...which is "fuck, I'm not getting any tonight" Not sure how old you said you were but my guess is that you will mellow later in life and look at sex a bit differently.

Yeah it just feels that way to us. If we really think about it when we are level headed we know that women are just not wired like men. I'm 25. Hopefully I will mellow, because trust me its not fun feeling that way. I would much rather have a lower sex drive.

 

[hard2gain]

Hell on Tren it's about 5x as bad lol

 

[NewChapter]

G'wan Jenner, tell it like it is!

Colt, it will have ups and downs. Some periods will be like you just met and others will be like what you're experiencing now and maybe worse. My friend went 15 months without sex with his fiancee after she had their second child. That is extreme, but that is when to start complaining in a long term relationship! Thing is if the rest of the relationship has things going for it, the lack of sex the way you want it may not seem so bad. If you were nothing but f*** buddies who ended up living together, when that department goes stale you have nothing else going for each other. Whoever you build a life with, make sure you've got more going for you than a good time in the sack because that isn't enough to build a relationship on.

I agree it comes in waves. Good and bad thick and thin. Its like a rollercoaster and if you really love each other its well worth the ride. If you find a good one hang on with everything you got. On the sex decline cycles you just have to take matters into your own hands.... LOL Literally until the cycle makes full circle. You will be a better man for it!

 

[hard2gain]

well hell, how do you expect her to keep up with that shit lol

Haha I can't even expect my hand to keep up with that shit! Let alone a gf. It kinda sucks because tren will give me insomnia so I'll just be laying there horny as hell in the middle of the night while she's sleepin.

It's kind of like setting food on a coffee table in front of your dog. They can either sit there and be miserable from the temptation or go for it and face an ass kicking lol

 

[stevenmd]

READ THE EFFING BOOK THAT DPR MENTIONED - BOTH OF YOU NEED TO READ IT. I've read all these opinions here and they are all pretty selfish. Mt. Momma seems to be dead on with her advice though. But until you both read the book, she will NEVER understand how bad it hurts you when she shoots you down for sex and you'll NEVER understand her love language that will actually make her WANT to have sex with you.

Enough said, case closed, read the damn book.

 

[coltmc45]

READ THE EFFING BOOK THAT DPR MENTIONED - BOTH OF YOU NEED TO READ IT. I've read all these opinions here and they are all pretty selfish. Mt. Momma seems to be dead on with her advice though. But until you both read the book, she will NEVER understand how bad it hurts you when she shoots you down for sex and you'll NEVER understand her love language that will actually make her WANT to have sex with you.

Enough said, case closed, read the damn book.

Calm down hoss. It's a general discussion and people are stating they're opinions. I'm buying it tomorrow. I don't think I'm being selfish, well in a way I am but everything that was stated about men and sex and how sex makes a man feel in a relationship is spot on. Women and men look at sex differently although I do see it the same way as my girl. It's not that I just want to bust a nut and be done and it's meaningless. I love having sex with her because we connect, I love pleasing her, I'm satisfied because I know she's satisfied. I'm old enough now that sex is not just sex but it means something. It brings us closer not just physically. But yes, I'm buying the book. Very interested in it and I want to understand what's going on with her better not just how to get laid more often. That's why I asked for womens experiences, so I could try and understand from a woman's perspective of what might be happening.

 

[stevenmd]

Calm down hoss. It's a general discussion and people are stating they're opinions. I'm buying it tomorrow. I don't think I'm being selfish, well in a way I am but everything that was stated about men and sex and how sex makes a man feel in a relationship is spot on. Women and men look at sex differently although I do see it the same way as my girl. It's not that I just want to bust a nut and be done and it's meaningless. I love having sex with her because we connect, I love pleasing her, I'm satisfied because I know she's satisfied. I'm old enough now that sex is not just sex but it means something. It brings us closer not just physically. But yes, I'm buying the book. Very interested in it and I want to understand what's going on with her better not just how to get laid more often. That's why I asked for womens experiences, so I could try and understand from a woman's perspective of what might be happening.

