Victorian guy
Banned -- Cant respect a free board
The Art of Motivation
by Victorian Guy
appeared in 'Ironlife on-line magazine issue #4 (Nov)' at www.ironlife.com
edited
Brothers,
Sometimes, our training partners- or, in this case, personal training clients- need a bit of motivation to re-energize their efforts in the gym. Case in point-
A few months back, while Nobby and I were doing bar-bending squats with 700 pounds, and screaming at the top of our lungs, a scrawny little man dared to step over the containers of chalk, extra belts, wraps, and discarded pins covering the floor around the squat rack, to interrupt us!
I racked the weight and Nobby seized the saboteur by the throat, and began throttling him. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!!" I screamed in his face, showering him in spittle. Gasping, he managed to get out a few words-"I...wwas..g-g-going to ask..for...advice..." he sputtered. Nobby let him go, and he dropped to the floor. What on earth? Someone in this spineless gym DARED to speak to us? I was curious, indeed. The scrawny fellow got to his feet- he was a spitting image of Hugh Grant, just as feeble a body and the same mannerisms. "Well....I was wondering if, er...you very large fellows would...perhaps..for compensation, of course...help me gain a few muscles?" he asked, sheepishly. "Certainly. Now come sit down and let us discuss the matter" I offered.
His name was Nigel, and after gathering some next-of-kin info about Nigel, i.e. parent's address, and having him sign a waiver and take an oath of allegiance to Nobby and I, we sent him off. "Tommorow- 7pm sharp- be here!" I snarled at him, then turned and walked off.
Well, brothers, the next evening Nigel sauntered in LATE. "Nigel- what time do you have?" I asked him as he walked in the door. "Er...a few minutes past seven...BLAAARRGGH!" he screamed, as Nobby wrapped his bike chain around Nigel's neck and held him up, choking! I ran over to him and screamed in his face "You're LAAAAAAAATE!!!" so loud that an old woman on the treadmill collapsed from fright!
Well, Nigel had to be carried out that night after a blistering HIT workout, and I handed him a bottle of anadrol and told him to take 4 tabs a day- then gave him a surprise injection of test in the shoulder!
Over the next few weeks, under our guidance, Nigel gained 20 pounds. He was eating several meals a day, taking weight gainer, test, anadrol, and doing the basic exercises....and growing!
One evening, Nigel didn't show. I got a call from him at the gym. He was still at home. "Look...I can't take it anymore...I...think I ...quit" he snivelled. "Remember your OATH, Nigel!" I roared, then slammed the phone down, shattering it.
Two hours later, I called Nigel. "Why hello, Nigel- how are things?" I asked dryly, sipping from a cup of tea Nigel's mum had made for me earlier. "Nobby, your mother, and I are enjoying the view from your mother's tenth floor apartment window..seems if you don't honor your word and lift and eat until you're 100 pounds heavier she will simply throw herself out this window!" I exclaimed. Nobby grabbed the phone out of my hand. "Oi'll fookin toss the old bag out the window, get it, BAHSTAHD? " he snarled. "What...on EARTH?...you're mad...let me speak to my mother!!!!" Nigel blubbered. I took the duck tape of the 80 year old's mouth and, as Nobby shoved the phone receiver in her face, she began screaming "Nigel! These horrible men have me in handcuffs, and have been beating me! PLEASE HELP!!!" she screamed, before I shut her mouth with a strip of duck tape and smacked her across the face. "Well, Nigel...coming back to the gym, then?" I asked. "Yes...anything...PLEASE...I'll go to the gym right now..." he whimpered. "Capital!" I cried, and we left Nigel's mum cuffed, duck taped, and quivering on the floor, and headed out- but not before Nobby gave Nigel's mom a good old fashioned kick to the face, for making us a lousy cup of tea! How dare she serve us 'Tetley's' shit??!
Nigel's back in the gym, and the gains are coming! All's well that ends well, I say.