Calm down hoss, wasn't saying you were being selfish. When people have an the other person in the relationship can leave if they don't like it attitude, it sort of chaps my hide because a relationship is all about give and take, a balance. Sometimes that balance leans one way and sometimes it leans the other way, depending on the circumstances. As a former therapist, this other person can leave attitude is the #1 reason why relationships fail. It is a blatant choice NOT to choose to work things out with the person you love. People can argue and disagree with me all they want but then I suggest they go to school, earn their masters or PhD, spend time doing the hours earning clinical experience to satisfy the state requirements for licensing and then spend a few years doing actual couples therapy. Then we'll talk again and see if they still have the same opinions.

 

[Mt-momma]

I will also quickly add that the age of the kids sometimes has a huge affect on a couple's sex life. When we had one that was 18 months old and another infant nursing, it seemed like I was being touched all the time. Between nursing, cuddling, reading stories, wiping noses, wiping baby spittle off everything, rubbing thier backs and rocking them to sleep, it was like I was constantly being touched all day long (and most all night with a nursing infant). It was like touch sensory overload. My husband is an amazingly attractive guy and we've never had issues in bed, but shit, when the girls were that little and they finally went to sleep, my first thought was just to sit without having anyone touch me.

Now we're past that phase of parenting, and like I said before, things have only gotten much better. I have a bit of time to myself during the day and the girls are old enough to play together and not need me in the same way they did a couple years ago. I can slot out some "me" time during the day and be greatfull for the "us" time later.

Also, best thing we ever did was cut off the f'in tv. We listen to pandora on surround sound, but do not watch tv. We talk during dinner, each help get the kids in bed, then it's our time. Tv will ruin your sex life!

 

[Sassytassie84]

I will also quickly add that the age of the kids sometimes has a huge affect on a couple's sex life. When we had one that was 18 months old and another infant nursing, it seemed like I was being touched all the time. Between nursing, cuddling, reading stories, wiping noses, wiping baby spittle off everything, rubbing thier backs and rocking them to sleep, it was like I was constantly being touched all day long (and most all night with a nursing infant). It was like touch sensory overload. My husband is an amazingly attractive guy and we've never had issues in bed, but shit, when the girls were that little and they finally went to sleep, my first thought was just to sit without having anyone touch me.

Now we're past that phase of parenting, and like I said before, things have only gotten much better. I have a bit of time to myself during the day and the girls are old enough to play together and not need me in the same way they did a couple years ago. I can slot out some "me" time during the day and be greatfull for the "us" time later.

Also, best thing we ever did was cut off the f'in tv. We listen to pandora on surround sound, but do not watch tv. We talk during dinner, each help get the kids in bed, then it's our time. Tv will ruin your sex life!

Absolutely agree 1,000%! After my son was born, if my ex even touched my leg, I would give him a glare lol. I did not want to be touched AT ALL. It was touch sensory overload. After nursing my son for a little of 2 years old, I am still iffy whether or not I would want anyone to touch the bewbs.

 

[hard2gain]

Calm down hoss, wasn't saying you were being selfish. When people have an the other person in the relationship can leave if they don't like it attitude, it sort of chaps my hide because a relationship is all about give and take, a balance. Sometimes that balance leans one way and sometimes it leans the other way, depending on the circumstances. As a former therapist, this other person can leave attitude is the #1 reason why relationships fail. It is a blatant choice NOT to choose to work things out with the person you love. People can argue and disagree with me all they want but then I suggest they go to school, earn their masters or PhD, spend time doing the hours earning clinical experience to satisfy the state requirements for licensing and then spend a few years doing actual couples therapy. Then we'll talk again and see if they still have the same opinions.

Damn bro you have a phd?! I'm coming to you from now on lol. What are you doing now then? Hopefully something with that degree!

 

[Sassytassie84]

Ok, I guess the question is... how often IS it happening? Are you going days at a time without? Weeks? Months? You said she sometimes gets randy at 5-6pm so that means she does want it, she is knocking out after kids are in bed. She is TIRED! Get a babysitter or the weekend and take a trip, just you and her. Let her relax and have a fun day together during the day (nothing too strenuous) and then go back for an early night with a bottle of wine and strawberries. I bet it gets fun. Womens needs are different then mens needs. You fell you need sex, we feel we need love, support, understanding, sleep etc etc to be in the right state of mind to get to that point.

You have to take the good with the bad and from what you say, she is awesome. How old are the kiddos?