So, brothers, if your partner or client just isn't giving it their all- simple words of encouragement may not be enough. DEEDS may be called for!
by Victorian Guy
appeared in 'Ironlife on-line magazine issue #4 (Nov)' at www.ironlife.com
edited
Brothers,
Sometimes, our training partners- or, in this case, personal training clients- need a bit of motivation to re-energize their efforts in the gym. Case in point-
A few months back, while Nobby and I were doing bar-bending squats with 700 pounds, and screaming at the top of our lungs, a scrawny little man dared to step over the containers of chalk, extra belts, wraps, and discarded pins covering the floor around the squat rack, to interrupt us!
I racked the weight and Nobby seized the saboteur by the throat, and began throttling him. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!!" I screamed in his face, showering him in spittle. Gasping, he managed to get out a few words-"I...wwas..g-g-going to ask..for...advice..." he sputtered. Nobby let him go, and he dropped to the floor. What on earth? Someone in this spineless gym DARED to speak to us? I was curious, indeed. The scrawny fellow got to his feet- he was a spitting image of Hugh Grant, just as feeble a body and the same mannerisms. "Well....I was wondering if, er...you very large fellows would...perhaps..for compensation, of course...help me gain a few muscles?" he asked, sheepishly. "Certainly. Now come sit down and let us discuss the matter" I offered.
His name was Nigel, and after gathering some next-of-kin info about Nigel, i.e. parent's address, and having him sign a waiver and take an oath of allegiance to Nobby and I, we sent him off. "Tommorow- 7pm sharp- be here!" I snarled at him, then turned and walked off.
Well, brothers, the next evening Nigel sauntered in LATE. "Nigel- what time do you have?" I asked him as he walked in the door. "Er...a few minutes past seven...BLAAARRGGH!" he screamed, as Nobby wrapped his bike chain around Nigel's neck and held him up, choking! I ran over to him and screamed in his face "You're LAAAAAAAATE!!!" so loud that an old woman on the treadmill collapsed from fright!
Well, Nigel had to be carried out that night after a blistering HIT workout, and I handed him a bottle of anadrol and told him to take 4 tabs a day- then gave him a surprise injection of test in the shoulder!
Over the next few weeks, under our guidance, Nigel gained 20 pounds. He was eating several meals a day, taking weight gainer, test, anadrol, and doing the basic exercises....and growing!
One evening, Nigel didn't show. I got a call from him at the gym. He was still at home. "Look...I can't take it anymore...I...think I ...quit" he snivelled. "Remember your OATH, Nigel!" I roared, then slammed the phone down, shattering it.
Two hours later, I called Nigel. "Why hello, Nigel- how are things?" I asked dryly, sipping from a cup of tea Nigel's mum had made for me earlier. "Nobby, your mother, and I are enjoying the view from your mother's tenth floor apartment window..seems if you don't honor your word and lift and eat until you're 100 pounds heavier she will simply throw herself out this window!" I exclaimed. Nobby grabbed the phone out of my hand. "Oi'll fookin toss the old bag out the window, get it, BAHSTAHD? " he snarled. "What...on EARTH?...you're mad...let me speak to my mother!!!!" Nigel blubbered. I took the duck tape of the 80 year old's mouth and, as Nobby shoved the phone receiver in her face, she began screaming "Nigel! These horrible men have me in handcuffs, and have been beating me! PLEASE HELP!!!" she screamed, before I shut her mouth with a strip of duck tape and smacked her across the face. "Well, Nigel...coming back to the gym, then?" I asked. "Yes...anything...PLEASE...I'll go to the gym right now..." he whimpered. "Capital!" I cried, and we left Nigel's mum cuffed, duck taped, and quivering on the floor, and headed out- but not before Nobby gave Nigel's mom a good old fashioned kick to the face, for making us a lousy cup of tea! How dare she serve us 'Tetley's' shit??!
Nigel's back in the gym, and the gains are coming! All's well that ends well, I say.
So, brothers, if your partner or client just isn't giving it their all- simple words of encouragement may not be enough. DEEDS may be called for!
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